HEALTHY FAMILY CONNECTIONS

In this episode Neil offers a cultural perspective for Anti-Bullying Month. He speaks to the many faces of bullying and he uses an example of a youth who withdrew from middle school to avoid a bullying culture to demonstrate how important cultural change is to end bullying. Neil explains how the current political climate is making the whole country feel unsafe and praises individual acts of courag...

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom whose gifted talented daughter signs up for everything and stresses herself and everyone else out. Neil looks at the different causes of youth over-commitment and stress and helps this Mom find the right parenting approach to change the family dynamic. Neil address when individual therapy is a good choice for this this teenager and when it is a bad choice. Ha...

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who's son was arrested for stealing pot. Mom was shocked because, while her older son was very challenging, this came out of the blue. Neil takes a deeper look at the dynamics that led to this including the Control Battle with the older brother and the impact it had on the whole family. Neil explains the impact of peer pressure and neuro-development on teen b...

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom wanting to know if giving allowance to her 12 and 14 year olds should be tied to whether or not they do their chores. She's heard that they shouldn't be tied together, but is concerned that offering allowance when her kids are not being responsible or respectful is sending a wrong message and it makes her feel taken advantage of. Neil takes a higher-level loo...

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who is supporting her daughter with Anxiety Disorder financially and emotionally. Mom is wondering how best to help her develop her independence and if it makes sense of her daughter to come home, push reset, and start over again. Neil shows Mom how to take herself out of the helper position and how doing less will actually be doing more to help. Neil challen...

In this episode Neil responds to a Dad who has a well functioning 15 year old son, but goes into a rage when his parents say "NO". Dad and Mom have been following "good parenting" models and avoided getting angry. Now they can't establish effective limits. Neil explains the difference between destructive parental anger and healthy parental anger. He explains the potential negative consequences of...

: In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who was involved in threats and counter threats with her 16 year old daughter. Now her daughter is out of the house and Mom is needing help knowing how to move forward. Neil explains how law enforcement can support parental authority and the difference between youth who act out with emotional issues and youth who have not yet internalized a value system. He...

In this episode Neil responds to a man who's wondering if the advice to validate your partner, applies if your partner is disordered and highly unreasonable. Neil explains that validation is not agreeing and explains and demonstrates how validation and limit setting go together and how to do both the right way. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healt...

In this episode Neil answers a question from Mary who's husband makes special deals with the kids and tells them not to tell their mother. She's extremely frustrated and wondering if she should end the marriage. Neil speaks to circumstances that would warrant ending a marriage, but challenges Mary to bring her best self to her marriage as well as the counseling she's frustrated with. It's only whe...

In this episode Neil answers a question from a Mom who can't get the phone away from her 14 year old daughter. Mom is wondering how families are managing life with cell phones. Neil offers essential wisdom for teens and cell phone use, and shows this Mom that her daughter is struggling with loneliness and feeling disconnected in her family and gives Mom some powerful tools to turn things around. N...

In this episode Neil answers a question from a therapist wanting to know the formula for raising confident, resilient kids. The therapist offers her list of 10 parenting strategies and Neil offers one more that he feels is critical. Neil speaks to the inhumane treatment and child abuse of minors at the hand of the US government and how profoundly destructive parental separation and neglect is to t...

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who wants to know how to talk with her 9-yr-old son when he absolutely refuses to go with the family on a scheduled event. The family has been struggling with his violent behavior and she reports he is extremely strong willed and has too much power in the family. Neil demonstrates a way to respond to refusal while staying aligned with a child's goals. He also...

In this episode Neil responds to a man who wants to know how to deal with his wife's constant criticisms. He is afraid the tension is heading them for divorce. Neil explains how defending against criticisms or requests is similar to fighting over the right of way with cars. When someone is in the intersection, they have the right-of-way and if we fight it, it will cause an accident; it's the same...

In this episode Neil answers a question from a Mom dealing with her 14 yr. old son who accuses his parents of wanting to control him and enjoying taking away his privileges. Neil introduces a tool for parents to help teenagers understand that their behavior communicates their readiness for independence and privileges. He uses a role-play to demonstrate how to introduce it to your youth. Have a que...

In this episode Neil answers a question from a Dad who in dealing with his ADHD 14 year old son is being labeled by his wife, his mother, and his sister as being rigid. Dad thinks they are enabling his son and wants to know if he is being clear or rigid and how to deal with the woman in his life. Neil speaks to special needs teen development, best ways to work with them, how to be clear without be...

In this episode Neil answers a question from a Dad who, after reading many books on parenting strategies, realizes that the real struggle is with his own behavior. He wants to know how to "keep his cool" when his kids don't listen. Neil helps Dad by explaining the difference between unhealthy and healthy expectations and goals. Neil invites Dad to embrace the opportunities for personal growth offe...

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom whose young adult daughter is just getting out of a drug and alcohol rehabilitation program. Her daughter wants to use medical marijuana for her anxiety and her mother knows that she's a lot calmer on it. Mom wants to know if she should support that or not. Neil speaks to the damage done by many years of substance abuse by this young adult and offers a paradi...

In this episode Neil responds to a woman who doesn't like that her husband is using pornography. Neil explains both the healthy and destructive uses of porn and the impact they have on relationships. He then helps this woman understand how she might engage a healthy discussion about her feelings. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Conne...

In this episode Neil responds to a woman concerned that her therapy isn't providing her with what she needs. She's being advised to get divorced and start anti-depressants, and she doesn't like those options. Neil lays out the 5 critical things high quality therapy needs to provide, when a client feels mired in a painful situation. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future...

In this episode Neil responds to a mother whose 2 daughters fight over everything. Neil identifies the 5 vital conflict management skills necessary in life and gives Mom a way to introduce them and teach them to her girls. In this way, she can make using the skills more attractive to them than fighting and arguing. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The H...

In this episode Neil responds to a question from a mother struggling with her bright talented daughter who is critical of almost everyone. She knows something needs to be done when the school tells her that they've talked to their daughter about bullying. On the school's advice, parents sent their daughter to therapy, but with nothing changing they reached out to Neil. Neil examines nurture and na...

In this episode, Neil addresses the College Admissions Scandal and speaks to the importance of character development for achieving personal happiness and success. He challenges us to look at the lengths we go to clear the way for our youth, robbing them of opportunities to learn and grow from failure. Finally, Neil explains that a "great" college for one person may not be a "great" college for ano...

Episode Description: In this episode, Neil responds to a woman who has her mother living next door who helps with childcare, but is chronically critical. She is so beaten down that she finds herself crying at the slightest provocation. Neil helps this Mom first attend to her burnout, and then change the pattern of her lifelong relationship with her chronically critical mother. Neil offers examples...

Episode Description: In this episode, Neil responds to a mother who took a stand with her 15-year-old son; she clarified parental expectations, removed privileges, and got good results. Now she wants to know how to avoid this being the new pattern of having to constantly withdraw privileges to get his attention. Neil uses this question to address the larger issue of changing out of an adversarial...

Episode Description: In this episode, Neil responds to a mother who knows her childhood is affecting how she gets her feelings hurt as a mother and wife. But she wants tools for being able to be as confident and adult in her roles at home as she is in her roles at work. Neil offers this Mom a powerful healing exercise and demonstrates how to use it effectively. Neil shares that most of us, includi...