Inside The Mind of a Child Genius

Have you ever wondered how to get out of traffic tickets or get great discounts at restaurants? Well, listen to this podcast and we’ll tell you! (It’s lying). We’ll also discuss some good tips on tricking people into making out with you or even getting two different people to kiss each other. If you like unethical life hacks, then this is the episode for you! Also in this episode: “Did you really...

In this episode we're celebrating Valentine's Day with special guest, Daniel! We each have special mystery themes for this episode, not Valentine’s related in any way! Daniel writes to his dear Uncle Nasty about his Sarah-based lovesickness, and tells him the secrets that he wants everyone to find out about. We also uncover the most astonishing reveal yet! Also in this episode: “We all have a myst...

In this episode we're celebrating Valentine's Day with special guest, Daniel! Daniel had a strange, unsettling approach to love, as witnessed in his childhood journals. We start off in 1997, which was a bad year, especially for Mary-Jo. Additionally, Theo opens up about a problem he's been having at work, and he asks his cousins for advice. We cover some World War I history as well. Also in this e...

In this retrospective episode, we look back and try to make some sense of the insanity that was Island of the Dinosaurs. We’ve got revisions, bad Amazon reviews, theme park design, character superlatives, and more! Also in this episode: “Thought for sure it would be a hamburger”, “He was taking the ass-route”, Michael Crichton, Jurassic Park, Disney, Cedar Point, Scarlett Johansson, Dwayne “The Ro...

Sweet relief, we’ve finally finished the Island of the Dinosaurs! In this episode we learn about Theo’s neurotic bowl-cutted rival from the young writers conference, discuss which accents you shouldn’t reinvent yourself with, and give a quick PSA about volcano eruptions. Also in this episode: “Maybe he could have a father for once in his life.”, “It’d be a shame if your copter got crashed.”, Kool...

Fun fact: this episode has no intro, and it’s our best intro yet! This time we get straight into the action, and boy is there a lot: swimming, looking, swinging, break dancing, dying, building flipping, tower building, table decorating, copter crashing, and running, lots of running. We sincerely hope you enjoy this efficient episode. Also in this episode: “Hey, I’m the king of the skies!”, “What h...

Things are heating up on the island as Theo's beloved characters make insane decisions in the face of extreme danger.  Also in this episode: "They hit me with a very buoyant rock!", "The fish got less and less scared.", "He felt like he was now face to face with the devil, but the devil was mad!", Jurassic Park, Viagra

Theo would be totally humiliated if this rap went viral, so share this video with everyone you know (especially if you know Drake) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCeqYiw8flA . Also in this episode: “Kevin’s giant smile was impossible to fit through a door.”, “I know there will be something in the future, so I will vaguely expect that there will be a future.”, Pusha T, Survivor, and TED Talks.

By the end of this spooky episode, Theo will be crazy! Not really, we actually just talk about dinosaurs, cool superpowers, stinky breath, and Pokémon the whole time. You’re going to love this episode, it’s just like dinner without the dinner! Also in this episode: “His brown eyes were gray.”, “He didn’t want anyone to think he was a poop.”, “Three people left alone until one left.”, “The water wa...

Today we introduce a new segment, and a new co-host! So settle in for another classic episode with these two [exploitive deletive] idiots, and whatever you do, don’t listen to the last 30 minutes of this episode! We’re really sorry. Also in this episode: “It was already devouring its snack, now for the big meat!”, “You shouldn’t yell about your dino boner.”, “Kevin’s eyes burst open”, Jurassic Par...

Good morning and welcome back to Inside the Mind of a Child Genius with Sleepy and The Grog! This morning we have 3 tips to be more alpha, an exciting new recipe to spice up decomposing leaves, and one weird trick to make your cereal delicious! Also in this episode: “What’s a T-Rex supposed to do? Not see you?”, fish baseball, Chex Quest, and Raisin Bran.

Happy Spooky October New Year! I hope you're dressed to the nines because, new rule, you have to dress up to listen to this podcast. So grab your meat bucket and your vegetable bucket and tune-in to hear about haunted roombas, redneck dinosaurs, and millions upon millions of fish. Also in this episode: "I bought a microwave here last week.", "I don't deserve to win.", "It was hungry, hungry for me...

I am made from erosion And I am pleasant to see You may find a secret If you look behind me Now for one final truth That you may not find fair I am where a dinosaur would have to jump around a pit of water by jumping straight And turning in the air Listen for the answer to this riddle, and much more! Also in this episode: “It’s known for its crocodile-like head, you fool!”, “Now you want to know a...

We finally talk about what’s on everyone’s mind: dinosaur sex. Also in this episode: “Life was the punishment.”, “That was not good to do that.”, “Nothing really happened, but it could have.”, “Sort of like a honk from a goose.”, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Jurassic Park 3, and Drake.

Island of the Dinosaurs is heating up! People are eaten, police are called, arms are injured, and characters are bullied by the narrator. If you’re having evil thoughts, take out the bad parts of your mind and replace them with this podcast! Also in this episode: “Samantha ordered the pizza last night, I think she can call the police.”, “There’s one animal I haven’t controlled, the compy.”, Tony H...

In season 2 we’re focusing on life’s big questions. What’s the best way to get revenge on someone at Target? How do you act like you pooped at a hockey game? What are some good excuses to cry? Where does the hot and wet stuff go? You will find satisfactory answers to all of these questions and more in this educational episode of season 2. Also in this episode: “No oh no please no.”, “And then Saur...

In this episode we continue Theo’s exciting dinosaur-centric action story that definitely doesn’t take any inspiration from Jurassic Park. Joseph worries about looking like a terrorist, Theo goes through his old hard drive, and we reimagine Friends in the worst way possible. Also in this episode: “How are the dinosaurs made by people? They didn’t.”, “This island is filled with dinosaurs only me an...

Welcome to Season 2! We’re done being kinky and we’re ready to talk about some dinosaurs. Join us as we delve into the beginning of what is sure to be a wild ride. In this episode we discuss the very real economic concerns of a world with dinosaurs, discover an exciting new way to celebrate Tom or Jim day, and unpack young Theo’s fear of connecting flights. Also in this episode: “My blood! How did...

Have a long road trip to make? Well, you could play classic car games like chess or Go, take in the sights of America, or pretend to be a dinosaur. But wouldn’t you rather listen to the world’s first haunted podcast?! Paige joins us again as we see visions of the shadow realm, scorch the Earth with our ideas, and play a morbidly aquatic game of baseball. So quit watching your new girlfriend use Fa...

This episode is fun fun wow! So grab your computer named Compotter, turn off Metamorphosis by Hilary Duff, and listen to one sad elephant person, his pleasant and intelligent wife, and their honest observer. That’s all for lemon, Warren’s coming bye. Also in this episode: “They almost won! Normally they lose terribly.”, “There’s not really a better word for it, so why not just write it over and ov...

What a better way to celebrate Tom or Jim Day than by having our first main character named Tom! Find out what happens to Tom in Computer Monkey and listen on to hear the best-titled story yet: The Macaroni Touch while we hurl compliments at each other in the hopes of making each other blush. We also write a terrible macaroni and cheese recipe, discuss how to get the cops off your back with a set...

We’re joined by Theo’s friend, lifelong friend, childhood friend, and even his friend today: Tristan! Young Tristan was a certified child genius with a strong preference for dinosaur toys over sports, impressive sword drawing confidence, knowledge of at least one city in at least one other country, and a wild imagination. In this beefisode we read his stories Weird Sea Maze and Computer Monkey . A...

You’re too busy to consider smells, so please consider this episode of our podcast instead. We reach the thrilling conclusion of Jabanuba and talk about all the friends we made along the way, including everyone’s favorite geologist-boxer, Rocky. We also discuss some tips on how to impress fifth graders, greet a unicorn, and write a book report.  Also in this episode: “You so rarely try to pai...

In this episode we read an elaborate wordplay joke with very little payoff, but multiple salutations. So hop on your bike and crank the Yanni because there are no rules! As always, make sure to habaguba and don’t tell Seth. Also in this episode: “We got another slimy boy, put him on the fries.”, “You’ve go ping shong.”, Yanni, Quiznos, Dr. Dreadful, McDonalds, and Pokemon

This episode is not for the faint of heart. Joseph’s brother, Daniel, joins us for our strangest and most problematic episode yet. Prepare yourself for experimental erotic fiction, conspiracy theories, garbage fruit, phallic dreams, Nasty Meat™, the apocalypse, and peeing like a printer. Please don’t run cancel.exe. Also in this episode: “Stop saying Chinese pirate!”, “I failed my Erotic Fiction c...