I'm Reviewing Here!

You know when you first like a person and you think they like you back and so you're like yayyyy but then they totally flake on you and you're like whyyy Godddd whyyyy well this movie is pretty much like that and it's very old-fashioned and black-and-white and follows this pretty and innocent young woman who falls head over freakin' heels with this older attractive French guy but he is like SO BLI...

So Alain Resnais directed this and he was this huge French New Wave director who made super artsy films and this one is like totally beautiful to look at and it's about this young attractive French woman working in Hiroshima after WWII and she has an affair with a married Japanese architect and they have a ton of sex and speak softly to one another and we learn more about her and like they seem fi...

Oy vey oh Lord OK so Orson Welles directed and adapted this movie from a Pulitzer Prize-winning book and he's the dude who did Citizen Kane (1941) and I mean like that's CITIZEN FREAKIN' KANE so this one is very different but it still has its visual style and it's about this messy family in the 19th century and they're rich and the mother has a crush on this guy who embarrassed her when they were...

Paul Thomas Anderson made this movie when he was in his late 20s and HOLY HELL it's insane and wild and epic and large in scope and long in length and bizarre and moving and poetic and strange and it has this huge cast including Tom Cruise and Julianne Moore and William H. Macy and frogs and it's all set during one day in the San Fernando Valley and it's this crazy drama following a group of chara...

Oy vey OK so this movie is considered a classic because it's so beautifully filmed and gorgeous and haunting and I get it like the imagery is indeed superb and it's directed by Wim Wenders who also did that movie Paris, Texas but this movie is a lot different because it's a fantasy drama about these two angels who watch Berliners do Berlin stuff in Berlin and it's in black-and-white and color and...

This movie is called PYASSA and it's pronounced like "pee-ahs-sah" and it means "thirst" but not like "I'm thirsty" per se and it's about this poor young writer in Calcutta who just wants to do what he's most passionate about but nobody will let him and they're so mean and are like "that's dumb" but then stuff happens where they realize they can maybe make money off of him and he meets this beauti...

So this is a big epic bloody samurai action epic directed by Akira Kurosawa and it was the first Kurosawa movie I ever saw which is like insane because he's considered to be one of the greatest directors and NOT ONCE did I watch any of his films in high school or college or my 20s, 30s, and 40s and just kidding I'm not that old haha I'm so stupid funny but no RAN is based on Shakespeare's King Lea...

This is a super old silent and like it's so twisted the more I think about it because it follows these three characters and how everything goes to poo poo when one of them wins a $5,000 lottery and there's a creepy dentist and his wife and his wife's former fiancé and a desert and a little bird in a cage and fingers and money and a toxic marriage but like it's toxic because of the $5,000 lottery b...

John Cassavetes has the coolest-sounding last name ever and he was this super famous indie director and he was an actor too in Rosemary's Baby but like he is more famous for directing and LOVE STREAMS was one of his last films and it stars him and his real-life wife Gena Rowlands and they play brother and sister and he's a drunk playboy loser and she's a depressed divorcee and they come together a...

So this was the last movie by this super famous rad director from Japan named Yasujirō Ozu and it's set after the war in Tokyo and there's this sweet old father with three kids and his eldest son is married but he's kind of a douche and he now wants to marry off his daughter and we meet his other friends and they drink a lot of sake sake sake sake sake sake like for real there is SAKE GALORE in th...

Special guest (my FIRST EVER! AHH!) and fellow film buff/podcaster Margaret Picklechips joins me to talk about Jean Renoir's GORGEOUSSSS Technicolor masterpiece, THE RIVER . It's a coming-of-age story by the son of famous French Impressionist painter Pierre-Auguste Renoir and it's set in British India after WWII and there's this attractive American captain who comes in but he has one leg and all t...

So Alfred Hitchcock made this movie about this woman named Melanie who goes to Bodega Bay because she likes this guy but then suddenly all these birds go bananas and start attacking people and we're talking gulls and crows and they make these obnoxious noises like ARHGAJFJFJ but WHYYYYY are they attacking everybody and what does it mean and like this is a fun campy horror movie but there's a deepe...

OMGGGGGG oh my g oh my g OK so this movie will pull you out of a deep sadness if you're having a bad day because it's so visually/aesthetically pleasing that it's almost overwhelming and there's music and it's actually a musical but like HOW is this not talked about more and it's in French and Oscar winner George Chakiris and Gene Kelly are in it and they can speak French which I didn't know and C...

Harry Dean Stanton plays this guy named Travis who is super quiet and weird but like approachable and not creepy but he never talks or makes any expressions and so his brother picks him up in the desert and he lives with him and Travis's son who is this cute little kid with 80s blonde hair but like the kid and the dad don't get along because Travis was never there for him and it turns out there's...

(ON A SERIOUS NOTE. Before I get weird, I need to admit that near the beginning of this episode, I misspoke. I say that PARIS IS BURNING represents the queer African-American community. That's not what I meant. It represents the queer BLACK community. (And Latinx community, of course.) I spoke too fast and was an idiot. The end. I do apologize. I understand this film tackles very sensitive topics,...

There's this woman in Argentina who's driving and checks her phone quickly and then accidentally hits something and we don't know what it is but we think it's a dog but she's not convinced and starts to spiral out of control because she starts thinking she hit a kid instead and the movie shows her losing her mind in a very slow fashion and it's all surreal and disorienting and she's not actually "...

Alrighty, so this is a Terrence Malick movie and people either love or hate Malick because his films' plots are super non-linear and they're super poetic and visually gorgeous and have a lot of repetitive voiceover narrations and shots of leaves and trees and skies and flowers and actors brooding and THE TREE OF LIFE is a coming-of-age story that takes you from the creation of life to the end and...

So it's based on a popular western action series starring Mel Gibson and Tina Turner was in one of the films but this is a reboot and it has mostly practical effects and it's basically entirely one large car chase and so freakin' cool and I don't even like action movies but this one makes me want to play the guitar on a speeding car for fun but preferably in the desert and not the city because it...

So there's this Argentinian magistrate and I never know how to pronounce that word and it's a period piece movie and this guy wants to go home back to his family but can't leave this island and there are indigenous people everywhere and people are so mean to them and it's awful and he keeps trying to go home but can't and he just gets more and more irritated and there are horses. TRAILER : https:/...

So this is a series of war vignettes and none of them are really connected and they all take place during the end of World War II in Italy and it features mostly unknown actors and each story is so dark and depressing and sad and emotional but they need to be because war SUCKS and like it shouldn't be glamorized in cinema especially WWII because like WTF this was such a terribly dark part in world...

UGHHHHH this movie is literally the FIRST vampire movie E V E R and it's not like terrifying in my opinion but it's so gorgeously/hauntingly shot and the lead actor is iconic as Count Orlok who is like a walking talking bat/rat/naked mole rat but he drinks blood and is like AJFJEAF:JWEKru398doj3@!!!F just with his eyes and big ears and claws or are they fingernails anyway AHHHHHH! TRAILER : https:...

It's the Cold War but this is a work of fiction and a bunch of US B-52 bombers are tasked with bombing the USSR because their commander is a lunatic and then Peter Sellers plays three roles - a Brit, an American, and a Nazi - and it's all in black-and-white and it's one of the most famous dark comedies/satires ever made and the LEGEND Stanley Kubrick made it and alien hand syndrome is a real thing...

So there's a guy who meets a hot girl who's like "I love you, let's make love and kill my husband and become rich" and he does but then she's more twisted than he thinks and this is a noir with one of best screenplays of all time and it's dark and sexy and twisted and sometimes funny and just SOOOOOO DAMN GOOOOOOOD! ("good," not "God.") TRAILER : https://youtu.be/yKrrAa2o9Eg

It's like The Lizzie McGuire Movie except Monica Vitti walks around moodily and never smiles and has the hots for this handsome young guy in Rome but this isn't a love story at all but a seriously enigmatic, abstract film with images galore and ROMEEEEEE I MUST GO THERE NOWWWWWW. ("This is what dreams are made of...") TRAILER : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHUapLYEi4s

Wendy Hiller is gonna get married! And she gets stuck on the Isle of Mull! And she falls for a local guy there! And there's a curse! And there's a whirlpool! And she's independent! And she loves exclamation points! Think Outlander meets rom-com. TRAILER : https://youtu.be/EVXs_bUXQ_8