Heretics' Social Club

Send a text Howdy Heretic! This week we're diving into Scrooge McDuck's vault of coins, and going swimming with prosperity preachers! We're talking yachts, private jets, limousines, champagne, caviar, and 40,000 sq ft homes, but not a lick of room for you! No, these blessings are reserved for the people who sit at the top of the pyramid. Let's talk about the men and women who c...

Send a text Welcome back to the second week of Mark. In this episode we talk about Jesus' bad habits like being all hush hush about PUBLIC miracles, and ghosting his family for strangers he just met. We'll also discuss Hip Hop in perhaps the most suburbanite way that hip hop has ever been discussed. At the end of the episode, in honor of Mark, we're stripping off our linens, and goi...

Send a text This week we're spreading the proverbial buttcheeks of the Gospel of Mark to see what goes on behind the scenes of writing a gospel. First of all it helps to have someone you can plagiarize like Oh I don't know, could it be... MATTHEW?!? We're on to you fellas, and your copy and paste scam. It's a good thing ChatGPT didn't exist in bible times, or they would&ap...

Send a text MMMMMM lawd, Jason done went & found some church related true crime, and we'll be damned if we're not gonna talk all about it. (Let's be honest, we'll be damned anyway.) In this episode we discuss Jeffrey Lundgren, at least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, this Jeffrey he preferred to use shit as lube. Dude! Speaking of terrible things, this epis...

Send a text Hey there you Horny Stud! Are you looking for a partner to rope you in, and corral your wildest desires? Well, saddle up, and steer yourself over here, because these boys love a good hump, they're raring to buck your brains out at a medium pace, and they won't stop until you've been well done! (Just gonna read this note Jason has passed me) and now I'd like to apolo...

Send a text And we're not talking about my grandfather's taxidermy collection. No way, Josiah. Today we're talking about most progressive Christian Porn title of all time, "The Sir/Ma'am on the Mount!" A timeless classic by any standard!  (Just give me a second while I read this note from Jason that apparently can't wait until I finish my captioning.)  Ah. Okay....

Send a text We're back in the Nü Testament this meek, I mean week, and it looks like we're going over the Beatitudes. Blessed are the ones who are in need of blessing, for they shall be blessed. Oh, but not on Earth. No they have to suffer through a whole life on Earth first, and then if they've been meek enough, then they can go to heaven, and have a nice afterlife. That's gon...

Send a text Yaya? What the shit is this? Are we talking about shrimp & grits today? No. We're talking about JTB! What's JTB you ask? Is it the hottest nü K-pop group? A rad new kind of dirtbike? Jimmy the Boat? Well...no. It's John the Baptist. Some people don't know that John the Baptist was actually the Samwise Gamgee of the Bible, and that Jesus was actually more like Fr...

Send a text That's right y'all! We're skipping our way into the past by skipping ahead to the Fred Durst of the Bible: THE NÜ TESTAMENT! What's that? it's spelled "new"? Well the joke doesn't work with that spelling. I'm leaving it. Speaking of leaving it, if you're tired of the rigamarole of the Church, Won't you join us, friend?

Send a text Hey Kid! Yeah you! You look like a cool kid. Are you a cool kid?  Don't you wanna be one of the cool kids? Come on kid, don't you want to live forever. The first hit is always free. Yeah, come on. Just try it. I promise it won't hurt you. Give Jesus a chance! You won't regret it. We just need 10% of your income, and we signed you up for the potluck Sunday to bring A...

Send a text Well, it happened. We finally got to the end of the ol' Pentateuch. Moses has moseyed on to Mount Nebo, where he shall forever more rest in eternal slumber just shy of the promised land, but with a good view of all the genocide to come. What have we learned from Moses during our time? Let's see... basically you can live your whole life in selfless devotion to the lord, and he...

Send a text Here comes Jesus Done-been-flailed, hobbling down the Via-De-La-Rosa-trail. That's right folks, It's THE EASTER EPISODE, or as I like to call it, HE IS RESIN! That's no typo! Oh no! Let he who is without probation be the first one stoned! This week the fellas get all stogna bologna like Post Malogna on the phogna, and transfix themselves upon Mel "Columcille" G...

Send a text Howdy sinners! We're still exploring the desert with Moseying Moses, and the Funky Bunch. This week we talk about Joshua, Caleb, & the promised land of Canaan (currently inhabited by filthy indigenous squatters. Ugh.) Jason proposes a new villain in the story of the Bible, and Shauncey hardens the studio audiences hearts to show them the error of their giggling ways. Somewhere...

Send a text Well, wouldn't you know it? We're back, and this time we're talking about Numbers! That's right. 1, 2, 3, etc! We're going to count so high... What's that? We're not going to actually talk about Numbers while we talk about the book of Numbers? The Book of Numbers is mostly words you say? Well hell. This couldn't be all that fun, huh? WRONG! We bo...

Send a text Did y'all know that God set a pretty strict standard of living for the Levitical priests at one time? Yeah. It wasn't always just do whatever you want, and God will still love you. For awhile there, they were chopping folks heads off for forgetting to salt the steak. God damn. I'm talking literally, God...Damn... Phew. Anyway, we may have also uncovered the secret behind...

Send a text The first of many episodes where we shift our focus away from the words of the B-I-B-L-E, and onto those chosen few who find themselves considered Saints in the world of Catholicism (and other forms of holiness). We use  our machetes of truth & humor to hack away at the overgrown vines of religion that have blanketed our society. Also, if you pay attention closely, you'll hear...

Send a text So we find our heroes stomping around in the desert trying to find a way home, when Moses disappears into the hills tripping balls during a thunderstorm. So the kids get all bored, and decide to throw the first Burning Man Fest! They make a dope cow statue out of all their own jewelry, and get some music going. Then here comes the ol' Party-Pooper-Extraordinaire, Moses himself ski...

Send a text Season 2 opens to find that Moses & them didn't really want to get them ol' Philistines all riled up, so they took a shortcut directly through the Red Sea. Of course Pharaoh's dumbass followed them right in, and let me just say that it's really too bad that Pharaoh brought Herb & the boys instead of 600 of his best amphibious hovercrafts. Not even one boat!...

Send a text Well folks, it's been a helluva year. We've been yammering away on this bad boy for 16 episodes now, and we couldn't have done it without you. Well, we could have, and we did, but we probably wouldn't have kept doing it at least some of you hadn't listened, so thank you for that. This here will be our last episode of the year, but we'll be back next year t...

Send a text If there's one thing I can't stand, it's when you go try to do the thing God has told you to do, but when you get there, God has secretly replaced the compassionate heart of Pharaoh with a second, hardened heart thus making the task given to you impossible. Sometimes that there God fella works in ways that are so mysterious that even he has no idea what the fuck they&apo...

Send a text Moses has lived a life of privilege thus far having been discarded by his mother, then adopted by the daughter of the Pharaoh, and then given back to the same mother who tried to dump him off down the Nile in a cum-soaked basket. No wonder this guy starts murdering people. There's no telling how fucked up this guy is. We better put him in charge of negotiations to free an enslaved...

Send a text Okay, I know you're all excited about being out of Genesis, but I'm going to ask that you refrain from letting your people go just yet. In this episode we explore the intricacies of the biblical saga through the art of masturbation jokes. We plant the seed of the story of the Moses in a basket of Papyrus (a podcast not the font) and set it adrift on the river of the internet...

Send a text Happy Helloween Sinners! We missed y'all so much that we wanted to put out an episode specifically dedicated to the christian* holiday of Halloween; A celebration that was stolen from Pagan customs to try to align the secular celebrations with new religious observations, thus eradicating indigenous practices, and supplanting them with new nonsense.  Ain't it just like Christi...

Send a text Ah hell, we're just trying to get out of Genesis, and wouldn't you know ol' Zack & Becky's  boys are at it again. Jacob done got into the birthrights while Esau was starving, and Esau being a ginger and all, let his uncontrollable rage escape him. Meanwhile Jacob done run off to the land of Labia to have about 5011 children with everyone, and their servant. So i...

Send a text Holy shit! It's our TENTH EPISODE! We're celebrating with the longest intro in our history. lol (Not as long as Genesis though, good lord. how long is this book? What have we signed on for here? Skip 10 minutes in to miss all the good stuff) We kick it off with an impromptu Furnace Fest review, and a bit of the old "Love Thy Neighbor" THEN THE INTRO WTF??? and then...