Imperfect Love

Are you a prisoner of your past? Is it possible to access your inner child to heal the wounds that keep you stuck? Can intergenerational patterns of violence and pain be shifted? Absolutely! Although some believe that we leave childhood issues behind as we enter adulthood, I've found that our negative childhood experiences—including wounds, trauma, and destructive patterns—stay with us until they...

The pressure to look perfect--and be perfect--is exhausting and expensive on many levels. In the quest to live up to impossibly high beauty standards, we often squander an incredible amount of time, mental energy, and financial resources. I've found that our mental and physical health pay a huge price when we feel judged, rejected, and shamed if we are different from ridiculously idealized norms....

We often have scripts running in our heads that tell us we should be more, do more, and obtain more. These inner narratives work against us, feeding anxiety, fear, and self-doubt. The impossible ideal of perfection is fed by society as well as those who can capitalize on our insecurities. It's no wonder we suffer from anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. Maybe it's time for us to look in the...

If you're a sensitive person, you may have been told that you are the problem—that if only you weren't "so sensitive," everything would be okay. You might have heard all too often that you should just "toughen up." Yet sensitivity—when respected and valued—can be a most wondrous superpower. We live in an often-insensitive world that is hyper-focused on external appearances and material success, so...

Body image. Food. Perfectionism. The relationships we have with our bodies and the food we eat are shaped by factors such as childhood environments and societal messaging. Throughout life, the conscious and unconscious choices we make around food have the power to impact us mentally, emotionally, and physically. When we pause to notice the negative thoughts that often push us into unhealthy action...

Manifesting! This singular word is magical to some and cringe-worthy to others. Yet, when manifesting is mindfully embraced, it can become a powerful tool for everyone. When we think of manifesting, ideas of the supernatural might come to mind, but true manifesting simply involves harnessing the power of your own mindset, heart, and soul. As we learn to focus on what is truly best for our highest...

People-pleasing tendencies tend to begin in early childhood and often stem from insecure attachment. From childhood forward, we often learn to please others to obtain love, avoid conflict, and feel safe. Yet when we compromise our values and needs in order to please others, we lose touch with our inner selves and often pay the price through ongoing anxiety, depression, stress, and disempowerment....

Balancing family, marriage, work, and at least a touch of self-care isn't easy. Sometimes, the harder we strive to get it all done perfectly, the more life seems to unravel. Could the secret to finding balance be a blend of loving kindness, a positive mindset, and letting go of the desperate quest for perfection? Books by Dr. Carla Manly:   Date Smart: Transform Your Relationships and Love Fe...

Healthy friendships are food for the soul. Indeed, the best relationships are rooted in mutual kindness, honesty, and respect. With loneliness at epidemic levels, it's all the more important for us to know how to cultivate loving, healthy friendships. We often think that great friendships "just happen," but, like every truly wonderful relationship, solid friendships require effort and tender lovin...

Neurodiversity—the idea that each person experiences and interacts with the world around them in different ways—is a truly empowering concept. When we remove labels that promote a view of the self or others that is deficit-focused and embrace a strength-based approach, we reduce bias and judgment while promoting acceptance and forward momentum. I've certainly found that there is no one "right" way...

The power of sisterhood can be amazing despite—and sometimes because of—the imperfections each person brings to the relationship. When sisters unite in heart, soul, and energy, true magic can happen. And, as soul sisters know, sisterhood doesn't require biological connection to take root—it just requires loads of imperfect love.   Books by Dr. Carla Manly:   Date Smart: Transform Your Re...

From the norms that push people-pleasing behaviors to the influences of patriarchal households, it's easy to end up feeling small and boundaryless. In our natural quest to feel loved, accepted, and safe, we often never discover how to create and use healthy boundaries. The resulting lack of empowerment can prevent us from knowing and becoming our fullest, best selves. Can elephants, wolves, and go...

Looking for ways to create equality and balance at home? It’s exhausting when household responsibilities aren’t divvied up fairly. Even in today’s world, women often handle more household and childrearing duties than their partners—even when they’re also working full time. Research consistently shows that a balance in family duties—and in a relationship as a whole—fosters a healthy partnership and...

We often believe that families are based on shared genes—that biology itself creates family. Yet in my professional and personal experience, I've surely found that the healthiest of families are based not on genetics but on deep love and connection. Through this lens, we can appreciate that children who are adopted can be embraced as part of a family with as much love and devotion as biological ch...

Discover your power, joy, and purpose! If we let others’ expectations dictate our lives, we run the risk of never discovering our true purpose. When we don’t pause to explore our true selves, we can feel stuck and half-alive. Yet the answers to some of our deepest fears and yearnings lie just inside the quiet of the soul. There is immense power and wisdom to be found within our own intuition and t...

Anxiety. It's a powerful force that can take hold of us and control every aspect of our lives. Anxiety, which is a form of fear, can be very sneaky. It often surfaces slowly, and before we know it, we feel anxious as we wake up and throughout the day. We often go to sleep feeling anxious and even experience heavy anxiety in our dreams. As the world becomes more unsettled and stressful, general anx...

Love. Music. Passion. Creative Genius. Chronic Depression. Success. Those who live with chronic depression are often deeply misunderstood. Recent research shows that nearly 1 in 5 of those 18 and older in the U.S. have reported suffering from depression. Although we’re making strides in the destigmatization of mental health issues, silent struggles continue behind the scenes. By having honest conv...

We often have secret dreams that we want to pursue but are fearful taking the next step. All too often, we find ourselves on a path in life that others chose for us--or that we accepted by default. In our desire to gain approval, acceptance, and love, we sometimes do what is "right" for others but not for ourselves. In this process, we get stuck and lose our own way. Yet the mere the idea of creat...

 Discover the Joy Factor! Boost your mental health and improve your resilience through the practice of summoning joy. The negativity bias—the natural, protective tendency for a bad experience to take more of our attention than good or neutral experiences—prevents us from learning from and embracing our positive experiences. We can learn to create a nurturing, safe internal sanctuary by learni...

Parenting is challenging, and as hard as we try to avoid making mistakes, we muck it up sometimes. Even when our hearts are in the right place, it’s tough to be a parent sometimes. The huge challenges in today’s busy world can bring a layer of chaos and confusion into the happiest of homes. If you feel stressed, overwhelmed, or downright hopeless at times, you’re not alone. Dr. Carla is joined by...

Toxic positivity can erode our mental, emotional, and physical health. When we feel forced to appear happy, even when we're exhausted, sad, or crumbling inside--the consequences can be devastating. In a world where perfectly curated images constantly tell us that we should be happy, upbeat, and smiling despite life's natural ups and downs, it's important to embrace ALL of our feelings--as "imperfe...

It's easy to get out of balance. All too often we get stuck in a cycle of giving too much to work, family, and necessary tasks with no true way to relax, rejuvenate, and enjoy ourselves. Dr. Carla and creativity expert Dr. Vanessa S. O'Neal dive into the joy and balance that await us when we embrace our innate creative energy. The joy of creativity isn't just for a select few; we all have the powe...

Sex and sexual intimacy can bring couples together or tear them apart. Our sex lives are rarely perfect, but, as imperfect humans, we often feel anxious about discussing this important aspect of our romantic lives. With loving candor and empathy, Dr. Carla dives right into the heart of why sexual intimacy issues arise and how you can resolve them with empathy, understanding, and imperfect love. Fr...

Afraid of failure? Tired of not getting it "right"? The idea of failure looms dark and large in our heads and hearts. We tend to avoid failure at any cost--even when our fear of failure keeps us stuck and unfulfilled. What if failure could be turned upside down or inside out to become a positive rather than a negative? What if failure--as part of being naturally imperfect--could be a friend and al...

Narcissists! Given the masks they wear, you often can't spot a narcissist until you're knee-deep in the relationship. Sadly, a relationship with a true narcissist can be extremely toxic and challenging. Those who suffer from narcissist personality disorder (NPD) are secretly terrified of engaging in emotionally connected relationships. Although often successful in the material and superficial real...