Habits for Your Happily Ever After: Relationship Communication Advice

The Friend in your relationship wants to feel understood. The Friend comes from my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend. These are the three roles I’ve identified in your singular romantic relationship. I’m out of town on vacation, so I’m bringing you an episode from my archives where I talk about The Friend. You’ll hear how The Friend thrives when you and your sweetheart have time to just han...

What kills a fun time faster than anything else? Someone who doesn’t want to be there. Not everyone has fun in the same way. When you understand what’s fun for you, it’s easier to ask your partner if they want to join you in having your kind of fun. Today we’ll talk about 6 types of fun (but there are plenty of others). Fall into Flow Bolt of Joy Contentment Fidgeting Something Messy Something Cle...

What does it look like to build a marriage where kindness becomes second nature? I spend a lot of time helping couples figure out how to make their relationship work. Today, you'll hear a conversation with Jamee and Doug Simons, a couple who have spent nearly 50 years creating the marriage many people hope to build. You’ll hear what it was like for Jamee and Doug to take of a family business and b...

Today, I bring you an interview when I was a guest on the podcast, Stronger in the Difficult Places , with psychotherapist, author, speaker, and media contributor Dr. Zoe Shaw . On her podcast, Stronger in the Difficult Places, her guiding premise is: “We’re not fixing them, we’re fixing you, and that changes everything.” Dr. Shaw has been a guest on this podcast before to discuss the impact of sh...

You hate seeing your partner suffer. So, you jump to solutions. When someone we love is hurting, our instinct is often to fix it. But rarely do any of us want a solution. We need a soothing presence—someone who can sit with the discomfort long enough for the pressure to ease and your words to emerge. Today, I’m joined by Dr. David Marcus . We discuss how you can become a soothing presence in the l...

“Why don’t you ever initiate sex?!” vs cuddling up and kissing your sweetheart’s back. Which do you typically choose? Do you hide your heart in the precise moment you want to be loved? Or are you willing to disclose that super tender underbelly? Today we look at why it’s tempting to hide behind Protective Defensive Maneuvers (PDM’s) because when you start with compassion, change is easier. You’ll...

You and your partner are the authors of your relationship story. But what happens when your childhood triggers begin writing the script? Today, my guests are Michael and Penny Gold from Relationship Alchemy. They share examples of relationship triggers and how to recognize the patterns underneath them They'll invite you to see how you can create a tiny ritual that strengthens intimacy And they hav...

Why is either/or thinking toxic for your relationship? Because it boxes out possibilities. Why is either/or thinking so tempting? Because it simplifies our complicated lives. Today we’re noticing how toxic the unconscious but super seductive question “Either/Or” can be. I’ll take you through 3 reasons your brain loves to default to either/or thinking and how to use 2 words to free your mind from t...

One word can change the character of your relationship. Don’t believe me? I invite you to notice how you say hello to your partner. Does your hello say, “I’m glad to see you!” or is your hello flavored with the taste of goodbye? I am always sending people to episode #8 of my podcast where I tell the story of how hello changed the course of my relationship with my husband. This week, I’m bringing t...

What questions are you asking yourself on a regular basis? Today, I’m inviting you to ask a better question, because if you do, you’ll magically live a better life. We’ll talk about how questions—even those invisible questions you didn’t realize you were asking yourself—are shaping your experience of the world I’ll give you a habit to help you wake yourself up to the questions you didn’t realize y...

You say yes. Your partner hears no. What happened? Today I’m bringing you a snippet from my book, 6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication . You’ll hear why communication can get confusing If you’re married to someone who’s typical answer to your idea is “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I’ll offer you some hope And I’ll explain why negativity is often fear in disguise and how you can fix th...

When anyone new starts coaching with me, they want immediate results. Even if the problem they walk into my door was created over 10 years, they want me to fix it…now. Today. In a 90-minute session. That’s not how rock-solid coaching works and I don’t even really believe that is what you want. You don’t want a flimsy relationship that can be shifted by a fly-by-night coach offering the latest quic...

When anyone new starts coaching with me, they want immediate results. Even if the problem they walk into my door was created over 10 years, they want me to fix it…now. Today. In a 90-minute session. That’s not how rock-solid coaching works and I don’t even really believe that is what you want. You don’t want a flimsy relationship that can be shifted by a fly-by-night coach offering the latest quic...

When anyone new starts coaching with me, they want immediate results. Even if the problem they walk into my door was created over 10 years, they want me to fix it…now. Today. In a 90-minute session. That’s not how rock-solid coaching works and I don’t even really believe that is what you want. You don’t want a flimsy relationship that can be shifted by a fly-by-night coach offering the latest quic...

When anyone new starts coaching with me, they want immediate results. Even if the problem they walk into my door was created over 10 years, they want me to fix it…now. Today. In a 90-minute session. That’s not how rock-solid coaching works and I don’t even really believe that is what you want. You don’t want a flimsy relationship that can be shifted by a fly-by-night coach offering: the latest qui...

Laughter makes everything better with your partner, and my guest, Chris Duffy , has written a book called, "Humor Me: How Laughing More Can Make You Present, Creative, Connected, and Happy." Today, you’ll hear the 3 core pillars Chris outlines: Notice things. Be present. (Look for the odd, wacky, and awkward things: they’re funny.) Laugh at yourself. (My biggest laugh in the book was how a realtor...

Do you ever wish you could take back something you’ve said to your sweetheart? We’ve all done it: the dreaded communication blunder. Today we’re rebooting your communication one yucky phrase at a time. I’ll demonstrate the ick. Then we’ll reword, re-examine, and reboot. Because wouldn’t it be better if your marriage was a long string of conversation pearls you’ll treasure forever rather than a tan...

What happens to your relationship when you or your partner attempt a moonshot? A moonshot—by definition—is a reach. It will ask more of you than feel like you can give. Your moonshot will stretch you, and, just when you think you’re completely laid out flat, your moonshot will...you guessed it...ask for more. This MORE can be stressful. And we know what stress does to your relationship. Today, Lav...

Are you a practical joker? I know you want to laugh with your partner. But there are so many details in life, right? And when life gets that busy, sometimes the laughter falls out. I mean you’re sick, or you’re working until midnight because FINALLY the house is quiet. These living conditions don’t really lend themselves to a good gafaw. How do you FIND laughter when you’re overwhelmed with living...

How is your career impacting your relationship? Think about it this way: when you have a bad day at work, what happens when you get home? It’s easy for your partner to get the worst version of you when you’re unhappy at work, right? What if you lose your job? How might that impact your relationship? What if your partner got such an amazing promotion that it invited you to move to a new city and af...

Does one kiss matter? My short answer is: yes. Because the things we do every day–the mundane things that we hardly notice if at all—these tiny moments make more difference in your relationship than anything else. That is because of the power of compounding. Today we’re talking about my favorite thing: making the invisible visible. I’ll tell you a kissing story that happens in my mud room We’ll ta...

What are you hesitant to forgive? Are there “unforgivable” things in your past? Are you feeling STUCK because you can’t bring yourself to forgive? Today I have a conversation with the author of The Forgive Process , by Dr. Lee Baucom . I love the way Dr. Baucom writes about forgiveness. Do you know why? Because he gives YOU all the agency. He explains why forgiveness is for YOU, not the person who...

Do you like the drama in your relationship? Hollywood trains us to believe that intimacy lives in the heart of conflict. All those Hollywood stories are about some huge obstacle and the music swells when they…finally…come together. But there is no swelling soundtrack that underscores your relationship. And navigating obstacles is hard! And most of us don’t have great skills to navigate those chall...

What do blueberry pancakes and butterflies have to do with your happily ever after? They’re part of divorce mediator Joe Dillon ’s advice for staying married. I’m a relationship coach. It's odd that I would want to introduce you to a divorce mediator, but he has so much great information to share with us about what he sees when it comes to divorces: I found Joe Dillon online and his body of work w...

What kind of Friendship date is good for your relationship? Has life been noisy and busy and you just need some time of shared silence to both reset? What style of date would help you hush the ever-present noise filling your life? Maybe you need a date where you have some dedicated time to understand what your sweetheart is feeling. Remember my framework of Partner, Lover, Friend? I’ve identified...