I'm Reviewing Here!

Wow this movie is a doozy doozy doozy and it's Hungarian and it's very artistic and black and white and poetic and follows this guy living in this unnamed town and everyone becomes very frazzled upon learning that a traveling circus is coming to town and there will be a large whale like obviously it's large it's a whale for crying out loud OK sorry that was mean but there's a whale and people want...

Whattttt this movie is like so weird and whimsical and absurdly out there and nuts and beautiful and it stars Tilda Swinton and she plays a nobleman named Orlando in Elizabethan England and he is immortal and lives for centuries and no I'm not kidding and you see Orlando go to war and fall in love and be funny and weird and awkward and indifferent to so much and the whole film is based on a book b...

So veteran actor Tony Leung and a bunch of other actors who I don't recognize star in this big epic family drama set in Taiwan after Japan surrendered and it follows how the new government came in which was called the KMT was very nasty and mean to the Taiwanese people and we follow mainly these two brothers of the family and Leung plays one of them and he's adorable and deaf and runs around writi...

Ahhhhhh OK so this is a film by one of my favorite directors and his name is Pedro Almodóvar and he's Spanish and like he's the reason I love the language so much even though I am dreadful at it and sound so disgustingly American when I speak it but anyway like he's one of a kind and ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER is just one of his super complex yet understandable and intricate melodramas but like "funny" m...

So there's this sweet adorable cherubic delightfully kind little boy living in Iran and like all the adults around him are so strict and stern and miserable and unhappy and one day he accidentally takes his classmate's school notebook home with him and then for the whole movie he makes it his mission to return it to him because if he doesn't then his teacher would expel the boy and like it's sad b...

OMG I am STILL in Italy this week and this is ANOTHER Italian movie IT IS FATE like how is this fate IDK guys I'm just being silly and annoying and weird hi welcome so this is a movie by this very famous but kinda controversial and iconoclastic director named Pier Paolo Pasolini and the title gives it away in that it's all about Jesus and it's totally faithful and traditional yet different in ways...

OMG I'm still in Italy at the moment and this is a film by an ITALIAN director wow this is fate so this is a super long gangster epic like at least almost sort of four hours long and it's by Sergio Leone who was the cool guy who did THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY but this one is all set in 1930s New York and oh good lord how do I explain this really it's basically just a big epic crime saga about...

OMG how serendipitous that I just happen to be in ITALIAAA the exact same time this episode premieres and like meaning that this is also an ITALIANNN movie and yes I obviously love Italian and Italy Italy Italy anyway sorry so this is a very lauded film by the incredible and one-and-only Federico Fellini who made some of the best films ever and this one is pretty much just a coming-of-age comedy/d...

So this is a Jean-Luc Godard film and he was like super famous and lived to be 91 and he's considered by many to be the pioneer of French New Wave cinema and this is one of his films and it stars his real-life wife at the time and it's so tragic and sad and poetic and artsy and experimental and follows this young woman who long story short ends up going into prostitution to get money because like...

So Robert Mitchum was this super famous actor and he was best known for playing villains in two very spooky films but it turns out I was wrong and he's actually better known for playing leads in film noirs that I had never heard of and in this one he's this guy who's trying to start a new life and escape from his shady past where he fell for this woman who was involved with this shady guy and the...

Kurosawaaaaaaaaaa UGHHHH this man was such a genius so he usually made big action epics but this movie isn't that at all and it's like this heavy drama that's very sad but also positive but also pessimistic so it's positively pessimistic haha I'm funny no jk OK so in this movie there's this sad older guy whose son barely notices him and he's a widower and he founds out he has cancer and is going t...

Oh me oh my OK so this film is so intense and depressing but DAY-UM it's by Luis Buñuel who is like super into weird symbolism and imagery and surrealism and meat and animals like chickens and ants and no don't worry this movie isn't trippy I mean it kinda is but it's overall a really powerful drama about a group of poor kids living in a slum of Mexico City and there's this bad young guy who escap...

There's this guy and a girl at this super fancy schmancy hotel with a bunch of rich people and the guy is like hi lady I think we've met before and she's like I think you're mistaken and he's like I think we've met before and she's like I think you're mistaken and he's like I think we've met before and she's like I think you're mistaken and he's like I think we've met before and she's like I think...

Oh sweet merciful Jesus WOW this movie goes totally ape-poop in the third act and it's about a group of characters who are all connected by money somehow and it mainly follows this poor poor father who just wants to live a happy life with his family but gets screwed over and then his whole life goes upside down and he does very bad things and like I don't want to give anything away but this is a m...

HOLY WOWWWW OK so this movie is positively insane and makes no sense but it's not supposed to and Salvador Dalí co-wrote it and we all know he was into surrealism which means this entire movie is like a twisted, crazy, scary, disturbing, hilarious dream/nightmare and there are motifs throughout and like there's a gross but really famous scene involving a razor and an eye but EEEEK don't get scared...

It's almost 13 hours long....that's all I have to say. TRAILER : https://youtu.be/CoLRNavAi_8

Wowwwww how do I explain/pronounce this movie well first of all it's pronounced like "sim-bee-oh-psycho-tax-eh-plasm" and it's so calming to say and say it 50 times really fast I dare you haha jk I mean no I mean yes OK so this is a very bizarre documentary where the director of the film films actors saying their lines in Central Park but he also plays a character himself and then he has other cam...

OMG OK like don't ever mess with Al Pacino or Robert De Niro onscreen and off-screen because they are tough and scary but like so charismatic too and in this movie one of them is a thief and the other a cop and they form this weird relationship because the cop knows he will have to take him out sooner or later and the thief is OK with that and it's like a weird tragedy and Val Kilmer and Ashley Ju...

Podcaster Scrow Tim Tatopoulos joins me today for this super bizarre movie which is an alien sci-fi artsy erotic film and Scarlett Johansson plays this sexy alien in human skin who comes to Glasgow in this big car and picks up horny men and then traps them in this liquid where their skin is ripped off their bodies and there's a lot of loud sounds and music and creepy images and it's like a sad mov...

Luis Buñuel did this movie and it's Spanish and so surreal and bizarre and absurd and weird and there are a bunch of rich people having this dinner party and drinking a lot and some people are fooling around and then they suddenly are literally unable to leave the house and they go nuts and it's like why can't they just leave but the movie never tells you and there's a bear walking around and thes...

There's this guy living in Cuba and he's bourgeois and wants to be a writer but can't do it and his wife has just left him and the country and he is super negative and cynical about everyone in Cuba and narrates the entire film about how stupid and underdeveloped everyone is around him and he meets this teenager and they have this super uncomfortable relationship and she wants to be an actress and...

Oh me oh my OH ME OH MY wow this movie is B A N A N A S and it's like a dramatic thriller or a thriller drama and it's about a bunch of nuns who open this convent up on this huge mountain in the Himalayas and there's this handsome guy that two of the nuns kinda have the hots for but they know they shouldn't and then the nuns start to kinda spiral one by one and the movie is exquisitely shot and it...

Oh boy OK so this is a very artsy abstract film which makes sense because Michelangelo Antonioni directed it and he loves everything abstract and Monica Vitti plays this very unhappy and depressed and lost wife whose husband works for a big petrochemical plant and then Richard Harris comes into the picture and he's the original Dumbledore and she's really depressed and lost and she's really depres...

So we all know that famous melody that is like "wooo woo wooo wooooo WAH WAH WAHHHH" but it's phonetically not like that because like I don't know how to spell it out but this is a spaghetti western which means the cowboys eat spaghetti no that was a bad joke this just means that it was a western directed by a European director and it's about these two guys out to retrieve this gold and it's set d...

I say I want to eat this movie because it is so beautiful like every frame is like a piece of cake like literal cake preferably vanilla because I always have loved vanilla more than chocolate but sorry this is a movie by this super famous Indian director named Satyajit Ray and his name is so badass and it's about this bored and unhappy housewife whose husband is nice but like so blind to her pain...