Imperfect Love

Are you plagued by thoughts of school shootings, terrorism, or other acts of violence? If fear, anxiety, and intrusive thoughts about violence permeate your dreams or waking hours, it's possible that PTSD or what is unofficially termed Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder is at work in your body and brain. Today's episode with medical expert Dr. Nina Cerfolio will answer your questions about the causes a...

Emotional eating can be difficult to cure due to an often confounding mixture of emotional, psychological, physiological, and societal factors. We often expect ourselves to be thin, fit, and perfect on the outside, and when our physical appearance doesn’t meet–or exceed–societal standards, we tend to fault ourselves. We can even become filled with shame that leads us to extremes such as chronic fa...

We want—and expect—family ties to last forever. From infancy forward, we naturally seek lasting bonds that will make us feel safe and loved. Yet, sadly, as people change and move through life, family ties can fray and even break—sometimes permanently. Such fractures are sometimes for the best, especially when abusive dynamics are causing substantial harm. However, when the cause of estrangement is...

We’re told that we should be happy and that we deserve to have it all. And we often feel that we’ve failed ourselves if we aren’t happy 24/7—and if we haven’t managed to get everything we’re supposed to need and want. I’ve found that the overly high expectations we set for ourselves (plus those set by family, friends, and society) tend to work against that most lasting and delightful goal of all—t...

We never expect—much less want—to find ourselves caught up in abusive relationships or toxic dynamics such as trauma bonding or gaslighting. In fact, traumatic bonding, which involves abusive power and control coupled with cycles of intermittent reward and punishment, can create or worsen serious mental health issues including anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder. Sadly, many of those affecte...

We often expect ourselves to be everything, everywhere, all at once for everyone, yet such high expectations can lead to being mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually out of balance. In the constant race to achieve more and be more, stress, anxiety, depression, and a host of physical issues often set in. From headaches and stomach issues to sleepless nights and chronic exhaustion, the p...

We're constantly learning more about the world of neurodiversity and how to appreciate that every person's brain works differently. Yet, given the pressure to conform—to perceive, process, and utilize information in the "right" way—millions of people feel as if they don't fit in (or can't cope in)—today's world. Fortunately, we are making great strides in understanding, embracing, and encouraging...

There was a time in the not-too-distant past when aging was honored and seen as a natural part of life. Yet in today's world, we've come to fear aging as if it's a dark monster we must fight in order to be loved, seen, and respected. The culture of eternal youth eats away at our well-being on many levels. It creates an increasingly consumptive and expensive demand for youth-fostering surgeries and...

If your childhood was traumatic, you might expect yourself to have forgotten or moved past the difficulties and challenges you endured. Yet, from my clinical and life experiences, it is clear we never recover from childhood trauma – or any other form of it – unless we purposefully engage in mindful healing. We are told that "time heals all wounds." But in reality, those wounds only worsen when the...

We want to believe that our healthcare system will be there for us when we need it. And we rightly expect that those entrusted with our care can (and will) do everything in their power to give us the care we deserve. Yet, unfortunately, I—and millions of others—have found that our healthcare system is terribly broken. When we are too sick, fragile, weary, or ill-equipped to self-advocate and push...

We often believe that we need to change who we are to be loved and accepted. Yet, in the process of shape-shifting to meet others' needs and expectations, we often lose the very core--the true heart--of who we are. The cost to the self can be devastating. I have come to believe that those who truly understand what it is to love and be loved don't ask us to compromise our imperfectly wonderful selv...

We want those we care about to feel safe, loved, and secure, and we naturally want the same for ourselves. Yet in today's chaotic world, millions feel anxious, isolated, unseen, and unloved, particularly after the pandemic—which took many people's lives off course—feelings of hopelessness, confusion, disappointment, and shame abound. Often-silent expectations from others (and from ourselves) can a...

When life feels stressful, dark, or challenging, we often tell ourselves--or are told by others--that we should just toughen and carry on. Yet, from my professional and personal experience, I've learned that compartmentalizing or burying our struggles only makes things worse in the long run. When we ignore our needs for mental, emotional, and physical safety, we can worsen underlying issues such a...

Division between generations is not a new issue, yet the disconnect between Gen-Z and older generations can lead to social alienation, interpersonal conflict, and even serious mental health issues. Some see Gen-Z as an overly anxious, stressed group with poor coping skills, a lack of interest in working hard, and destructive screen time overuse. Yet Gen-Zers have so much to offer, and their streng...

Love. Addiction. Sobriety. Trauma. Death. Grief. Each of these six seemingly simple words holds vast meaning and power, yet – when absorbed collectively – they pack a powerful punch that can bring us to our knees. Most of us have loved someone – or have been that someone – who has struggled with addiction. And some of us have felt that shattering pain of losing a loved one to the force of addictio...

We often crave to be loved perfectly, yet human love is naturally imperfect. And while it's normal for us to unintentionally let each other down now and again, actions of betrayal are in a different category altogether. When those we count on most betray us, the body, mind, and spirit are deeply traumatized. The etymology of the word "betrayal" takes us to its roots of intentional deceit, unfaithf...

We often believe that if we try harder and harder to be the perfect partner, parent, friend, or employee, we will somehow create a trouble-free life and gain the love, safety, and respect we crave. Yet when we chronically strive for perfection, we tend to create more self-judgment, anxiety, and stress. Unfortunately, this toxic dynamic can foster a nasty inner critic whose negative commentary harm...

Gaslighting. It's an increasingly common term that dates back to a 1938 British Play, Gas Light, and subsequent movies focused on the power of manipulation in relationships. In the original play, a manipulative husband makes his wife feel as if she's going insane by telling her that perceptions are inaccurate when she notices that the house lights are mysteriously dim. In today's world, the term i...

Anxiety has a way of weaving itself into our bodies, brains, and lives. Struggles with anxiety often begin in childhood and, by adulthood, can become firmly entrenched in our lives. With many mental health issues on the rise--from anxiety, depression, and chronic stress to suicide--it's time to pause to find actionable strategies to help us diminish life's stressors and cope in healthy ways. We of...

Secrets. Lies. Truth. Confessions. We often learn to hide parts of who we are--including the mistakes we've made along the way. Yet, I've found that keeping secrets--the dark, shamed-filled ones--can lead to depression, anxiety, and the tendency to be untrue to the self and others. One lie, even a small one, can lead to a web of lies that makes telling the truth (or even seeing the truth) seemingl...

It can be easy to fall into indifference, hopelessness, or despair when we're met with roadblocks over and over again. Yet I've found that--even in those low spots when we feel as if we'll never bring our dreams to life--the shining lights of hope and faith can help us move forward toward the goals that bring us greater love and purpose. Is it possible to manifest what we truly desire? As a true o...

Trauma. PTSD. Complex-PTSD. Abuse. These seemingly simple words can hold a great deal of meaning, pain, and nearly inescapable charge. Although the significance of these terms can be diluted by misuse, there's nothing "light" or unimportant about the profound, lasting effects of physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, and other experiences that leave devastating – and often deeply...

PTSD and children—it’s a critical topic. PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) is increasingly common in our challenging world, and while it’s often difficult to recognize PTSD in adults, it can be even more challenging to determine when a child has PTSD. In fact, there was a time when experts believed children couldn’t develop PTSD. Fortunately, we now appreciate the obvious truth that children c...

Every day, millions of women struggle in their new (or existing) roles as mothers. No matter how much a woman desires to be a mother, the journey of motherhood can be scary and challenging. Motherhood is inherently imperfect, yet we often feel as if we should be perfect mothers who can “do it all.” In reality, the drain of striving for perfection—and comparing ourselves to others—makes being a mom...

Motherhood is wonderful, yet, as any mom can tell you, it’s not always sunshine, roses, and smiles. From the challenges of physiological changes, self-doubt, and anxiety to the bright joys of cuddle time and first steps, being a mom can be—all at once—scary, stressful, and full of delight. When we add issues such as prenatal depression, postpartum depression, sleepless nights, and societal pressur...