Intelligent Intoxication

A “clean break” is a definitive end or intentional closure. We often avoid “clean breaks” in regard to habits, relationships, companies, or situations, because we are people pleasing or trying to control the thoughts or emotions of others. We mistakenly believe that the discomfort we’ll feel in the moment is not something that we can endure or handle. But, temporary discomfort will pale in compari...

“Why do we do the things we do? Why is it that we measure success and value by attention and status, yet frown upon complacency? What force drives and shapes all of our emotions, actions, quality of life and, ultimately, our destinies? Did you know that the answers to these questions can all be explained by learning about the 6 human needs?” Tony Robbins Our NEEDS are our requirements as human bei...

If you’re willing and/or ready to take down or release the parts of your life that no longer serve you, here’s how I suggest that you begin to do so: tackle the physical clutter start with the smallest spaces (drawers) and with the things you don’t really care about or feel attached to move on to sentimental physical belongings, relationships, acquaintances, or habits that no longer serve you now...

In celebration of the life of my beautiful college friend, Christine Marquise, I’d like to highlight what made her wonderfully brilliant, as there is so much to be learned from her legacy.  Christine, or “Ollie”, as we lovingly called her, was an energizing, rather than depleting or draining friend. Here’s why: She was emotionally mature and willing to be emotionally vulnerable She gave her friend...

In order to start, stop, or create this, what is the system I am going to need in place? A system is a step-by-step checklist that you can follow on auto-pilot in the direction of your desired destination.  I invite you to consider these questions: What do you want to stop doing? What do you want to start doing? What do you want to create? Will saying YES to this energize me?  If you’re ready to c...

Birthing something new in your life will be: Painful Uncertain Confusing Disappointing But feeling these emotions doesn’t mean that you’re on the wrong track. In order to “birth” your own version of different, you must be capable of and willing to feel “negative” emotions.    I invite you to consider these questions: When do you notice quitting on your goals or dreams when they feel uncomfortable...

Years ago, my beloved therapist, Meg, gave me a “Personal Bill of Rights”. Admittedly, at that time, I wanted to want to believe everything on the page, but I didn’t… yet. But thanks to years of personal development with the help of therapists and coaches, today I practice and embody every right on the list. You can too, my friend.  If there’s a “right” that you really want to believe, I invite yo...

If we’re not aware of our stress levels, it’s easy to become overloaded or shutdown during the month of December.  Here’s what you might notice if you’re feeling overloaded: Clenched Hot Heart pounding Fighting Anxious Hypervigilant Impulsive angry/frustrated/annoyed irritable Defensive Overwhelmed Shaking Aggressive Revved up Agitated Intense Panic Antsy Wound up Stressed Tight Fidgety Jittery Tr...

When we are trying so hard to be “right”, we often become “righteous” and believe ourselves to be intellectually, morally, emotionally, or mentally superior to others, and we blame those who disagree with us.  When we’re in integrity, we are empowered to align our words and actions to our own core values. While we may challenge (respectfully) beliefs or decisions different from our own, we don’t p...

Healthy, secure friendships must be based on these three beliefs: “I want my friends to have other friends. I don’t get to decide who my friends choose as friends.”  “My friends don’t have to love what I love or value what I value. We aren’t going to be 100% compatible.” “I want to make sure that I give my friends equal air time.”  I invite you to consider these questions: Which of your current fr...

There is a difference between collecting information and applying it. We can know and understand, but if we don’t use the information and understanding in our daily lives, we aren’t really growing or expanding.  I don’t believe that we need more information in order to make sustainable change. We might need a small amount of different information AND a simple and sustainable system for applying th...

We can be sensitive to the needs of others without sacrificing our own health, well-being, and relationships.  “... being sensitive to the emotional needs of others is actually about understanding other people’s emotional needs but not necessarily doing something about them. It can hold space without taking it on as something to fix.  And, when we are really honest with ourselves about what belong...

“Dopamine is a neurotransmitter involved in the function of many areas of the body, such as digestion, sleep, learning and emotional health, including how one feels pleasure and reward… while other neurotransmitters, such as serotonin, also boost your mood , dopamine is a bit different because it's linked to reward and motivation. Essentially, you feel its release as you mark something off your li...

How do you really know if you’re a “good” person? First and foremost, please intentionally decide what your definition of “good” actually is. And, decide if you want to use the word.  I invite you to consider these questions: In order for other people to think that you’re a “good” person, what do you need to keep, start, or stop doing? In order for you to think that you’re a “good” person, what do...

“Other awareness” is one of the four pillars of emotional intelligence. When we are self-aware and know/understand why we do what we do, we naturally become more other-aware and cognizant of the people we encounter or are in relationship with in our lives.  If we lack other-awareness, we may unintentionally exclude others.  Often, we unintentionally exclude because we ourselves have been excluded...

We all fall into the habit of checking boxes in our professional and personal lives. “Boxes” are anything we feel obligated to do or be because we were conditioned to believe that by doing so, we would be right, successful, or happy.  In order to stop checking obligatory, arbitrary boxes in order to buy back time to intentionally create whole-hearted commitments, we must be willing to revisit ever...

There is a difference between creating consistency in regard to your habits, routines, or rituals versus being attached to having perfect habits, routines, and rituals that are unsustainable.  (Based on Christie Inge’s blog post: “The Energy of Human Design Gate 5”.) Christie Inge/Gate 5 Habits, routines, and rituals must be based on these three things: Intentions: the direction you’re headed and/...

In The Science of Stuck: Breaking Through Inertia To Find Your Path Forward, author Britt Frank offers four “challenges” to undertake in order to discern when you feel anxious in the presence of another person:   CHALLENGE #1: On one side of the paper list all of the stressful people with whom you spend time. On the other side of the paper write: “My real feelings about him/her/them are… “ Then wr...

In The Science of Stuck: Breaking Through Inertia To Find Your Path Forward, author Britt Frank likens anxiety to an “check-engine indicator light in a car”: “The light (anxiety) itself isn’t the problem - it’s a signal pointing you toward a problem. Trying to ‘get rid of’ anxiety is as counterproductive as trying to disable the check-engine light on your car.” She offers these bottom-line takeawa...

When you notice your mind chattering with Inner Critic fear, worries, what if’s, or worse case scenarios, try this: “I’m not available for anything that hasn’t actually happened.” Or, try this: “I’m not available for anything that isn’t happening right here, right now.” I invite you to consider these questions: When do you notice your mind offering you worries, what if’s, or worse case scenarios?...

You don’t have to wait until you get older to: clarify what you want and need ask for what you want and need create what you want meet your own needs create boundaries communicate boundaries I invite you to consider these questions: When do you notice meeting the wants and needs of others at your own expense? How willing are you to discern your real wants and needs? What might prevent you from com...

In this podcast and book, both entitled Anxiety Rx, Dr. Russell Kennedy offers a different perspective when it comes to managing what we refer to as “anxiety”.  Here are a few of the takeaways from Kennedy’s work that have profoundly impacted how I manage anxiety and take care of myself: Your mind gets fearful of the future and creates worries, what if’s, and worse scenarios. Your body may hold on...

Sometimes we’re stuck because we’ve outgrown a current circumstance or “container” like a: Place Relationship job/career Habit Mindset  I invite you to consider these questions: Are you currently growing and expanding professionally and personally? What is preventing you from growing or expanding? Which of your containers (places/jobs/relationships/beliefs/habits) have you outgrown? If you’re read...

“Bad habits repeat themselves again and again, not because you don’t want to change, but because you have the wrong system for change… you do not rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems. “ -James Clear, Atomic Habits “To get systems to work, remember the acronym SET-Small,Easy, Truthful.” -Brit Frank, The Getting Unstuck Workbook   The Science of Stuck: Breaking Thro...

“Be a curator of your life. Slowly cut things out until you’re left only with what you love, with what’s necessary, with what makes you happy.” Author unknown When we live a curated lifestyle, we intentionally live in a way that involves the purposeful selection of possessions, experiences, relationships, and people.  I invite you to consider these questions: Which of your possessions are no longe...