It Takes a Valley Village

Forgive me on the title, there was just too much good stuff in this episode to choose from/I am tired. Just when we thought they couldn't give us more, we meet CAROL, Kathy Hilton's brand manager. Our lives are complete and yet undone all at once. Suitcase delivery! Top Gun House! Beach games!

Diving into the 2nd ep of the season and this season has become our new source of nutrients. Amazon Live! Single PK! YOU NEED TO FILE!

Yes we've been absent and yes we abandoned RHONY, but we're better than ever, baby (we're so tired)! We ease into the warm bath that is RHOBH in its newest season, and it feels so right. Surrealism! Separation! Jennifer Tilly!

RHONY has some life to it yet and we're here for it! From the hallways of Coveteur magazine to the 9:45 tanning appointments, we see a glimmer of hope. Jessel's outfit changes! JFL's clown energy! Another beautiful week in the Big Apple. Trigger warning: this was recorded last week before any election results were in, so the vibe is...different. Lighter. Just a heads up.

Okay yes this ep is two weeks late and YES the audio quality is bad. WE'RE DOING OUR BEST. This week we're back in the Hamptons in the house that Bitcoin built, talking about the new RHOBH trailer, the Wickham Man's viral moment, and how tired we are. Join us!

Woof, this episode! Both Langan and Frankie are exhausted and it shows. We spend the whole time complaining about this current iteration of the franchise. Is there hope for the RHONY new class? Will we jump ship in a couple episodes? Only time will tell!

Another week in NY and this one is a doozy. JFL's child! Ubah's wigs! Scientology! And that's not all: HE SOLD THEIR BITCOIN. We're absolutely reeling.

WE'RE BACK and we're covering the new season of RHONY. Sorry haters!!! We talk Mormon wives, America's reality show aka the vice presidential debate, and begin our journey down the road of season 15.

The fall of the house of Cauchi!!! That's right, we're back and we're getting into it. We discuss this newest relationship update, as well as check in on the other cast members and rage about It Ends With Us, which, yes, we did go see in theaters. It's good to be back in The Valley!

OKAY we finally have it: our finale episode of Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica! We enjoy Jessica's Alice In Wonderland themed birthday, witness Nick destroy the bee population in LA, and head off into the sunset in a hot air balloon. Join us as we say au revoir to the toxic marriage that shaped us as a nation.

The Lachey-Simpson household will never know peace after Nick and Jessica tackle redecorating and making music videos for their respective singles (but with very different budgets). We also watch Nick nearly kill himself moving Ikea-ish furniture, experience pre-Armchair Expert Dax, and talk about our favorite astrologers.

We continue our journey down the rabbit hole of Nick and Jessica, episodes 105 and 106. America's favorite couple are all over the map these days: the city of love (Cincinnati) for Nick's grandmother's wedding, Florida to support the troops, and the Bahamas to terrorize the local beaches. We're in it to win it with Nick and Jessica and you cannot tear us away!!!

And we're back at it again with episodes 103 + 104 of Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica. As we find more parallels between Nick + Jessica and Jax + Brittany, we also talk camping, the Spike TV of it all, and how golf might be the worst sport.

We have returned, and in the absence of our beloved Valley crew, we ventured all the way back to 2003 to find the Jax and Brittany of the early aughts. That's right, we're recapping Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica! Join us as we discuss how Newlyweds is basically The Valley, relive the magic of flip phones, and recount Langan's high school theater history (unrelated but still good to know)...

We face our first week without The Valley to anchor us and stare into the void that is the future. We discuss potential new shows to cover and new formats to explore. Do we remain in the Bravoverse? Do we become NPR? What is Mosaic hiding??? All in a day's pod!

The promised part two of our finale episode! We're still processing whatever we experienced at Jax's but we get it together enough to recap The Valley finale in all its glory. The soft opening of Jax's Studio City, tone policing while pregnant, Kristen's Air Sculpt adventure, etc. Then we bathe in the aftermath of two titanic divorces and contemplate the future of the show.

Well well well. The finale is finally here. We promised a surprise and here it is: a two parter! Part one - we're reporting live(ish) from the world famous Jax's Studio City. You read that right! Boots on the ground, baby! Listen as we document our entire epic journey, from the anxious planning stages to the dissecting of our mental state afterward. Part two will go live tomorrow with our...

It's part 2 of definitely NOT the finale episode, and we're still trapped in Big Bear with the gang! Janet's baby shower, the boys' chaotic fishing trip, and a peak behind the iron curtain that is Nia and Danny's relationship? They are not slowing down! We're presented with everyone's fantasies only to discover our new one: gentlemen's lunch. Thoughts? Feelings? Yes...

It's our podcast and we'll vocal fry if we want to! Langan and Frankie address their first bad review and accept its message with love and light while another cherished listener email spreads the news: Zach is getting booked! Meanwhile, in Big Bear Lake, everyone's marriages are on thin ice. The men are crying, the women are cooking, Brittany is vomiting, and Zach is posting ominous In...

The season's penultimate episode finds us in the Aspen of San Bernardino, Big Bear! In addition to the babymoon of a lifetime (NOT a friends trip!!!), we learn more about Jesse's time away at overnight camp, discover Kristen and Luke have never had a conversation, and witness Brittany barf on the side of the road. And that's not all! We have been gifted with yet ANOTHER Cameo - and thi...

This one's huge, Valley gang! We're joined by our east coast correspondent and renowned Bravo scholar, Lisa Kleinman, to tell the tale of meeting Jax and Brittany at the White House Correspondents' Dinner. We discuss the hibachi dinner heard 'round the world, James Mae 2.0, and plant-based therapy retreats. OH, AND! A very special Cameo from someone on the cast encourages us to kee...

Just when we think we're out, the Mondrian pulls us back in. It's Date Night! Give our lives purpose! Email us at ittakesavalleyvillage@gmail.com

Langan caught up to Scandoval! Golf carts are a death trap! The Zach AI is close but needs more work! Finally, the crew ends up back at the Chamber of Secrets (the Mondrian Hotel) to celebrate Jax's hair loss product (name pending), only to end up screaming at each other in a hallway (beautiful). Thoughts? Observations? Praise? We now have an email! ittakesavalleyvillage@gmail.com

Fun in the sun! A girls' night in Malibu/guys' day in the pool leads to discussions of postpartum depression, alcoholism, and marital instability. Join us as we devote all of our time/energy/money to figure out the hot mystery director haunting the halls of the Chateau.

Four weeks into the season and we're wondering if Luke is actually Cruz. Valley Fever is setting in!