Grieving Insomniacs, a grief podcast.

The question I most frequently receive from listeners is how do I get signs from Christopher? The answer is a belief that I can and lots of practice. Several paranormal experiences shaped my belief system surrounding supernatural events as a young child. I was an avid reader throughout my life and fantasy has always been a top favorite. I was watching Ghost Adventures, and Ghost Hunters long befor...

It occurred to me this week that it is difficult to watch my son's friends move on with their lives when Christopher's life has ended. Christopher had a core group of friends that have gotten married, had children and moved on with their lives. This activated my grief again realizing that Christopher will never have these experiences. For those non-grievers out there it is critical that you unders...

Thank you, Thank you to everyone that listens to my podcast. I couldn't have done this year without you. There were many times I didn't feel like I was doing any good by recording, but then someone would reach out and say "your podcast helps me." That has always been my goal. I wanted to help people feel like they were not alone in their grief. Coping with grief is easier when a person feels under...

It's the year anniversary of Grieving Insomniacs on Feb 28, 2023. My first episode was published on 2/28/2022. To celebrate I am doing a giveaway of Beats Studio Buds. To enter the giveaway, please like my Instagram page Grieving Insomniacs and answer the question in the podcast. After listening to the podcast and answering the question, please send me a private message on Instagram saying done. I...

This week I had a profoundly spiritual experience with my deceased son. Music has been my go-to for feeling expression when I didn't have the words or when I was in a place where I could not express my feelings. In the podcast, I go into detail about a bad day because a little bit more bearable through music. I have always believed that my son communicates with me through music. As I was listening...

There are elements of grief that we talk about that are considered acceptable such as missing our loved ones, or only memorializing the good memories of our loved ones. Then, the unacceptable parts of grief don't get talked about much. One of those inappropriate topics in grief is anger. My feelings were complicated because I could not accept that I was angry at my son for some of his choices that...

In today's episode, I discuss the differences between Grief, Depression, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. At some point, a grieving mom might want to go to counseling. This podcast provides education and insight into how these three disorders differ from each other but are intertwined making diagnosis difficult. Why is diagnosis important? Diagnosis determines treatment and insurance reimbursem...

In today's episode, we have Trudie, Hannah's mother, discussing her experience with losing a child. Trudie tells her story about how she became a grieving mother and the different ways she copes with her grief. It has always been the goal of Grieving Insomniacs to normalize the conversations surrounding the death of our children. This was an opportunity to begin that conversation between two women...

It's 2023. Everywhere there are posts about new year's resolutions. As I read these posts, memes, and blog posts I began to think about what it means to start a new year for a person, who is grieving. A new year without our loved ones is not a positive thing. We want to hang on to the previous year. We can't possibly imagine another year without them. But time like everything else marches on with...

In this episode, I talk about the quote " hold on to the love, not the loss". This quote is attributed to Eva Longoria. It came from a podcast where Eva Longoria talked about her divorce. This quote is posted often on different social media platforms and is applied to grief. I believe it is misapplied because going through a divorce and the death of a child or loved one is significantly different....

This week on Grieving Insomniacs we discuss how the body remembers our grief even when we don't want to.  The connection between the mind, heart, and gut affects how we experience our grief and how we cope with our grief. Much of the information in this episode comes from the book The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk M.D.   According to Dr. Van Der Kolk our mind, gut, and heart ar...

Losing a child is traumatic and the triggers from this trauma last a lifetime. Today, I discuss a significant trigger from my own grief experience that took me down the rabbit hole of grief last week. Not only did I get triggered but all the shame, guilt, and regret I had from Christopher's death was reexperienced all over again. Getting stuck in grief is a common problem that many people experien...

Once you experience a traumatic loss such as the loss of a child, Christmas is never the same again. Part of our mourning process is mourning the traditions and experiences that won't be possible anymore without our beloved children. In today's episode, I discuss the current difficulties I am having with the Christmas Blues and ways that I try to cope with this difficult time of year. Listen in on...

Many of my podcast ideas come from my own experiences during the week. This week I spent a significant amount of time thinking about privilege. Privilege is when one group has an advantage over another group. Privilege is not having to worry about health issues because you have always been healthy. Privilege is never having experienced going hungry, being homeless, or not being cared for. Privileg...

The holidays are always tough for grievers. We spend much of the day wearing a mask around people, then when we are alone feeling the loss of our loved ones acutely.  Thanksgiving begins the holiday season. The holidays were never pleasant when I was growing up and grief has not helped that situation any. I have found unique ways to cope with my grief. One of them is believing that my son com...

Signs from Christopher are an important part of coping with my grief about his death. I have seen and spoken with different people who say they do not have signs from their deceased loved one. When I hear someone say that I feel sad for them. There are three things that I believe get in the way of people receiving signs from a loved one. In the beginning, your grief is internalized within yourself...

It has taken 11 years to be able to talk about the first Thanksgiving after my son died without crying. Every year around the first of November the anxiety and stress surrounding whether I will be alone for the holiday. For some reason, Thanksgiving is the worst holiday for me and my grief. Thanksgiving was my first real experience with the abandonment of family while I was grieving. I thought I w...

A listener reached out and told me the following story. Her mother-in-law died two years ago. The mother-in-law's sister reached out on her sister's birthday to complain about how the life insurance policy was divided between the children. This conflict with her mother-in-law's sister devastated her. She was upset because it had been two years. How come it came to a head now? Listen in as we discu...

Today starts the grieving holiday season when you have lost a child. Whether it is an adult child or a younger child, the memories will burn your throat and cause waves of grief. Today's episode is a short Happy Halloween because as per usual when my grief is activated I don't feel well. Most importantly take care of yourself tomorrow.  The Grieving Insomaniacs Podcast is available on Anchor,...

Anxiety after the loss of a child is significantly different from other types of anxiety. Many people including myself report an increase in fear or anxiety related to losing another living child. This anxiety can present in racing thoughts when separated from the living child. This anxiety can present in physical symptoms such as a racing heart, heart palpitations, and nightmares. Listen in as we...

In today's episode, I discuss how grief destroyed my relationship with my extended family. Before my son died I would have told you I had a close-knit family. That we were really close and my cousins were like sisters. When my son died my family disappeared from my life increasing the isolation I felt. I have asked myself over and over again over the years if I was the reason why they never called...

In today's episode, I talk about how conversations about death directly impact our ability to grieve. Over the last few months, I have learned that being able to talk about death is imperative if you want to help someone with their grief. Many professionals avoid talking about death, therefore, they avoid talking about grief. This leaves many grievers including myself alone in their mourning. &nbs...

Today we discuss the importance of changing the cultural conversation surrounding the loss of a child. Once again I had the not unique experience of telling another person that I had lost a child. All conversation stopped. I am used to this response but why should I be used to it? As a community, we can change our society by telling our stories about our grief. Listen in as I discuss how to do thi...

On today's episode of Grieving Insomanics a podcast about grief, I discuss happiness. Is it possible for someone to be happy after the loss of a child? What happens when a grieving mother does not feel that they are allowed to be happy because their child died? Our society expects perfection from mothers. Any mistake on the part of the mother and the mother is judged immediately and harshly. This...

This week was an awful week. My family had a health-related emergency of one of our family members that took me down the spiral into my grief. Spinning out of control the fear and anxiety binds your throat and cripples the mind. I overshared at work about grief. I felt vulnerable and afraid of their judgment. I tried to call my dead son. I had that phone in my hand looking for the number before I...