Hangin' Out with the Old Fellas

Eurovision! They'll let anyone in - Israel! Australia! Kazakhstan! Meryl Streep! This is your behind the screens lowdown on all your high-end Euro-skuttlebutt! What happens under the sequins - shall be exposed! Nothing left to the imagination. No wonder we're falling in love again!

Despite what the papers say ... Don't panic! Oh ok - just a bit. But if in the middle of the panic, you happen to win Powerball, remember it's often more trouble than it's worth. And as Frente always said - keep ya shoes on! Ummm - I think it was Frente ...

Fisticuffs in the Middle East?!!! A bit of Attrick diplomacy will fix it. Trouble with the wowsers at the bowsers? Send in the schnauzers! Abracadabra! Everything wrong is right again!

Ok Spiders - what did Episode 84 ever do to you? Well, whatever it was, the copyright crawlers didn't like it one byte! So, we remixed it, in a vain attempt to erase the offending naughtiness. Enjoy this, our second try at getting Ep 84 into your earbuds. Help me, Obi Won Kenobe! You're my only hope!

From one April fool to another - Barry and Jerry are up to their old Attricks. Dead celebrities everywhere - some making a comeback ... and that's no punking. Jerry had a personal emergency. But he made it out - with a bull clip in his back!

2025 - gone! Good thing too ... It was becoming a very ugly habit. And New Years are all about renouncing bad habits. To make way for even worse ones. Well, if you're short of a few nasty habits for the new year, look no further than the Attrick Empire. For example: Jerry's channeling the Skyliners, Don McLean and Art Garfunkel - all in one hit! You'll never get nastier than that!

We're putting some old bits of old fellas under the microscope. Pants down. Magnification up. Washed, pressed, folded and top drawer. The bits the judges liked until Barry fell off the catwalk. You know - that split second when you wobble on your high heels and you can't decide whether to attempt a spectacular recovery or just go with the plummet. Old bitz of Old Fellas - you just can'...

Hey! Remember those early episodes? Yeah - neither do we. But librarian went up into the attic and found these loose bits inside some old Lego boxes. Nurse Bukesham rescued a few used band aids out of the sick bay waste basket and stuck it all together. Headphones on. Earbuds in. Pants optional.

It's not pretty. It's not cuddly. It's not particularly photogenic. But enough about Jerry's mole. These are the off-cutz. From a year that produced its fair share, we can now reveal the bitz that didn't make it. The McMerkin Sisters retrieved random tapes from the waste paper, untangled them, tumbled them in the dryer, got the cat to eat and then extrude them, then they stuck...

Another solar sojourn done. And guess what! We're back where we started. Wishing you a Jerry Barry Christmas. May your mistletoe bare fruit and multiply. May your Yuletide Pine be Spindly. And may 20-26 be full of Attricks. Yes - holiday idiots everywhere.

We just knew this was going to happen! Sometimes it doesn't pay to be right. Just as well we don't do this for pay! Only a pair of old fellas could bring Putin, Zelensky, Nicola Olyslagers and Molly Picklum to the round table. Then next thing - bloody Waverley Council wanna get in on the action! In the end, Jerry gets on his trust stead and saunters off glittering like a cloudless night .....

The Louvre break-in! So many questions! Why do Australian reporters pronounce it LOO-ver? Did Candace and Brigitte kiss and make up? Who let the dogs out? In the end, Jerry squanders his resistance for a pocketful of pugilism. I guess it's better than contracting mange ...

Time to have the hard conversation: Are tomatoes a fruit or a vegetable? Is human DNA 60% banana? Does she really sell sea shells by the sea shore? These and other brain busting Government secrets will remain undercover in Episode 79. But the journey is worth it. Proceed with caution - especially all you Grandmamas and Grandpapas.

Slower than a speeding bullet, less powerful than a locomotive - but she CAN leap tall buildings in a single bound. Our Nicola is the pride of Spindly Pines and surrounds. Even Richard Fosbury is impressed, and he's dead! One person who's not dead: ya bop-girl Grannie! She's been up all night ... baking!!!! Reach for the Alka-Seltzer, hangers!

It's Heroes Ahoy! And racists, apparently. Jerry's hero, Jimmy, is still protesting the Vietnam War, but it just gives him heartburn. Oh, what a tangled Webb ...

Woh!!! Did you hear what happened to the Shenanigans? Yeah, neither did we. But we'll just make it up as we go along. It's all about flying by the seat of your pants - if you're wearing any. Then afterwards, everyone down to the Rec Room for the Retirement Village Shuffle.

At last! Jerry's sports predicting skills come through. Result? Everyone smells! The PM's having an affair with a panda - just for the bamboo undies. Mattel and Barbie go all inclusive and non-inclusive all at the same time. The Prince of Darkness sees the tunnel of light. And! What's the thing with hospitals?! They're as dangerous as a night naked in the Vietnam jungle!

Yes - you've waited long enough ... At last! International Sushi Day! The planets align! And to celebrate, Jerry and Barry clean up Nudify, Paul McCartney and Marge Simpson. Now THAT, hangers and danglers, is the work of a pair of righteous brothers!

Yes - the boys tackle the big subjects. International missile exchange, armistice negotiations and the importance of underarm! Conclusion: nice day to start again. (In case you're wondering ...)

It's definitely been a long and hard one - but after 97 coffees and just as many toilet breaks, we've got this one finished off ...With a little "Help!" from our heroes - alive, dead and rumoured O.P.D. Barefoot while crossing the road and backs to the camera, please!

Yes Attrick lovers! The Mighty Albo storms Election Beach, then takes the headland! And that's not the only election for Lillian, Mavis and Gertrude to admire. Analovski's got a bit of post-election constipation - too much standing in line ... So, Jerry dishes up a coupla helpings of cranberries. Does the trick every time. Matron!!! Air freshener to the East Wing!

Would the last person to escape Easter '25 please turn out the lights! Yes viewers, it's death all around for the long weekend. Batman last week, the Pope this week! Looks like it doesn't pay to wear a silly cape! Will the Church pass on the profits? I bet you they don't!

Yes - it's Vale Val Kilmer. But he got 25 years he shouldn't have, so it's all good. Barry discovers Nurse Bukesham is a mutant. No hand-modelling contract for her. But on the bright side, with dexterity like that, it's so easy to fall in love.

The redactions have been unredacted. The documents have been documented. And what goes on in the back seat should stay in the back seat ... If ONLY! To be honest, having the radio on was very distracting. So were the windscreen wipers. Bloody weather. At least we'll always have Elon ...

Ep 67 - Mozart's Birthday and Other Trauma After 269 years, it's time to reset. So the Attricks reach into the soap opera kitbag and pull out a classic reset narrative. But Jerry's not taking it lying down. In ya dreams! I mean, seriously! Ella Fitzgerald, Johnny Mathis and Ray Stevens will be rolling in their graves!