Inner Source - Healing from Toxic Abuse

If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, do you feel like you can’t be your true self? In this podcast episode, we explore what happens when you are your truest self with a narcissist. This episode focuses on guidance and advice on how to navigate this phenomenon. We discuss how to recognize the signs of this behavior, how to protect yourself and your boundaries, and how to reclaim your powe...

This episode features a special guest, Nikki Eisenhauer from Emotional Badass, who joins me in discussing codependency and the ultimate fear of abandonment.  It takes people like Nikki to pave the way by opening up and sharing their story. Join us in this episode as we hear her journey through multiple toxic relationships to reconnecting with her own inner strength. If you have ever found you...

People along the Dark Triad love to define others in a way that makes their inner world more tolerable. If you are in a toxic relationship with someone like this, you will be incorrectly defined, not as you are, but as they want to see you.  What happens when we begin to tune into their definitions of us instead of tuning into our truest, highest self?  This can set off an identity minds...

Anyone that has been in a toxic relationship knows the feeling of searching for clues and answers to fix the relationship.  In this episode we explore the many tried tactics people in relationships with narcissists have used in attempts to change their relationship for the better.  We take a deeper look at the reasons their attempts have failed and how some are worse than others.  W...

Healthy boundaries are vital for our survival.  The intention of toxic people is to break down others’ boundaries in order to gain more for themselves.  By breaking down your boundaries, they are more able to control you and get what they need from you.  This episode takes a more in depth look at the mastermind behind toxic people's intention to blur and violate boundaries in ways t...

This episode focuses on the pros and cons of HSP - ‘Highly Sensitive People’. We look at the term and the associations connected with it and take a deeper dive into the power and strengths behind it.  We also look at why HSPs are so attractive to toxic and manipulative people.  Because of this, people with high levels of sensitivity face difficult challenges.  This episode touches o...

This episode focuses on the Fear of rejection, which also includes fear of abandonment, because of the way it impacts relationships.  The fear of rejection is based in a deep seeded need to be accepted or liked. Our ability to truly connect with others greatly depends on feeling safe and the ability to trust. Fear of rejection inhibits us from being our truest self.  The ultimate goal of...

This episode focuses on the inner programming that results after being with controlling and manipulative people. Many  abusive relationships follow the same patterns as brainwashing institutions such as cults.  In a toxic environment, our automatic thoughts adapt to the positive and negative experiences. We don’t even realize that they may become part of our internal dialogue and respons...

Sometimes we stay in relationships much longer than we should because we believe, want to believe, or want to find out if the other person genuinely loves us.  Breaking a bond of authentic love can be one of the most difficult things we ever go through. But if the love is not authentic then the feeling may be one of being trapped.  When you know for sure whether the relationship is based...

Becoming the observer gives you the advantage of keen awareness and more emotional management.  Which means not getting sucked into irrational and pointless battles. It means becoming aware of yourself, your emotions, your responses, and how you interpret your experiences from a non-judgmental place.  It also allows you to observe others' reactions without emotional investment.

Sometimes it can be difficult to determine if you are in a toxic relationship, and ironically, especially when you’re in one.  There are many factors that contribute to a very powerful trauma-bond causing confusion, distortion of reality, and a lack of trust in  your own perceptions.  You might often have a strong desire to leave the relationship but get stuck wondering if you’re mi...

We end up over-apologizing for everything.  This is our attempt to avoid more conflict and backlash.  Apologizing also helps defend against disappointing others.  But being in the habit of apologizing sets us up for low self-esteem and other negative affects.  This episode looks at the ‘sorry syndrome’, which can develop after being around toxic people for a while, as we take o...

You have been a great source of narcissistic supply, but you finally figured out that you have been dealing with a narcissist.  When they realize that you see this, there will be backlash.  That is because they know that they will be unable to fool you anymore and won’t be able to continue their narcissistic supply from you.  You are now interfering with their addiction, which is th...

There are times when it is more difficult to leave a toxic relationship than to stay in one.  This episode offers four essential strategies to remain in a toxic environment without losing your mind or yourself.  These four counter actions, when practiced, can save you from further pain and can actually contribute to your healing.  Learn how to become stronger against manipulative ta...

I have learned from trauma-focused therapy approaches that we need to feel our emotions.  We all want to avoid, dismiss, or deny difficult and hurtful feelings but the only way to heal is to feel.  This activates the natural healing process and frees us from the debilitating effects of unresolved trauma and deeply buried emotions.  Without going through this difficult part of the jo...

Loss is part of life, but more importantly it is a part of any toxic relationship.  Whether it is the loss of others or the loss of self, loss is almost a guarantee in and around toxic behaviors.  We always lose a part of ourselves when we are around someone with little empathy.  People who fall on the toxic spectrum have little empathy and are generally focused on getting their nee...

If you want greater happiness, start showing yourself some compassion. According to research, self-compassion has powerful benefits that can contribute to your overall well-being in many areas of life including relationships, finance, physical and emotional health.  But how do we practice self-compassion?   In this episode we learn and put into practice different techniques to bring...

Finally, the narcissist apologized.  It sounded genuine.  Maybe? We want to believe that their apology was genuine, even though we know deep down that there’s a strong likelihood that it wasn’t.  So what do you do with that? If you don’t believe them, then it will be twisted back to you, as though you are heartless, have trust issues, or lack compassion.  But if you do believe...

Sometimes the only thing we want from the person who has hurt us is an apology.  We might even be able to somehow coerce one out of them, or maybe they actually realize that they have gone too far and offer one, or so we believe.  Is it a genuine apology? Or is it fake?  How do you tell the difference? This episode goes over some of the reasons people with toxic behaviors apologize,...

Shame is at the core of dependency and codependency.  After spending time with a person who has toxic or manipulative behaviors, we begin to internalize their subtle and sometimes not so subtle messages about ourselves.  This can cause an underlying sense of shame.  Shame is an inner experience of feeling unwanted, worthless, or rejected.  When we’re burdened with shame, we wan...

After being involved with a narcissist, it takes some healing to get back to the feeling of who we were before the relationship, or before the damage to the psyche.  Victims of narcissistic or toxic abuse end up wondering what happened to their former selves.  They might remember being more independent, more vivacious, more outgoing.  Or maybe they feel a decrease in their creativit...

This episode is about the defense against the energy-vampire.  Being around a toxic person is exhausting.  Why do we end up feeling drained with them?  If you are with a narcissist, or someone with toxic behaviors, you probably feel tired or drained most of the time.  This episode reveals some of the signs that you may be at risk of losing your energy to a narcissist, which may...

Trying to reason with a narcissist is like beating your head against a wall.  Trying to reason with a narcissist or person with toxic behaviors is like beating your head against a wall.  This episode will explore the dynamics of trying to reason with the unreasonable and why we keep doing it.  We look at the red flags of when we are being subtly sucked into an energy bond of impossi...

Addiction is a form of attachment.  We can be as addicted to a toxic person as we can to a toxic substance.  This episode will explore the hows, whys and whats of trauma bonding.  Find out why it statistically takes an average of 10 years to leave an abusive relationship.  Recognize the signs that you are in a trauma bond.  Identify the path to heal trauma bonding during a...

In this episode I wanted to explore one of the questions I hear frequently and used to struggle with myself.  That is, “Did they intentionally do that or was that an accident?” Sometimes people with toxic behaviors are expertly covert and can manipulate while seeming like they just don’t know better, or that it was just a misunderstanding.  This can cause a lot of confusion because it ke...