Happily Ever After is Just the Beginning

“Because we were in love” is the answer most people give to “Why did you get married?” Love is wonderful. Who doesn’t want to experience that warm, safe, passionate emotion? Unfortunately, love alone is not enough to sustain a healthy, successful relationship. So, stop hanging your happiness on the song lyric “love is all you need”. Marriage and Family Therapist and Life Coach John Kim ( http://ww...

Thinking about conflict, especially in your relationship, conjures up all kinds of unpleasant things. But it doesn’t have to. It may seem counter-intuitive but disagreeing with your partner can actually make your relationship stronger. Seeing these times as an opportunity to grow and learn more about each other turns what you’re avoiding into a win-win for you and your marriage. Dr. Elizabeth Dorr...

I’m sure you’ve heard the question, “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” Most people would say they want to be happy, but their actions say they want both. The problem is that isn’t possible. Yet people still keep trying. The result—personal unhappiness and distressed relationships. A better alternative, and one that increases your chance to be happy, is to let go of the objective...

Vulnerability, especially emotional vulnerability, is all the rage right now. For many, it is also terrifying. For a very long time, vulnerability has been equated with weakness. Being vulnerable and, more importantly, showing vulnerability has not been celebrated. But the moment you begin to love someone, you become vulnerable. How you handle this will determine the success of your relationships....

I’m sure you’ve heard the question, “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” Most people would say they want to be happy, but their actions say they want both. The problem is that isn’t possible. Yet people still keep trying. The result—personal unhappiness and distressed relationships. A better alternative, and one that increases your chance to be happy, is to let go of the objective...

You disagree. You argue. You fight. Yet, nothing seems to get resolved. In fact, it just makes matters worse. Sound familiar? You’re not alone. All couples do some of this to one degree or another. But it’s never fun and often it’s hurtful. It can also change if you want it to. Dr. James Creighton ( https://jameslcreighton.com/) , psychologist, relationship consultant, and author of Loving Through...

Do you bite your tongue for fear of rocking the boat? Do you stay quiet about your feelings in order to keep the piece? Do you find yourself saying, “If only my partner would ……, then everything would be okay?” If you’re doing any of these things, resentment has probably entered your relationship. If it has, your relationship is in trouble. But psychotherapist and interfaith minister Nancy Colier...

It’s Tax Time! That statement causes many of us to break out into a cold sweat. It’s the one time of year that we can’t pretend about our finances. So, it’s often a time for money fights to break out. When you’re looking at the dollars and cents or, frequently, the lack of them it can be a punch to the gut. Money is one of the top two reasons for marital distress, but it doesn’t have to be. Alex C...

One of the worst things to ever happen to relationships was the movie Jerry MacGuire and the immortalized line, “You complete me.” The writers didn’t come up with this line, they merely amplified it a million times all over the world. It is not your partner’s job to “complete” you or to make you happy. BECAUSE. THEY. CAN’T. Does this mean you won’t have a successful and satisfying marriage? No. La...

Do you buy in to the accepted belief that a marriage only has a 50/50 chance to succeed? Do you believe that relationships are natural and if there are problems it means you’re with the wrong person? Would it surprise you to learn that embracing certain skills and behaviors can dramatically increase your chance of having a healthy, loving relationship that lasts? Good news! Relationship expert and...

Do you buy in to the accepted belief that a marriage only has a 50/50 chance to succeed? Do you believe that relationships are natural and if there are problems it means you’re with the wrong person? Would it surprise you to learn that embracing certain skills and behaviors can dramatically increase your chance of having a healthy, loving relationship that lasts? Good news! Relationship expert and...

You and your partner have had another fight. Neither of you feel good about it. Damage was done and feelings are hurt. You don’t want to sweep it under the rug and pretend it didn’t happen, but you also hesitate to bring it up for fear of starting another one. You can’t move forward or back. You’re just stuck. Not to worry. Intentionally Intimate Coach Kyle Benson ( https://kylebenson.net/) goes s...

The #MeToo Movement has been a long time in coming. But just because some men are louts and engage in toxic behavior, it’s not necessary to demonize authentic masculinity. Most men are good guys. While they should not carry the blame for the misbehavior of others, it doesn’t mean there aren’t positive actions they can take to support the social change that is happening. Yes, this is a relationship...

It is often said that the three hardest words to say are, “I love you.” While those are necessary and appreciated in a marriage, they aren’t the most important ones. Being able and willing to say, “I am sorry”, with sincerity and consistency, is what is going to keep your marriage healthy and successful. Marriage is a cycle of connection, disconnection, and repair. Apologies are critical for repai...

Far too many people believe that relationships are natural. You meet someone, fall in love, plan a life together and go on autopilot. This is not a prescription for success. It’s a prescription for flying into the side of a mountain. That’s where many people find themselves at the beginning of every year. Wondering why their marriages are struggling and what, if anything, can be done to make them...

Okay, paraphrasing a movie quote may be a bit cheesy but evidence shows most of us lie in some way shape or form to our partners, and they lie to us, this is an appropriate question. Now your first response may be, “I don’t lie.” And you may not look your partner in the eye and flat out lie. But what about not sharing the entire truth? Or even little white lies meant to spare their feelings? Even...

It’s January. You’ve made it through the holidays-- determined to make them great for your kids. Now you’ve entered what’s unofficially known as Divorce Month. The time of year when hands unclench, and fingers reach for the phone to dial a family law attorney. I get it. I don’t believe miserable and marriage should ever be used in the same sentence. But divorce may not be the cure-all for what ail...

  Science is learning what a lot of coaches and therapists already know—the key to a good life is having great relationships. It is the quality of your closest relationships that really matter. Unfortunately, too many people settle for mediocre relationships or, worse, ones that are actually harmful. But best-selling author, speaker, workshop leader, and performer James Mapes ( https://www.jamesma...

Maybe not all recognize the reference to the phrase about a king, but it’s an appropriate paraphrasing for masculinity. Masculinity as a concept is not, nor should it be, dead. The rigidity that masculinity is often constrained by is, mercifully, being re-evaluated. This has ramifications for everyone as it is allowing men to embrace their complete selves—emotions and all. Writer, speaker, and sel...

Do you feel like you and your partner are ships that pass in the night? Do spend all your time and energy on everything other than your relationship? Do you only talk to each other about logistics or items on the to-do list? If so, then Kristen Manieri ( https://www.gottman.com/author/kristen-manieri/) , writer, podcast host, and creator of DateNightGuide.com, has the secret to getting your relati...

Not so long ago, the measure of a man was how well he provided for his family. He didn’t need to be all touchy, feely. In fact, if he was, he lost manhood points. In the wake of the women’s movement and, more immediately, #MeToo, masculinity and what makes a real man is under intense scrutiny. Men have been hiding huge parts of themselves for generations. Now, they are being asked to integrate the...

Cicero had it right when he said, “Silence is one of the great arts of conversation.” This is because silence is sometimes golden. But at other times, staying quiet ends in resentment and distance. So how do you know when it’s better to speak up or hold your tongue? Dr. Aaron Ben-Ze’ev, ( https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/experts/aaron-ben-ze-v-phd) Professor of Philosophy and former President of...

What’s your gut reaction when someone mentions counseling, specifically couples counseling? Is it, I’m not crazy? Things aren’t that bad? Tried it, or a friend tried it—didn’t work? The truth is that a majority of divorces could be avoided if couples sought help earlier rather than as a last resort. Maybe one of you made this suggestion, only to be rebuffed by your partner. Maybe you bought in to...

The official holiday has begun. Black Friday and Cyber Monday arrived with all the fanfare the retail world can muster. It’s also the time of year that guilt and/or comparisons kick in and budgets go out the window. And often along with it all—increased stress on many marriages. If money was just about the amount of dollar and cents in the bank, I don’t think it would be one of the two biggest iss...

  The concept of marrying for love is a relatively new one. And, while the idea of finding this connection with one specific person has been the stuff of love songs and romantic stories through the ages, the search for the soulmate has moved front and center. Does this magical person exist? Yes, and no. Kara Post-Kennedy ( https://goodmenproject.com/author/kara-post-kennedy) , editor and columnist...