Habits for Your Happily Ever After: Relationship Communication Advice

What type of date does the Lover inside your relationship need? Remember my framework of Partner, Lover, Friend? I’ve identified 3 roles inside your singular relationship: Partners want to achieve together. Friends assure each other we belong together. Lovers want to explore together. Valentine’s Day is coming up and there is a lot of pressure to have THE PERFECT date, but I want to challenge this...

The Partner role in your relationship asks, “Can I rely on you?” The Lover asks, “Do you make my life exciting?” And the Friend asks, “Do you really know me?” Remember my framework of Partner, Lover, Friend? I’ve identified 3 roles inside your singular relationship: Partners want to achieve together. Friends assure each other we belong together. Lovers want to explore together. Valentine’s Day is...

“What if relationship conflict isn’t about communication SKILLS–but about misunderstood needs?” This is the foundational question Fernie resident and Counselor, Dayna Haig-Conway asked me when I got to be a guest on her podcast–CAMP Conversations: Keys to Resilience –recently. I’m eager to share her conversation with you. Dayna’s approach is to search for “the needs behind the needs,” and I am thr...

What’s the best thing you can do to create momentum with a habit? If you want to form a new habit, psychologists tell us the biggest momentum builder is a positive emotional rush. Joy. Today we talk about the most important part of the habit-building cycle: celebration. You’ll learn why celebrating those tiny changes in the directional vector toward your destination matters so much You’ll hear abo...

How is your negativity bias impacting your relationship, and taking you off course? Today, we’re talking about that little voice we all have that tends to focus on what’s wrong in our relationship instead of what’s right. Last week I shared a favorite quote from Jim Rohn, “Direction determines destination.” We talked about planes that are off course 90% of the time they’re in the air, but still ma...

Do you ever feel frustrated because you’re experiencing the same stumbling blocks you faced last year? And you thought you’d dealt with those…but here you are again. Yuck. I am a life coach. I hear this complaint over and over. We work on something, my client and I. There’s a shift. Life is good. My client feels motivation and freedom, and then, a year later: Bam. They’re back where they started....

What is it like to spend Christmas Day alone? We all hate to be left out. Today, on Christmas Day, I want to talk with you about loneliness. If you are alone today, and lonely, I want you to know I wrote this episode for you. I’ve experienced deep, dark, terrifying loneliness AND I found a bridge to turn that loneliness into an abiding joy. I’m going to tell you about how one of my clients found t...

We want to belong. We want to belong with all our friends and our community. Our friends are having a drink, and we wanna belong so we take the drink, even though we know that we’re gonna struggle to wake up in the morning. Or we eat the sugary treat because someone made it for us, but it’s gonna give us a headache an hour later. How can you participate in treats and feel the group celebration wit...

How does your sobriety–or lack thereof–impact your relationship? Emotions are a huge part of relationship. When you’re able to be sober with your emotions, your honesty and vulnerability cultivate trust and connection grows. We turn to addictions when we’re uncomfortable with our emotions. We want to hide from them or numb out. So you eat a quart of ice cream or you down a 6-pack of beer. Your add...

What’s your favorite meal? What was your favorite way to play outside as a kid? What does your favorite memory smell like? These are questions that are part of the culture in my house. When my kids were growing up, I asked about their favorite moment of the day, their favorite interaction with a friend, or their favorite moment to be away from me (this question was born during the teenage years)....

The holidays can be a time of high stress. What if a tiny pause could help you respond thoughtfully instead of reacting to the stress, so you can cultivate connection instead of pushing your partner away? Today, we talk about the power of the pause and why it's so important at this particular time of year. I’ve brought back clips from previous guests to offer you three perspectives on why pausing...

This bonus episode of Habits for Your Happily Ever After is a reminder to find what's funny as you're heading home for the holidays. When you can be the one who brings laughter to the room, you can put the "fun" in dysfunction. You'll hear a segment from my interview with my son , Logan, and how his superpower is being able to laugh no matter how a conflict goes. Listen to this week's episode for...

Your mom slays you in that way that only she can and says, “Oh, I see you’ve julienned the carrots when I asked for slices.” For you, it might not be your mom. But I bet there’s someone in your family of origin who makes you feel … less than. Today, I’ve got a few games for you to play during this holiday season as you visit your family. I have 4 intentions with today’s episode: My hope is that th...

Bodies tell the truth. We may not like the truth they tell, but your body doesn’t lie.  This is why you can’t “find the right words” to say something you don’t truly feel/believe. Your body will be at odds with those “right words” and the person to whom you’re talking will leave the conversation feeling confused. This is one of the primary truths that Kasia Urbaniak , author of Unbound: A Wom...

Notice. Notice without judgement. When you’re able to do that, you get into a meditative state that allows you to shift your behavior, and live a better life. No candles or incense required.  It sounds so simple, right? What’s the big deal with noticing?  Well, lemme tell you: almost all of my clients resist noticing their body. I do too. It takes too much time. Too much energy. But actu...

Reckoning. Where do you compromise for your partner? Where do they compromise for you? Every marriage requires compromise. There comes a point when you realize you and your partner don’t always fit perfectly. You married a separate person, with their own history and agenda. Choosing to stay—despite unmet needs, hurts, and those moments of wondering if things will ever change—can lead to a real, re...

Is there someone in your life that you love dearly and they vote differently from you? And their choice to vote so differently is making it hard for you to be close to them? Love them, even? I had a marriage therapist ask me to do a podcast episode about our nation’s polarization because it is ending marriages. This is my attempt at this difficult topic. I’m going to talk in the episode as if it’s...

What if talking about money could create as much intimacy with your partner as walking hand in hand, or staying out late drinking your favorite beverage staring into each other’s eyes? You want to be able to count on your partner to do their part when it comes to paying not just the bills, but saving for a great vacation or setting aside money so the kids have not just what they need, but also som...

When you find a big enough YES! it's easy to say NO! A big enough YES keeps you tuned into your deepest values. You'll be wired to eliminate frivolous spending and wasted money. Today, we continue our 3-part discussion about money. Last week we talked about your money mindset. As a reminder, It's critical to hear the WHOLE story from your partner when it comes to money. There are 3 skills to help...

What happens when you have a toxic, or even just tenuous, relationship with money? How does that impact the relationship with your partner? Today, we discuss your money mindset, and how conversations about money impact your relationship.  We’ll talk about three crucial money elements that will radically change the way you connect to your partner. We’ll discuss the three hang ups that can sabo...

I believe Dr. Zoe’s 11 questions have such healing power (especially if you’ve read her book and let her story help you untangle your own complex shame) that I wanted to give you an easy space to revisit these questions. Connect with my guest Visit Dr. Zoe Shaw's website here . Read Dr. Zoe Shaw's book, Stronger in the Difficult Places . Listen to the Stronger in the Difficult Places podcast . Con...

Do you ever wonder why, even when your partner treats you tenderly, that you still feel empty? Or invisible? Shame steals the love you are able to feel. Shame steals that love before it’s able to land in your heart, because you feel unworthy. You simply can’t receive love even when it is abundant around you. If you’ve felt this way, I want you to meet psychotherapist and author, Dr. Zoe Shaw . Tod...

I'm popping into your podcast feed to remind you about my new book club. SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER to join. The first book will be Unbound: A Woman's Guide to Power by Kasia Urbaniak. I am so excited to share this book with you and discuss how it applies to relationships.  Join me for the book club on October 13th at: 5 p.m. Pacific 6 p.m. Mountain 7 p.m. Central 8 p.m. Eastern  In orde...

Sexual magnetism and general attractiveness begin with falling in love with yourself. The problem is that many people (and mostly I notice this in women, though not exclusively) find their worthiness in other people’s approval. When you’re chasing anyone else’s approval, you lose touch with your own desires. When you lose touch with your own desires, you slowly become less desirable. Because you’v...

I'm starting a new relationship book club, and I want you to join. Do you want to discuss books about relationship with me, and maybe even end up on the podcast? Take a minute and SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER so you don't miss the invitation to sign up. Fill out this survey and let me know what book you're dying to discuss.