Inside The Mind of a Child Genius

ATTENTION Please be advised that a new schedule will take effect at the beginning of April . The updated lineup is as follows: April 1 — Classic April Fools’ Day (no changes) April 2 — Visual gags and slapstick (NO WORDS) — tariffs optional April 3 — Life hacks April 4 — Computer viruses April 5 — Hide your outie belly buttons For additional details or clarification, please listen to this episode...

Local boy Ian (he’s David) joins local boys Tho, Joseph, and Daniel for a deep dive into the life of famous horse pervert, Sir Isaac Newton. Together, they encounter tadpoles, ghosts, Italy, and the dirty secret behind every movie ever made. But Karlheinz Stockhausen appears to teach humanity a revolutionary new way to breathe (butthole). Will they survive? For more about local boys, press play. N...

We’re finally getting back to our core objective with this podcast: filling the internet with digital litter while it’s still legal! So relax, grab a drink, roll down the window, and throw it right on the street because this is an oops-all-litter episode! Get ready to fill your mind with half baked misinformation like how the immortal jellyfish works, how to manage your team like King Solomon, and...

Welcome to a poetic episode of Inside the Mind of a Child Genius - the show where dyslexic adults make fun of children! In this episode, join 3 poetry experts and Theo as we learn what sadness smells like, what anxious people think about all the time, and what’s actually scary about zombies (we’re worried about their mental health). We will regale in the tales of Theo’s composer group that’s eithe...

Today we’re joined by our resident spatial-relations expert: Cousin Ian. In this episode we’ll test his masterful knowledge of space and relations - starting with a fictional list of dragons that Theo drew and described as a child genius. Our intelligent discussion will lead to many interesting topics that teach you how to: Inflate a small man with compressed air Steal sugary bread from an insect-...

Welcome to the grand finale of Theo’s Fifth Grade Year in Review! In this episode, we follow the heartwarming story of three unlikely animal friends: Daniel, Theo, and Joseph as they are dipped in mud, guilt-tripped by Girl Scouts, beefed by a famous rapper, and saddled with predatory loans as children. Will they overcome all odds to be memorialized on TikTok with Ed Sheeran music, or will they be...

In this gripping episode of our true crime podcast, Theo’s unsettling no-teeth smile sparks a chilling conversation. Is he a psychopath or something? Turns out he isn’t, but join us as we explore questions like this and over 100 crimes - including crimes we’re committing while we record!  We delve into the bizarre concept of a mail hole, uncover the secrets of a man with a fake limp, and question...

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to listen to us invent a new sport? Right, I didn’t think so, but you’re here now, so might as well! Let’s just say, things get pretty sticky (because of velcro, and magnetics, and stuff - nothing weird). While we were at it we also invented a new form of music - CPR Jazz - but you’ll need a professional basketball player, a dog, and a mini saxophone to...

The meaning of no recess is life that not fun. But this episode IS fun! We’re reading all about Theo’s masochistic, possibly Calvinist middle school which used gamified punishments and Schrodinger’s homework passes. We’re also giving you betting tips for the Super Bowl that already happened! Will the Nude Maids win? Can the Unicorns really beat the Dragons? Or will Peasant’s Academy rise to the to...

In this episode, join hosts Theo, Joseph, Daniel, and Seth as they delve into the intricate backstory of a shed’s origins and the chaotic contents of a box within. Along the way, you may learn how to place a minor curse on a collection of miscellaneous hardware, test out a new therapist, and even find your life’s purpose with a stack of doormats. We’ll delve deep into topics such as: writing a bes...

Are you into survival novels, portal science fiction, and Mary Poppins? Then we have the story for you! This episode includes tips for setting a world record, contacting Kevin Bacon, acing standardized writing tests, and beating level one of Crash Bandicoot. It also has classic ITMOACG gags like Theo’s harebrained schemes to skip a grade, gratuitous references to Pokemon, and at least one joke onl...

Seth is on the podcast, and he’s got a muffin to eat! He has also written several stories, and in this episode we discuss his premature and geographically confusing obituary as well as his gratitude for reality. This episode really has it all: butt wiping hacks, comedy that grows exponentially, cat pee rainbows, mystery jokes, and a lot of homophones. If you don’t think this episode is good, that...

Comrades of the Glorious Collective! What do Obama, Dumbledore, and Joseph Stalin have in common? Why, they’re all honorable members of the Huffman’s Hall of Fame, of course! This episode is mostly about Comrade Stalin and his meteoric rise from peasant to propagandist. Along the way we’ll discuss aliens, pork bung, and terrorist cats. This episode description is free to use in any school library!...

Welcome back to another episode of your favorite misinformation-filled podcast! Well, maybe it’s not your favorite, but if that’s the case just consider this more misinformation. Today we’ll be lying to you about German folklore, how to wink, Latin America and much more! So grab Igor, your trusty Russian travel guide, and let’s go! Also in this episode: “Thank god Joseph’s not in class today”, Go-...

So you want to listen to the latest episode of the official podcast for FarmhandsOnly.com? Here’s what you need to do: Gather supplies Challenge God’s existence Create a black hole Collect gold Listen to the episode If you don’t like this episode it’s because you didn’t do all of those steps right. Also in this episode: “That fart noise lets me know that I’m safe with you.”, “It’s a free egg, don’...

We done did it! Another episode filled with infinite muffins, hot pets, and artsy puddles of slop! In this episode you’ll learn how to antagonize a mean dog with a phalanx of children, and you may even learn a thing or two about what constitutes a puddle. So settle in with a dollar slice of pizza, a live frog, and about 20 bottles of water for another fun episode of Inside the Mind of a Child Geni...

The 50th episode of any podcast is a huge milestone, but the 51st is an even huger milestone! So while all the other podcasts celebrate their 50th, we’re celebrating our 51st because we’re better NOT because we forgot. Also in this episode: “I’m Chatty Man now!”, “That dragon is on a quest. There’s never been a dragon that is more on a quest than Long-Fe.”, King Arthur, Gawain, 3 Cowboys, ChatGPT,...

Get ready to embark on an unforgettable adventure with Theo’s Website: The Video Game! Step into the shoes of young Theo, a quirky and lovable protagonist who enjoys activities such as roasting old people, women, and children, and scamming people in the online game Runescape. Explore a vast open-world filled with bizarre activities, unique characters, and unforgettable moments. Participate in the...

Welcome to the world's most expensive podcast ($40 billion)! In this episode we become the first podcast to make all our listeners go insane, so start saving up for some outsourced therapy. Also, grab your checkbooks for a dystopian game of checkbook chicken and join us for a wild ride as we navigate through this crazy website with our spirit guide, Theo (or as many bullies call him, Slobbery), an...

Hold on to your reality! You’re about to explore an episode of a podcast that explores an archived website that explores the genius mind of a child with an internet connection, too much time on his hands, and a deep working knowledge of 90’s website culture and style. Discover the answers to questions like: Who is Mr. Butt? What is the “correct short” for Theo Chandler? And are movie files too big...

Welcome back to another installment of Joseph’s Big Book of Excuses! In today’s episode, you’ll hear Joseph’s excuses for: Not having any friends Not having a girlfriend Not being able to play “college ball” Having no confidence And many more!   Listen and follow along with your own excuses! Also in this episode: “ I microwave my food!”, loopholesinsharialaw .com, Motorola, Home Depot, Apple, Poke...

Do you want to be the guy whose clothes are always wet? Do you feel like the neighborhood dogs don’t need you? Are you wondering if Skechers makes shorts now? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then this delightful podcast episode will be a treat for your little ears. Listen to it. Also in this episode: “Where’s my driving wine?”, “In Texas, we don’t just mess with alligators, we moles...

2022. The prime of the Inside the Mind of a Child Genius Podcast. The content - both of podcast and of the world in general - had never been better. The happy story ends there. What follows is a no-no and a big one: questionable math, even more questionable science, and an alarming amount of smugness. But if there’s one thing this episode makes clear, it’s that Herbert Hoover should have done…more...

Jackie from the Fire the Canon Podcast visits for this exciting new mini season where we test multiple catchphrases, roast a grandpa, and revisit some particularly low points in our lives - in a fun way! Listen for tips on how to save positive money, distinguish between cats and possums, and even discover what it’s like to be a Republican. Also in this episode: “Why do you smell like a bush?”, “Yo...

In this episode we reach the end of Daniel’s ill-fated love story. It was a wild ride, and things got a little bit wilder this time with time-traveling love notes, woman-troll romance, orange juice benders, grandma roasting, Duolingo fetishes, and discounted sperm. If that’s not enough for you, Daniel and Theo also reveal how they almost contributed to the field of eugenics in their own unfortunat...