It Takes a Valley Village

Wig shopping! Flanks! Traveling by train! The gang piles into an Amtrak car and heads out San Diego way. Their hard work is rewarded with an AirBnB formally owned by a cult (we assume) and Danny gets a little testy at the only woman who enjoys his Southern accent. Michelle and Lala trigger Frankie with dead parent talk. This was recorded on Mother's Day so a lot of fun emotions here!

Janet has a game night (yawn), Brittany hosts a pool party that becomes another stop on Janet's apology tour, and we're falling more and more in love with Lacy and her doomsday bunker.

YES THIS EPISODE IS MONTH LATE AND YES I AM SORRY The long-awaited meeting of the minds at a cigar lounge is finally happening, and it's everything we wanted and more. Tom, Lala, and Michelle have a singles night and we are forced to watch Tom flirt. And finally, most importantly, the Pied Piper of the VPR-verse (Kyle Chan) is back and casting more spells.

The gang is headed to Santa Clarita for Nia's housewarming and we can't decide what's worse: the commute or Danny's accent. We talk feminism + Mommy Makeovers, the worst steak restaurant we've ever seen in LA, and FLAPJACKS. Thoughts? Share 'em! ittakesavalleyvillage@gmail.com (Please be nice we are sensitive)

Another week in the hottest club in town - The Valley! We take in the extravagance of a birthday party thrown by Lala, watch in horror as Tom Schwartz talks about kids and Nia and Danny exist in Santa Clarita, and what's this? We're siding with Janet??? Lord help us. Thoughts/feelings? Feel free to share them! ittakesavalleyvillage@gmail.com

Everyone is back and so is their sparkle! We check in with our favorite LA residents a year later and oh boy, has time passed. Kristin navigates new motherhood and a horny partner; Brittany's sparkle is all over the dang place; Nia is trying to escape Santa Clarita every chance she gets; and GLP-1 is back on the menu, boys! And yes I'm uploading this late I AM SORRY IT WON'T HAPPEN AGA...

WE DID IT JOE! We made it through the season and now, the three-part reunion. We talk about the anguish of agreeing with Janet, our hopes for season three, and bid farewell to the Valley gang (for now)!

Another day, another dollar, another reunion episode of The Valley! This time we dive further into Jax's potential sociopathy, the divorce behind the Chateau Marmont, and the Miss USA-ification of Darko Danny.

The chaotic three-part reunion begins!

It's time for Michelle's first annual Zen Party and let me tell you - it's anything but! Jax fights for his reality TV career harder than he's ever fought for anything (marriage, child, etc); Jesse lets go and proves Scott might be an effective therapist after all; and Janet is the most Janet one can be.

Despite technical difficulties we are back with another episode. Jax and Brittany navigate boundaries for HIS SON (Cruz)! Janet and Jason get ring tattoos (YIKES)! Nia looks into a mommy makeover and we meet a doctor sent directly from hell!

WOOF, what an ep! Kristen's engagement party is on its third leg and patience is running thin. Brittany trusts. Jax with a secret for some reason, then they all hop on a boat ride from hell where Janet out-Janets herself and Danny and Nia protect their peace.

We watch La Mariposa become La Marriage-posa (it's so late I'm sorry) when Luke proposes aboard a fishing boat. Jesse confronts Aaron about his relationship with Michelle, as we confront the reality that there are now two ghosts roaming this earthly realm (and one of them sells honey). Zach earns his stripes as he produces the most complicated engagement surprise known to Maui. Jax and Jan...

Our favorite son, Scott the marriage coach, returns to coach the boys (men) on releasing resentments and it goes GREAT. The women have a girls' night that also goes perfectly (someone leaves in tears!). Finally, the gang gets themselves to Hawaii where Luke has a crisis over what realm to occupy. Listen up! email: ittakesavalleyvillage@gmail.com

What an action packed episode! Jax is out of anger rehab and he's allowed to be "a little angry." And boy, is he! Benji's surprise party, Janet's bad villian-ing, and Jax's move out day feed us for another beautiful Valley week. Email! ittakesavalleyvillage@gmail.com

Kristen's housewarming! Zach's scrotox! Brittany's filing for divorce and Hurricane Jax is hours away from getting out of rehab! This is life in the Valley. Emails! ittakesavalleyvillage@gmail.com

Oh boy, what a week: A beach day for the ages! A phone call from Jax! A metal detector storm off unlike any we've ever seen! Let's discuss! Email? ittakesavalleyvillage@gmail.com

Jason confronting Danny on his drinking and Kristen "Mama Bear" Doute dropping bombs in retaliation! Jax on the loose from rehab! Scheana and Lala soft launching their new venture (appearing on The Valley)! All this and more on this week's ep! Emails? We love 'em! ittakesavalleyvillage@gmail.com

The Valley gods have smiled upon us: the gang is back from Santa Barbara and Scheana Shay is back on our screens! Meanwhile, Kristen has a new rental, Jesse is back with his marriage coach, and Nia is tasked with even more emotional labor. Whew! Emails? ittakesavalleyvillage@gmail.com

The gang goes wine tasting while Jax texts from rehab! Michelle and Jesse attempt respectful communication while deeply inebriated! Dark Side Danny is back (HE WORE SHOES IN THE BED)! All this and more! Join the ITAVV cohort! ittakesavalleyvillage@gmail.com @ittakesavalleyvillage

The gang ventures to a place that MIGHT be better than the Valley: Santa Barbara, baby! The fertility crystals are out, Jax is rage texting from rehab, and Jesse's pantaloons are on full display. This is California living! Thoughts? Feelings? Information about said pantaloons and where to find them? Email us at ittakesavalleyvillage@gmail.com! Instagram too! @ittakesavalleyvillage

Jax is off to rehab so you know what that means: it's time to head to Dave and Buster's! This week we get more info about the cursed Boys' Chat, witness Janet's coworker birthday, and most importantly, learn about the healing powers of white honey. Email is still up and running! ittakesavalleyvillage@gmail.com (as is our instagram @ittakesavalleyvillage)

WOOF. What a week! First, the Pope dies, then this episode happens. Hurricane Jax has touched down in the Cauchi Homestead and we must experience it. Meanwhile, The Guy From Baywatch is the new Quentin Tarantino and The Wickham Man gives us a glimpse of his nest and it DELIVERS. Thoughts? Feelings? Send us an email! ittakesavalleyvillage@gmail.com Instagram: @ittakesavalleyvillage

Valley citizens, friends of the pod, patrons of Jax's Studio City, lend me your ears! Season 2 has premiered and we're right where we need to be! We bask in the glory of Jax's merch line making a rehab cameo, watch Kristen rise from the ashes yet again, and make bold claims about Luke's origin story (old timey ghost). We still have an email! ittakesavalleyvillage@gmail.com Email to...

Ahoy, mateys! Our fave housewives are setting sail! The Oceanside winds bring Sutton a potential new suitor, Kathy a new member of the help to criticize, and the reveal that Kyle and PK actually text all the time. We also see Dorit with no makeup and it changes us. Do it up!