Handing the Shame Back

  Meet Rebecca Rose Healer. Survivor. Outdoor Enthusiast. She was abused for the first seven years of her life by her godfather, her fathers best friend. He took her to a lot of events where the drug ketamine was used to keep her compliant and also block her memory. She was also sexually abused by both her mother and father, although she believes this happened independently of the other. Rebecca a...

Gloria is joined by Sean Lyons, Chief Online Safety Officer at Netsafe NZ, where he has worked for 20 years and also serves as Netsafe’s functional lead on Child Sexual Abuse online. With experience in both the IT industry and education across the UK and New Zealand, Sean has a keen interest in how technology can be used to perpetrate harm online and how it can better be used to address it. Sean i...

Meet Kathie A. Strong advocate of Survivors. Widow of a survivor. In 2016 Kathie’s husband Kevin told her about his abuse at the hands of a catholic priest when he was 13 years old. Fast track to age 52, when he had a sudden cardiac arrest and his life was brought to an abrupt end. Watch the story unfold as Kathie courageously shares all that led up to his passing, and her incredible advocacy both...

Meet Brianne Williams Survivor. Counsellor. Outdoor recreation enthusiast. Brianne was abused from 2 - 14 years of age. Her abusers were her father and her paternal grandfather. It was an open secret in their family, and was, she felt generational. Brianne did really well at school and was a high achiever, but as she states, all it did was mask the reality of the trauma she was experiencing. If yo...

Every year, we come together on Global Awareness Day to raise awareness of child sexual abuse, share ways to prevent it, and honour adult survivors, including those who didn’t make it. This is a global silent epidemic. It's up to all of us, as a community, to shift the silence. Wherever you are in the world, we invite you to take part in three simple but powerful ways: ❤️ Join us for a 30-min...

Meet John SRA Survivor. Spiritual War Fighter. Philosopher. John suppressed his childhood sexual abuse for 24 years. He is now 6 years into his healing, and currently works with police on exposing one of the facilities he was abused at. His perpetrators were mainly his parents and extended family, and continued until he was 12 years old. For more information, resources, or coaching — whether you a...

  Meet Shereen Simmonds Advocate. Founder of Phoenix Five Shereen grew up in a family where attention was not directed her way. Her uncle provided that through grooming her with gifts and allowing her to spend time with his dogs. From age 7 to 14 years old he sexually abused her. When the case went to court, her mother spoke in defence of her uncle, suffice it to say she does not consider her a mo...

Meet Rob Balfour Survivor. Just Me. Activist At the age of 4, Rob was found wandering around the streets and said he would rather die than ‘go home’. Both parents had mental health issues, with his mother having violent episodes. This was the beginning of his trauma, as Rob was abused by several different people over the years, the first beginning when he was 6 years old. His advice? Recover yours...

  Meet Caroline Hunt Advocate. Survivor. Author She was brought up in a strict Mormon home in a large Samoan family, where her parents were devout followers, and worked very hard. She was abused by her uncle from 4 - 8 years of age, whenever the family went back to visit them. He was seen as a trusted member of the family. He tried to rape her again when she was 15, but she was able to fight him o...

Meet Dave Lukins Survivor. Father of twins. Dave first experienced abuse at the age of 7 in the toilets at school. Then again at 11 - 13 from a sports coach. He got so used to it happening, he expected it. He believes other boys were abused by the coach as well. When his son turned 7, the triggers began appearing, and the healing once it began, was to change his whole life. For more information, r...

We Survivors are allowed to have off days. Healing isn’t linear, and some days will feel heavier than others. It’s okay to rest, to feel, and to take time for yourself without guilt. Every step, even the quiet or difficult ones, is part of your journey, and taking a pause doesn’t erase your strength, it honours it. ► Visit our website for more information on our foundation: http://handingtheshameb...

  Meet Staci Reay Survivor. Advocate Staci was abused between 3-17 years of age by her father, who she later discovered was NOT her biological father. Her brothers were also abused by this man. Her twin brother became an alcoholic and died at age of 40. Staci herself, attempted suicide twice as a teenager, trying to escape the ongoing trauma of the abuse. Inspirational and brave, Staci’s story is...

It’s Christmas. Getting through Christmas, can be an overwhelming ask for us as survivors. While many people experience joy and celebration during this time, we can feel the opposite through difficult emotions, painful memories, and feelings of isolation surfacing. Here’s some ideas that may just help. From all of us here at Handing the Shame Back We see you We stand beside you We believe you For...

Meet Alyssa Milligan Advocate for School Student Survivors. Article Writer. High School Student. Alyssa is an incredible 16-year-old advocate who is wanting to help other students. She was abused when she was 13 years old by a family friend. He was caught by his wife who began calling her names and denigrating her. Her parents believed her, but it was her Church youth leader who went to the police...

It's that time of year again and we have an exciting panel discussion lined up for you. Meet Ali Mau, Survivor, recent Author and Co-founder of Tika charity. Please welcome Dean Clarkson, Survivor and Founder of the charity Wana, the first male refuge in New Zealand. Together and combined with our own very special Gloria Masters, they will be providing ideas and support to help survivors navi...

  Meet John Comerford Survivor. Mental Health Ambassador. Author John was abused in a catholic school beginning when he was 11 years old. His abuser was a catholic brother who was later found to have been moved by the church from Melbourne to Sydney because of his sexual abuse of boys in his care. The damage he did spanned 3 decades and involved over 100 boys. John has some powerful insights and i...

When is the right time to disclose what happened to you as a child? There is no one answer to this. Disclosing childhood sexual abuse is deeply personal, and the “right time” should not be determined by a calendar or someone else's expectations. It should defined by you; your readiness, your safety, and your sense of emotional strength in that moment. ► Visit our website for more information...

Every month we provide answers to YOUR questions. Yes we do read them, so please reach out to contactus@handingtheshameback.org , we want to help you! If you have a burning question, we may have an answer. Each month we provide a Q&A forum for you to help educate and inform. This month’s Q&A has a range of questions including: As a step parent, how do I have age appropriate conversations a...

Meet Dean Clarkson Survivor. Trail Blazer. Founder. Father. Dean was 6 years old when he was first abused by an older boy who isolated him while playing a game. He never saw him again after that, but his coping mechanism became one of self harming. He was then abused from the age of 9 - 11 by a much older girl. His life as an adult, then became one of a victim as his wife physically abused him for...

  It is beyond important for everyone to get enough sleep. For survivors it is essential. Sleep is where the mind can relax, unwind and rest. We keep our minds busy with unresolved trauma and anxiety, so a good 8 hours of sleep is essential for healing and recovery. ► Visit our website for more information on our foundation: http://handingtheshameback.org ► Donate please, this helps us keep going:...

  Tracy Lee Author. Activist. Lived experience CSA victim. Tracy was the eldest of 4 children and the only girl. Her mother was 17 years old when she had her. She was abused by her father from the age of 4. She was abused by a celebrity at age 9, by a boy at age 12 and then by a man under a bridge at age 15. Her childhood was traumatic and difficult. Don’t miss her story here. For more information...

  I believe that overthinking is connected to hypervigilance and is part of a post trauma response. For many survivors, overthinking became second nature, as you had no control over what was happening to you, and you began to think about, plan and replay events endlessly in your head. Simply because your survival depended on it. Question: Does it still serve you in your life as an adult? If not, k...

Keith Williams Survivor Keith was 7 years old when the abuse began by an older brother, this went on till he was 12 years of age, at which point Keith believes he aged out. The coercive control and manipulation was powerful and ensured Keith never spoke out. He finally found his voice during Covid in 2021. HELP NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz. Help Aucklan...

Please reach out to contactus@handingtheshameback.org , we want to help you! If you have questions, we may have some answers, each month we provide a Q&A forum for you to help educate and inform. This month’s Q&A has a range of questions including: How do I help my kids identify who a ‘safe adult’ is? For this and more, have a watch of this short educational video, and learn something you...

Do you ever find yourself overthinking and wondering why you do it? This can stem from anxiety, fear, and even feelings of not being seen, heard or understood. This was because during the time the abuse occurred, you had no way of overcoming what was happening to you. Instead of having healthy adaptive techniques you developed unhealthy maladaptive techniques. This led to becoming emotionally disr...