Halal Cartels

We now have a Patreon : Join for access to the Discord Gabe and Sameer have invite their first 3rd mic guest Simeon Goodson to break down life in Abu Dhabi, having a personal tailor, eating swine in the club, international DUIs, all while transforming the comedy scene in Abu Dhabi.  We discuss life in China during the pandemic, Las Vegas, and our collaboration on the underground indie mockume...

It's an "away game" episode with our comrade in arms on the West Coast Steve Hernandez chopping it up with Gabe Pacheco.  We discuss the Bible, Dads, Therapy, Open Marriages, Sobriety, the Comedy Scene in LA, Oscar Zeta Acosta and the Revolt of the Cockroach People, and more. follow Steve at IG  @hernia IG: @gabepac1   twitter:  @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon  twitter: @sameermon Contact: Halalcarte...

Gourmet Cannibalism, Tajin Seasoning on the Bodies, Bug Out Bags, Survival Kits, Street Medic Training, Learn How to Massage, Yellowjackets, James Bond in No Time to Die, How to Track People using Aluminum Foil, Bear Mace, Alpha: Eddie Gallagher and the War for the Soul of the Navy Seals, Whistleblower Daniel Hale, and Remember Prince Andrew was Living La Vida Loca on Little St. James Island! IG: ...

Special guest Sonal Aggarwal joins Gabe Pacheco for this episode of Halal Cartels. Sameer Naseem with be back next week.  We discuss Bollywood, the Chicago Comedy Scene, Being a Good Guest, Be a Good Host, Puddles in the Bathroom, Travels to Chile, Speaking Spanish, Growing Up Indian in the Midwest, Doing Accents, Fights at Open Mics and More Sonal IG @sonalmedia IG: @gabepac1   twitter:  @gabe_pa...

Breast Milk Immunity, Humans are taking one for the Animal Kingdom but taking all the Bullshit Jobs, Bringing back the Wet Nurses, The Americans, Ethnic Cuisine as soft power influence, unsustainable growth as we spread the dream US-style development abroad, 90 Day Fiance in the Amazon, Gigli's grassroots marketing campaign, the cops tasered a man and he spontaneously combusted, the schools are st...

New York’s New Clown Mayor, NFT’s, Montessori School Sociopaths, Terrorizing Timeshare Salesmen, The Democrats are at war with the Teachers in the Pandemic IG:  @gabepac1   twitter:   @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon  twitter: @sameermon Contact: Halalcartels@gmail.com Twitter @halalcartels MUSIC by SAREEN  IG:  @Sareenpatel @brownprivilege Art by @elizabitcrusher

Last Episode of the Year! Thanks for listening IG:  @gabepac1   twitter:   @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon  twitter: @sameermon Contact: Halalcartels@gmail.com Twitter @halalcartels MUSIC by SAREEN  IG:  @Sareenpatel @brownprivilege Art by @elizabitcrusher

Sameer had twins, FBI wire-tapping Muslim teenagers, celebrity nannies, Nancy Reagan is the throat goat, Crazy Horse milk-kinship, The US Navy is Pearl Harboring Oahu with jet fuel in the water supply, the dangerous history of drinking cow's milk, modern day slavery in Georgia and more! IG:  @gabepac1   twitter:   @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon  twitter:...

Sameer is about to become a dad. This episode is recorded hours before the delivery. We talk about disappearing twins, womb wars, and being the alpha in the nursery. We also talk about community policing, how the suburbs are financially parasitic appendages of the cities, Yellow Jackets, and the Opium Wars in China. IG:  @gabepac1   twitter:   @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon &nbsp...

Why won't Kratom sponsor us? The CIA hates literate peasants. Who armed Iran and Iraq during their war? Recent Nicaragua history. Should kids be professional actors? Sameer is still having twins. IG:  @gabepac1   twitter:   @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon  twitter: @sameermon Contact: Halalcartels@gmail.com Twitter @halalcartels MUSIC by SAREEN  IG:  @Sareenpatel @b...

McLobster Rolls vs McRibs, Boston America’s crown jewel, Chinatown Gambling culture. Go analogue with your media. The downside of streaming. Travis Scott Death Cult, Narcos is back in Netflix, DEA are the worst. El Chapo and Sean Penn, All's fair in the Drug War, Private satellite traffic jams, Somalians space pirates, Universal V*xzeeen Passports IG:  @gabepac1   twitter:   @g...

Regular-ass flu in the time of Covid The Last Ship on Hulu Means testing is the road to fascism The History of Penis Envy Magic Mushrooms Confessions of an elementary school flasher Scientology temple time Sameer's alien update IG:  @gabepac1   twitter:   @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon  twitter: @sameermon Contact: Halalcartels@gmail.com Twitter @halalcartels MUSIC by SAREEN...

White Chicago vs Brown Chicago Gabe’s adventures in the Windy City, checking out art, and going to Desi drag shows and doing shows at the Lincoln Lodge Help Kidnapped Missionaries in Haiti get to heaven Colin Powell is Dead Planned Obsolescence Halloween is Haram

Sameer and Gabe discuss early Youtube, tag jacking, thirst trapping, the toxic effects of social media on the psyche of comedians, the East Village comedy scene of the early aughts, first gigs, sexual harassment training, and Mt. Rushmore. IG:  @gabepac1   twitter:   @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon  twitter: @sameermon Contact: Halalcartels@gmail.com Twitter @halalcartels MUS...

Medellin steaks and motorcycles Australian Lockdown Crocodile Dundee Silicon Valley is full of the best people! October Spooky season Friday the 13th the novelization Slave ghosts Haunted Houses Crystals are mined by child slaves And ruining the environment Mommy Blogs Jaws is copaganda IG:  @gabepac1   twitter:   @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon  twitter: @sameermon Contact:...

New London junkie tour guides Indian wedding physical trainers Hawaii tourism during the pandemic Jason Bourne Open source avccine recipes Micro climates Invasive species Paniolo Culture History of Cowboys Haitians on the border Tarot Reader and Artist  IG @metamarcy IG:  @gabepac1   twitter:   @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon  twitter: @sameermon Contact: Halalcartels@gm...

A very soggy episode filled with apocalyptic hurricane flooding in New York and New Orleans. We shower praise on beavers because they are the perfect animal. Los Angeles is soaked in spilled oil. We review the New Candyman.  We discuss the history of gore in horror and it's connections to American politics, from Vietnam, to Abu Ghraib, to Ferguson and the BLM movement. Shout outs to Tom Savin...

Sublime was the best band of the 90s Malice in the Palace: a re-examination of Metta World Peace, Dog Whistling Media, and terrible fans McDonald’s Hot Coffee Lawsuits The toxic mantra "customer is always right" Taliban Biometric knock list Smart toilets will track your every movement The Time the FBI wire tapped Sameer's Family IG:  @gabepac1   twitter:   @gabe_pacheco IG: &nb...

The origins of the Mujahideen and the Taliban, the Minor Threat of Islam Sameer’s 23 year old cat Biden is the bravest modern leader we’ve had for admitting defeat Empires crumble like relationships. No such thing as a clean break up. Don’t expect closure Hoping for a mellower Post-Punk Taliban this time around We also discuss Judas Goats, UFOs AKA UAPs Old Testament Nephilim, apocalyptic com...

La Ley De Mordaza, Puerto Rico’s Gag Law LSD for mental fitness Do you eat your chocolate with cheese? Traveling the world like a CIA agent Mosquito bloodbath on Culebra Puerto Rico True Crime Book Club Edward Bunker’s No Beast So Fierce Jack Black’s You Can’t Win Never Forget the Boomer Democrats waged war on Rock and Roll IG:  @gabepac1   twitter:   @gabe_pacheco IG:  @s...

Celebrities Don’t Bathe, Tough Mudders, Stinky People, Woodstock 99, Rap Rock, Water Wars, Korn and Limp Bizkit are Boybands, Pre-Internet Pop-Culture Treasure Troves, Barefoot people on Penn Station, Free Tibet Concert 98, Paul Bremer and the Occupation of Iraq, Duct Taped Frontier Airlines Passengers, New Jobs for Air Marshals IG:  @gabepac1   twitter:   @gabe_pacheco IG:&nbs...

We discuss the ephemeral nature of empire.  Gabe is still on a Silence of the Lambs kick. Mexico City gets an endorsement as the most Blade Runner City in North America. Sameer auditions with the board of tourism and cultural affairs in India, giving the country a glowing 5 star review and many travel tips. We visit Gorakhpur and Kushinagar, the birthplace of the Buddha. For some reason Marri...

We talk about Covid scares in public schools, parents should be the vanguard, the Heist on Netflix, growing up in a city versus a suburb, unsustainable sprawl, Not Just Bikes youtube channel, Amsterdam, affairs are actually good for the marriage and families, and the Olympics is still happening, contaminating and militarizing a community near you!  The butterfly effect of the 911 attack on th...

Teaching unvaccinated elementary school kids, apologizing on Twitter, unbreakable Comanche and Mapuche Nations, antibiotic resistant Russian pneumonia, Dunning Kruger Effect, Monkey Pox, Toxic Positivity, American Destructive Optimism, Mike Davis' Set the Night on Fire: LA in the Sixties, Gusanos vs the New Left, Alpha 66, Pastel Activism, Libya, Pink Washing, Covid Variants Gabe Pacheco IG: ...

Yoga with Adriene, MMA training, Brazilian Thongs, Black Summer, I Think You Should Leave, David Choe, Planet of the Humans, Greenwashing, Cruise Ships are Ecoterrorism, Haitian Assassins Halal Cartels is hosted by Gabe Pacheco, a Chicano comedian with a background in education Sameer Naseem, an Indian American comedian and marketing maven Two products of the Global South talking trash and centeri...