How To Be Real

This week we got into self-trust, what it feels like when you finally start building it, and why the leap can feel scary. Plus parts of ourselves we’ve rediscovered this past year, some things that are getting on our nerves, and the story of Nolan Wells. If you’re more of a visuals girlie, catch up on our YouTube channel AAAND… 💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show, heyhowtobe...

Who defines what “professional” is anyway?! How we show up in spaces that weren’t built with us in mind, how we own our authority instead of asking for it, and what it takes to stand our ground when a fellow “professional” needs to be checked. Plus: what we’re loving about our lives right now, things in the world that aren’t complete trash, and a shoutout to the Obamas & Mamdanistan! 🖤 If you’re...

Real intimacy has gotten confused with being seen. With shows like Love Island, Love Is Blind & others (that we watch + enjoy 😅) shaping how we think about closeness, real intimacy is getting lost in the plot. This week, we get into intimacy in the age of overexposure, talk about what our real-life superpowers are, send some love to NY for the Knicks playoff energy, and a new round of our fave se...

Why does it always feel so hard to be in that transitional period from one life experience to the next?! It could be something as simple as a change in your daily routine, or that time spent waiting for your next big opportunity to come knocking. Either way, it can drive a girl crazy! If you’re more of a visuals girlie, catch up on our YouTube channel AAAND… 💌 Send us a letter or question to be f...

Guess what: You can want to be great and still be terrified of being seen at the same time! Also on the docket this week: the Roast of Kevin Hart, our thoughts on the Michael Jackson biopic, and why what’s happening to voting rights in the South right now deserves more of our attention. If you’re more of a visuals girlie, catch up on our YouTube channel AAAND… 💌 Send us a letter or question to be...

In this episode we get into how we balance our need for control with the courage to surrender and of course we share what's been irritating us in our favorite segment" I don't like that" This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com

We took a beat this episode to actually look at ourselves: the women we are now vs. who we used to be, what we had to unlearn about womanhood, and what it’s meant to build a space where we can talk about all of it honestly. Plus, our thoughts on why TV/movies have become so grotesque, churches doing the right thing with their money, the Artemis 2 crew, and so much more! 🖤 If you’re more of a visu...

This week, let’s explore what it really looks, sounds, and feels like when you’re fighting the flow instead of riding it…and when “going with the flow” starts looking a lot like just checking out. PLUS: our fave no-skips albums, bikers who need they ass whooped, the OD protein push, and much more! If you’re more of a visuals girlie, catch up on our YouTube channel AAAND… 💌 Send us a letter or que...

There’s a debt that builds quietly every time you let people meet a masked version of you instead of the real one. This episode, we’re discussing what code switching has actually cost us personally and where you even begin when the performance has become automatic. PLUS Oscars reactions, old school movies that still go hard, LaRussell’s ‘heaven sent’ song, Jack Harlow’s pandering era, and more! If...

This week, we talked about the shame monster: where it comes from, how it gets its grip on you, and what it’s actually taken to start loosening that grip. We share moments when we felt like failures and the slow, sometimes uncomfortable work of learning that our worth is never tied to what we can produce. Plus: Who we’d want to represent humanity in an alien invasion, Jonathan Majors’ “anti-woke S...

You wanna be on top? Cool. But at what cost? We’re revisiting America’s Next Top Model, reality TV culture, and the blueprint we were handed about success (then redefining it on our own terms). Plus, a nod to the Black pioneers we celebrate all year long. If you’re more of a visuals girlie, catch up on episodes on our YouTube channel AAAND… 💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the sho...

We love when our nervous systems feel regulated, but let’s be real… moments like that can be few and far between. But what does it feel like to be regulated vs disregulated? How do we get to those points? Let’s dig deep and find out! If you’re more of a visuals girlie, catch up on episodes on our YouTube channel AAAND… 💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show, heyhowtobereal@gmai...

Anger has been labeled the villain for way too long. We’re told to calm down, be softer, be more evolved, when really, righteous anger is often the first thing telling us the truth. This episode explores how we can heal our relationship with anger and use it as a source of clarity and information. If you’re more of a visuals girlie, catch up on episodes on our YouTube channel AAAND… 💌 Send us a l...

We’re diving into the mindset behind pivoting, what alignment actually feels like, and how to change course without shame. Plus, our favorite segment, ‘I don’t like that,’ returns as we vent about the things we are simply not into right now. If you’re more of a visuals girlie, catch up on episodes on our YouTube channel AAAND… 💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show, heyhowtober...

It’s time to  pack light,  as Ms. Badu said. Like most things, it’s easier said than done, but we can’t go into 2026 still holding onto things that are weighing us down. If you’re more of a visual girlie, catch up on episodes via our YouTube channel ! AAAND… 💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show, heyhowtobereal@gmail.com 😉 Subscribe for more conversations that go beneath the...

Some of these takes might sound wild at first. Give it a second. If you can step out of your own head, they start lining up real quick. From calling out therapist cosplay to side-eyeing streamers. In this episode, we discuss a few hills we’re absolutely standing on…and we said what we said. If you’re more of a visuals girlie, catch up on episodes on our YouTube channel AAAND… 💌 Send us a letter o...

Body shame shows up early and sticks around longer than any of us asked for. We’re letting go of the shame we didn’t choose and getting honest about the messages we internalized without even noticing. A listener letter takes us deeper, and a quick detour through Player’s Club/BET Uncut chaos keeps it real. A soft drag and a soft landing, all at once. If you’re more of a visual girlie, catch up on...

We all have some type of generational trauma — the behaviors, beliefs, and emotional patterns passed down through families that shape us more than we realize. This episode, we dig into how these patterns showed up for us and what it’s taking to break or transform them. We also introduced a new segment “Rate + Review” where we chat through our fave (and not so fave) things on TV! If you’re more of...

This week, we’re breaking down performative support v. real sisterhood, how social media reshaped feminism, and what community looks like when women hold space for each other. If you’re more of a visuals girlie, catch up on episodes on our YouTube channel AAAND… 💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show, heyhowtobereal@gmail.com 😉 Subscribe for more conversations that go beneath...

We talked about what it really means to live in agreement—with who you are, what you want, and how you move through the world. We also unpacked how this shows up in the culture: D’Angelo’s refusal to be boxed in by labels, Ayesha Curry’s honesty, good news out of California, and the ceasefire in Gaza. **Also, if you'd like to donate to those impacted by the typhoon in Alaska, the Association of Vi...

Forgiveness. The kind that’s awkward. Quiet. Not always cute. And doesn’t always come with a happy ending. This episode, we get into: • What forgiveness actually looks like when you’re in it • The difference between letting go and holding a grudge • How to know when you’ve actually moved on (vs just saying you have) • The levels of forgiveness no one really talks about Plus: a Solange appreciation...

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: accountability isn’t aesthetic. It’s uncomfortable, it’s vulnerable, and it doesn’t always come with applause. This week, we’re talking about: What it really means to own your sh*t, our own recent bouts with accountability, and more. AAAND… Don’t forget to read this month’s newsletter . We made it just for you! If you’re more of a visual girlie, catch u...

This week’s episode is part playlist swap, part storytime, part bffr on cultural commentary. We also spent a little extra time on our favorite segment, I Don’t Like That , featuring thoughts on messy documentaries, the media’s obsession with certain narratives, and a few moments we just couldn’t let slide. And don’t forget to read this month’s newsletter. We made it just for you! If you’re more of...

We’re getting real about ego: the messy, funny, sometimes protective voice inside us that can either keep us safe or hold us back. Ego isn’t the enemy, but it definitely needs to be checked sometimes. Tap in and let’s figure out together. And don’t forget to read this month’s newsletter . We made it just for you! If you’re more of a visual girlie, catch up on episodes on our YouTube channel AAAND…...

This one’s for the people who are always doing the most…and finally asking, why? In this episode, we talk about what we’re working on and working toward. We also share some of the funniest news stories of the week (because balance) and our personal red flags that let us know a tv show or movie is about to be trash. And don’t forget to read this month’s newsletter . We made it just for you! If you’...