I Hate It, Let’s Watch It

It's a Dawn & Lisa Double Digest for this week's episode of Riverdale recapping! Hot button issues include the questionable selection of judges for a beauty pageant featuring teenage girls, Alice's wildly (if not consistently) unethical parenting strategies, a rogue musical number, and the unwelcome resurrection of Vughead. Join us as we continue to ignore anything remotely important or plot-w...

We interrupt our regularly scheduled Riverdale recaps to bring you one of the most controversial new shows of 2023 -- HBO's The Idol. If there was an Oscar for Most Criminally Squandered Premise, this show would take the cake. Pieces of plot keep trying to shine through, but they are quickly extinguished by the Weeknd's rat tail and Lily-Rose Depp's nipples. Despite our best efforts, we couldn't e...

Well, kids, it's finally here -- the LAST Riverdale musical episode we will ever have to endure, and let's just say...it met our low expectations. Basically, Kevin and Clay decided to write an entire original musical based on the fact that Archie is incapable of making decisions, and they're shocked when it doesn't go over well with anyone. Between the flawed premise, the half-assed attempt at an...

It's commies, cameos, and comic books on this week's episode of Riverdale! Suddenly, our favorite small town is apparently CRAWLING with communist sympathizers, including guest star Hiram Lodge, who has been caught consorting with...Videl Mastro...yeah, we can't get over that one, either. And Clifford Blossom, the only real red scare that exists in Riverdale, continues his campaign against sexual...

We're back with more Riverdale, and Riverdale is back with more meaningless musical numbers crowbarred in where they don't belong and examples of extremely abusive parenting that should be prosecuted by a governing authority but are instead "resolved" with a stern lecture! But it's fine because we ALSO get...absolutely nowhere with the Milkman investigation. Plus, we get an answer to question we'v...

If Riverdale can time travel back into the 1950s, then we guess they're allowed to celebrate Halloween in June. There's a little something for everyone in this variety show including a tasteless zombie burlesque musical number, a mysterious late-night milk delivery, more horny Betty, and a stabby stab MURDER?? P.S. We apologize for the audio quality of this episode; we'd had one too many murder mi...

In what is ostensibly Riverdale's horniest season yet, no one in this damn town can seem to get laid. Betty and Veronica are trying their hardest and FINALLY get their "beaus" to take them out on dates, but Archie and Reggie are so obsessed with talking about cars with one another, it's a big fat waste of time (ours, too). Meanwhile, Cheryl is begging Toni to just spend some time with her, and spo...

This week, we're focused on Betty and Veronica, so we only enjoyed 50% of this episode (if you've listened to ANY of our Riverdale episodes, you already know which 50% we hated). Veronica becomes further embroiled in a war with her invisible parents, and Betty is going through it between borderline sexually abusive therapy sessions with Dr. Werthers and being disowned by her own mother for no appa...

This week, it's the return of Reggie (and Tabitha, who disappeared for six episodes but still managed to keep up with her schoolwork, thank god), and it's a whole new ball game! Archie does his golden boy best to help Reggie assimilate, but to the surprise of absolutely no one, Julian Blossom ain't about to let that happen without a fight. Veronica sinks to new lows, and RIP to our favorite new ch...

Recapping this episode was rough for a lot of reasons, but we're gonna give it a ~twirl~ We've got a particularly messed up homophobia plotline for Kevin, a CLASSIC Veronica-turned-entrepreneur story, and the briefest glimpse of THE MILKMAN threatening the life of our favorite new character, Brad Raybury. Dare we hope for a murder investigation next week?? Tune in next time to find out!   Don’t fo...

Peep show? More like creep show -- this episode features an overly involved Uncle Frank (and his mustache) cracking the whip on Archie for no good reason, Jughead engaging in a bit of unapologetic theft from his personal hero, and in our weirdest B&V team-up yet, a lingerie fashion show and a joint "Peeping Patty" session that made us ALL uncomfortable. At least Choni is back in action (FINALLY) a...

We interrupt our regularly scheduled garbage to take a pointless detour through someone's comic book-inspired fever dream on this week's episode of Riverdale. We get bite-size morality tales featuring headless basketball players, jungle leprosy, what was ALMOST a Spiderwoman origin story, and a menage a trois that's a real side-splitter (WINK WINK). This episode was a waste of time, but our recap...

This week, we celebrate the demise of our first mismatched pairing, thanks to Betty's unerring determination to GET LAID. With Cheryl and Archie on thin ice as well, we direct our full ire towards the blasphemy that is Vughead (BARF) and their half-hearted attempt to solve the milkman murders between bouts of awkward banter and unsexy makeout sessions. In other news, Uncle Frank is back and sporti...

If you came here for sex or education, we're sorry to say that this episode has neither. What we can offer is our most valiant attempt at making something interesting out of a very dull episode of Riverdale that couldn't deliver on its promise of salacious sexy times. Let us draw your focus instead to the newest murderer on the scene...THE MILKMAN, who allegedly stabby stabbed Ethel's parents and...

Gas up your DeLoreans because Season 7 of Riverdale is stuck in the 50s and we really need to get back to the future where, admittedly, everything still sucks but at least we'd be rid of Veronica's bangs. While Tabitha is working on untangling some timelines to restore the gang to the present day, we're working on untangling some of the ridiculous elements we've already been introduced to in just...

Brace yourselves! Season 7 of Riverdale is almost upon us! And there is A LOT of reminiscing to be done, as well as some well-intentioned attempts at predicting what's to come. We are both excited and terrified to see what the writers have in store for this final season of a show that has jumped about a hundred sharks in its 6-year runtime, and we hope you'll be there to experience it with us!   D...

Here's a drinking game sure to mess you up -- one rule: drink every time we say "EW." Infinity Pool might just be the most disgusting movie we've ever covered, and that's saying something considering we watched a movie about two people being sewn together at the abdomen and another movie where evil pastries cause you to fart yourself to death. This one was an incredibly bizarre trip that we were w...

Razzie Award-winning director Colson Baker brings us this week's assault on our ears and eyes, and let's just say, we've hit a new low. Good Mourning redefines "waste of time" and the flaccid attempt at a plot makes some of the other movies we've watched for this podcast look like Best Pictures. We've thoughtfully condensed a HARROWING 90-minute experience into a very digestible 35-minute conversa...

It's gettin' hot in here, so take off all your clothes -- except your undershirt and old timey suspenders because GOD DAMN, that's a good look. We couldn't have hoped for a better way to end our month of loooove celebration than with this steamy cinematic sexventure, so if you are looking for a way to warm up in these cold winter months, throw on Lady Chatterley's Lover and join our conversation a...

For our 100th episode, we wanted to do something really special and this made-for-tv movie from 1990 based on our beloved Archie Comics characters definitely fit the bill! Just over two years ago, we were inspired to start making this podcast so we could have the opportunity to vent about the ridiculousness that is the CW series Riverdale. One hundred episodes later, we're still venting about that...

If you're looking for an exciting, romantic movie to watch while you're curled up with that special someone this Valentine's Day...keep looking because The Final Rose ain't it. Fans of Bachelor Nation will get a kick out of the obvious winks and nods to the franchise, but other than trying to be a parody, this movie has NO idea what it's doing and you WILL be disappointed by the lackluster resolut...

We're thinking of ending this podcast after watching this needlessly long exercise in awkward conversations. (Just kidding, we're masochists and we will watch bad movies and tell you about them until we die.) But seriously, I'm Thinking of Ending Things truly tested our tolerance for pretentious crap, and without vital intel from the book that started it all, our discussion would have been as conf...

If you've ever gotten stuck sitting next to a screaming baby on a two-hour plane flight, then you already know what it feels like to watch Abandoned. It's honestly hard to say anything else about this movie because our ears are still ringing from the never-ending assault, but if you were wondering if the movie was able to save itself with interesting plot twists and genuine suspense, well, you'll...

Join us in saying, "Bon voyage!" to another craptastic season of Emily in Paris! The show left us with quite a cliffhanger and not so subtly hinted that there will be even more drama to come in Season 4. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Bombs are dropped left and right in these final two episodes, and we're here to help you make sense of the carnage. Thanks for coming on the journey with us!...

Mess continues to be the primary feature of this season of Emily in Paris, and with just two episodes left, we're expecting to get a whole lot of cringe. With Camille and Alfie conveniently absent from the plot this week, Emily and Gabriel are inching closer and closer to the boundary of appropriate contact, and we have our doubts they can keep dancing around it for much longer. Plus Mindy is in p...