Handing the Shame Back

Having survived this trauma, understand that your body went into the 4 trauma responses, fight, flight, freeze of fawn. Reason: You had a lot of adrenaline cursing through you as you were in survival mode. This affected your central nervous system including mentally, emotionally and physiologically. Now as an adult that is safe, you will became drained when dealing with it, there will feel a natur...

Handing the Shame Back is proud to return for the third year in a row with our GLOBAL AWARENESS DAY (16 June). This day is dedicated to raising awareness of child sexual abuse, honouring adult survivors — including those who didn’t make it, and most importantly, shifting the silence. WHEREVER YOU ARE in the world, we invite you to join us for a 30-minute walk at 10am local time. If 16 June falls o...

Reg Johnston Survivor. Trauma Informed AOD Clinician. Survivor Advocate Reg was abused by his sister 13 years older than him, who groomed him at the age of 12 mainly through the use of pornography. His home life consisted of confused boundaries, with secrets and lies always a feature. He wants people to know that drugs and alcohol don’t define you, in most cases they are just symptoms of the abuse...

The known facts about being triggered are these: We don't know when they're going to occur, or how they will occur. What this means is that we cannot prepare for that which we cannot know. These triggers can appear through anything that involves one or any of the five senses; sight, smell, sound, taste, or touch: triggering a memory or experience of the abuse we suffered. There is nothin...

  Q&A Session Join us on this Q&A Session where Gloria answers questions posed by you, the Survivors. Ranging from how to manage a family who still believe the predator, to is it even possible to go on to have a loving and healthy relationship as an adult. The range of questions is moving, and Gloria, as always provides calm and measured responses that helps restore grace and acceptance to...

  Meet Diane Payne Survivor Diane was sexually abused by her brother-in-law from age 12 to 16. He was 24 when it started. She told no one for 40 years. Fast forward 4 years, & last year he finally got convicted in NZ. He got home detention for 8 months, due to a plea deal & the laws in the 1980's, when the abuse occurred. Don’t miss her story here. You can reach out to Diane here: Ins...

  Feelings of shame and guilt are common to Survivors. This is especially true if we had siblings we felt we couldn't protect, or that we had to lie to protect the abuser which hurt our siblings even more. There is a process over time of healing, which requires great self compassion and tenderness. Don’t rush it and please give yourself some grace. The blame and shame never belonged to you. W...

  Meet Sue Philip Survivor Sue was abused from preschool age by her father. She blocked the memories out for many years until she was in her 40’s.. Her parents were part of the mormon church, and it was not until she left the church as an adult, that she was able to remember the details of what her father had done to her and her siblings. HELP NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, su...

  Many people consider that mind games are something that are done to us and that we are being manipulated by others. No one ever considers the bigger truth: that we play mind games with ourselves, more than with any other person, and we do it in a multitude of ways: like testing ourselves, overthinking, questioning ourselves and through sabotaging ourselves! The point being we are constantly unde...

  On behalf of Handing the Shame Back, I had the privilege of presenting to the Parliamentary Select Committee on Child Sex Trafficking within NZ, (we are wanting increased penalties added to the slavery offences amendment bill). Although the experience was daunting, the submission was well received. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/GwndoRE3kRI Video source: New Zealand Parliament We are on...

  Meet Hanz Freller Survivor Advocate. Dad. Author He was abused in care by a St John of God Brother. The abuse was to span several years and was calculated and manipulative in the grooming of him throughout those vulnerable teenage years. You can reach out to Hanz here: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hanz.freller Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hanzfreller HELP NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0...

  First Q&A Session Join us on this, our very first Q&A Session where Gloria answers questions posed by you, ‘yes you’, the Survivors. Ranging from what to look for in kids who are being trafficked to coping with seeing your child experience the worst trauma possible, Gloria provides calm and measured responses that help soothe and restore equilibrium to these difficult experiences. For mo...

  Today marks the start of something powerful — 2,700 books are being unboxed, packaged, and prepared for delivery to schools across New Zealand. Every book sent is a step toward a safer future. If you’d like to help us get them into schools, please consider donating: https://donate.stripe.com/aEU4iIfR1b8Pdpu7ss (Reference: ‘Book Distribution’). At Handing the Shame Back, we don’t see this as just...

  Sometimes as survivors we can feel guilty, frozen or just plain wrong about having sex. As adults this has impact beyond what we can imagine. Have a look at this video as it just may help free you up from anything holding you back from enjoying intimacy with a loved one. Watch the full clip here: https://youtu.be/j-hwv9GTetA For more information, resources, or coaching — whether you are a surviv...

  Today is the day! We are beyond excited to have received the books, "Keeping Kids Safe", which will be distributed to schools across New Zealand. We are still accepting donations to cover book distribution costs. If you’re able to help, please use this direct link: https://donate.stripe.com/aEU4iIfR1b8Pdpu7ss and include the reference "Book Distribution". Our goal is simple b...

Meet Susan Gold Survivor, Author and Transformationalist. She was the middle child born in a family where generational abuse was undealt with and therefore continued. She was abused by her brother between 7 to 10 years of age with some flashbacks of both her father and grandfather being abusers as well. She believes that finding kindness for yourself from within is a key part of the healing journe...

We have now raised $2,500. If you are able to help, please use this direct link: https://donate.stripe.com/aEU4iIfR1b8Pdpu7ss and include the reference 'Book Distribution' to ensure the funds are allocated to processing and postage. Every $10 means one school receives a copy of the book! Thank you. You may just save some kids! We are on all social media platforms: Facebook: https://www.f...

It is entirely natural for you as a survivor of child sexual abuse to struggle with sex as an adult. some survivors have a constant battle with this, preferring to be celibate in the end. For others guilt, fear and dissociation can occur. Wherever you are at is entirely normal, and can be worked with if it is of concern. Don’t miss this podcast. We are on all social media platforms: Facebook: http...

As children, we were always dependent on the adults around us to meet our needs. This is common and expected, as we were unable to feed or clothe ourselves. However, guilt does feature because we had to accommodate the adults around us, even when we felt scared and uncomfortable. For more information, resources, or coaching — whether you are a survivor or a supporter, visit: handingtheshameback.or...

Meet Steven Shelton Survivor and Author Was abused by many males beginning when he was just 4 years old. His mother walked in on the abuse, saw it, and walked back out again. This was the beginning of Steven’s nightmare, culminating in him developing Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID. He firmly believes that passage of time, a loving spouse, and talking about it, have helped him recover from t...

We are thrilled to provide answers to any questions you may have — let's interact! We want to provide information you need, in order to do that, please email us at contactus@handingtheshameback.org and put ‘Question’ in the subject line, followed by your main question in the body of the email. Let's customise our content to work with your objectives as closely as possible. We are always...

Meet Elizabeth Melendez Author. Advocate. CEO/Founder of the Foundation United Org. She was sexually abused by a family friend at age 11, though saw that physical, emotional and sexual abuse was happening throughout her family from a very young age, she feels this was ‘generational’ rather than ‘intentional abuse’. To reach Elizabeth: https://www.thefoundationunited.com/ , or on Instagram: @‌thefo...

Don't make any new year resolutions, instead reflect on what you have achieved over the last 12 months and honour that. You may consider growing that skillset further or adding to it, but at this time of year, recovering from Xmas and the holiday season is challenging enough. Don’t pressure yourself by making impossible goals that are unlikely to be achieved. We are on all social media platfo...

We are bringing you this update due to the generous and much appreciated response to our video asking for help to get the book ‘Keeping Kids Safe - A Roadmap for Parents, Teachers & Others’ into schools. We have the funding to provide the books, just not to post them! So far we have raised over $700, which is an amazing 70 schools. Remember that $10 ensures a book gets into a school of your ch...

We are seeking sponsors so we can distribute the book 'Keeping Kids Safe' to every school in NZ. We have the books funded, just not the distribution costs. If you are able to help, simply visit http://gloriamasters.com , click the 'Donate' button, or use this direct link: https://buy.stripe.com/8wMg0Y1OqdTc1vG4gh . Please include reference 'Book Distribution' to ensur...