Handing the Shame Back

Every wonder why you struggle with certain areas in your life? This could be anything: Confidence, speaking up, relationships, even food. I liken it to a puzzle with missing pieces, because underlying those struggles will be a connection between them and your childhood abuse. Have a listen, you may just solve your own puzzle. Go to our website (see below) for more information on our foundation  Do...

Meet Heidi Olson  Forensic nurse. Business owner. Coffee lover and outdoor enthusiast. She was first abused at 2 years of age, and experienced several instances over the years with different abusers. She looks at the link between early child abuse and the risky behaviour she engaged in as a young adult, when she felt broken, and in self destruct mode. You can reach out to Heidi at www.paradigmshif...

Purity If you are a survivor who emerged from a strict religious sect or background, you are not alone. The conditioning around purity, virginity and innocence was intense. The message was clear, purity was everything, anything else was dirty, sinful and evil. As a survivor of abuse, please know your  heart and soul was pure, has been pure and is still pure. You were innocent. The rest is just noi...

Meet Heidi Olson  Forensic nurse. Business owner. Coffee lover and outdoor enthusiast. Heidi did not feel seen growing up.  She was first abused at 2 years of age, and experienced several instances over the years with different abusers. She believes this (in part), occurred because of the ongoing and unresolved intergenerational trauma her parents experienced.  You can reach out to Heidi at www.pa...

Self Esteem When you know your survivor is not feeling good through the way they are behaving or the words they are using, through not validating themselves or putting themselves down, please counteract this, as this gives them an opportunity to make the link between their behaviour and the childhood  relationships they had, where they were not valued.  Go to our website (see below) for more infor...

Meet Allen Goodall He is a Survivor, training to be a peer support worker and runs mens support groups. He experienced sexual abuse beginning at age of 3. He eventually recognised that the fear of public speaking/panic attacks was linked to the abuse as in he was threatened to keep silent in many ways. He now speaks out!   You can reach out to Allen at allgoodie011@outlook.com HELP NZ    Sexual Ha...

Connecting the Dots Making sense of behaviour we use as adults that we know doesn't serve us is hard, but there will be a connection to the past in there.  We can often unknowingly replicate our childhood conditioning. The tip is look at the behaviour now that doesn't serve or work for you: Using a therapist, track it back to your childhood. I promise you there will be a connection. Go t...

Meet Allen Goodall He is a Survivor, training to be a peer support worker and runs mens support groups. He experienced sexual abuse from the age of 3 and was threatened about ever speaking out. He now does so fully and freely due to the want and desire to end the demons, and to give other men some hope.  You can reach out to Allen at allgoodie011@outlook.com HELP NZ    Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 0...

Your memories emerging when your child turn the same age you were when the abuse began is much more common than you may imagine. It is also frightening. Triggers are released and it can feel the nightmare is happening all over again. This is even more so when your child is the same gender you are.  There is a way through this, have a listen to how it is possible. Go to our website (see below) for...

Meet Justine Dean Coach, Mentor, Confidante From the age of 3, Justine experienced many abusers throughout her childhood and teenage years. Her mother seemed unable to support her through this. When Justine was 5 years old and being molested by her 12 year old male neighbour, her mother screamed at her; 'What did you do?' Don't miss this profound interview. You can reach out to Just...

What about me? If you are the child of a narcissistic parent, it would have been almost impossible to be given any space, comfort or protection. There was no room for you as this child. You had to take on another role to have a connection with them.  Listen to the full clip to understand where to from here. Go to our website for more information on resources available, and if you are looking for c...

Meet Justine Dean Coach, Mentor, Confidante Justine experienced many abusers throughout her childhood and adolesence.  You can reach out to Justine at Justinedean.com HELP NZ    Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz.           Help Auckland  0800 623 1700. Male Survivors Aotearoa, Freephone: 0800 044 334 USA  RAINN https://www.rainn.org/ Largest US support for adul...

Healthy Bonds Your survivor having healthy and transparent relationships is of course, optimum. When this is not so, you will see their behaviour change in order to be accepted. This is a form of toxic bonding: arising from the abuse, and their needs not being met as children.  (All you need to do is gently point it out, and let them know you have their back) Go to our website (see below) for more...

Meet John Cardamone He is a  Survivor, Educator, and Speaker from Victoria in Melbourne. When he was between 6-7 years old he was abused by a family member.  When his son became that age, John became really anxious and concerned about his safety and eventually recognised he was being triggered by his own history of abuse. You can reach John on:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-cardamone-86632738/...

Triggered by children This is very common for parents who are survivors. When our children (of the same sex as us) turn the age we were when the abuse began, the amount of triggering this results in is almost indescribable. Memories start to flood in and become overwhelming. This is vindication and validation of what you went through.  Try to protect the part of you that has emerged with the recal...

Meet John Cardamone He is a  Survivor, Educator, and Speaker from Victoria in Melbourne. When he was between 6-7 years old he was abused by a family member.  When he told his mother, she believed him instantly and from that point on, he was kept safe.  Looking back he sees, that his parents were groomed as well You can reach John on:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-cardamone-86632738/ https://ww...

Survivors The real you was unable to withstand the abuse, so the false self stepped up to help, and is what you used to to cope with the trauma. Through your recovery, you will find that one of the biggest challenges is in both finding  and reclaiming you. Although it sounds really scary, once done the power behind it will embolden you. Go to our website (see below) for more information on our fou...

Welcome to Part 2 of Jeanie Dean's interview. She is an Expert Witness | Safeguarding Safety Risk Expert | Trauma Informed Investigator and specialist interviewer and Trainer | Managing Director at Safeguarding Solutions Australia. The impact of her abuse began a healing journey leading into researching why sex offenders do what they do. This became her purpose in life. You can reach Jeanie o...

The real me How we had to adapt to survive our child sexual abuse and who we became as a result is not necessarily who we 'really' are. Perhaps still lurking within is that 'false' self.  You may recognise that, in those situations that are especially challenging, where you default back to that small child and agree or give way.  There is hope to change this. Go to our website...

From Melbourne Australia, a warm welcome to Jeanie Dean, who is an Expert Witness | Safeguarding Safety Risk Expert | Trauma Informed Investigator and specialist interviewer and Trainer | Managing Director at Safeguarding Solutions Australia.  She grew up in a family of violence, and was sexually abused at the age of 15 by someone known to the family. What helped her recovery was: Time, Therapy -...

Encouragement Your survivor may feel weary and down at times about their history of child sexual abuse. Though expected and normal, they may need some encouragement at times. An effective way is to come up with 3 things that would help lift and shift their mood thereby giving them something else to focus on. Go to our website (see below) for more information on resources available, and if you are...

Luke Wiersma Meet this brave Survivor who runs Leaderboard Meetings for Survivors of child sexual abuse. Luke was abused by an older woman as a teenager, and used drugs and alcohol as a way to cope. Eventually he got fed up with drinking and passing out everyday, so began using advocacy as a way to out of the vicious cycle. You can contact Luke through email on wiersmaluke33@gmail.com.   HELP NZ ...

Self Advocacy Is one way of having your own back and looking after you The three components to this are: to understand what your needs are,  to know what might help to support to those needs. and lastly to be able to communicate those needs. Go to our website (see below) for more information on resources available, and if you are looking for coaching whether survivor or supporter. https://www.hand...

Luke Wiersma Meet this brave Survivor who runs Leaderboard Meetings for Survivors of child sexual abuse. Luke was abused by an older woman when he was a teenager, he was manipulated and controlled and began using drugs as a way to cope. The abuse continued until he was 18 years of age, at which time she considered him to be too old. You can contact Luke through email on wiersmaluke33@gmail.com.  ...

Survivors As it wasn't safe to use your voice as a child, it can feel very important to you to use it today. Honour that within you, there is a part of you that wants to, No, needs to be heard.  This will always be a subliminal desire whether you know it or not.  This is also a crucial and non negotiable part of the healing process. Go to our website (see below) for more information on our fo...