Greatest Trek: New Star Trek Reviewed

When Spock plans a grand romantic gesture for Nurse Chapel’s return, he’s surprised to learn their break led to sharing quarters with Dr. Corby. But after a leprechaun bartender spikes Spock's drink, Corby is sent to the proverbial cuck chair. How do you choose the tracklist for the most fucked-up mix tape? What kind of lists are Ben and Adam on? Which is better: snaps or jazz hands? It’s the epis...

When Captain Pike is frozen in his battle armor, the Entrepreneur’s only means of escape is ramming speed. But after dangling on a cliff for almost two years, Captain Batel’s backside undergoes an emergency babality. Why do we remember Valeo Beta V? What does the Gorn feeding chamber not have? How do you know when a name is really back? It’s the episode where the line gets drawn HERE and then also...

When Ben and Adam let an FoD select a film for them to review, they are unsure what they'll get. But after they learn they'll be covering the third movie in a franchise, which is also a prequel, they slap on some fentanyl patches and do their best to keep quiet. Should you go from jack-off to marionnette or from marionnette to jack-off? What's the best way to destroy a bridge? Are squeakquels rode...

When the show’s most frequent guest returns for an impromptu job interview, we learn that hope springs eternal and the ideas list for Season 3 just keeps scrolling. But while Ben and Adam enjoy the bitter tannins of the world’s very last Prodigy interview, Waltke finally explains who reins supreme as Prodigy’s Barnus Franks. What would actually cause Murf to explode? Which whale can get it? Where...

When it’s time for the ultimate episode of Prodigy, Wesley is shitting bricks and the Loom is attacking Solum. But after the cadets make it through the wormhole and close the time loop, they’re called back into action to defy Admiral Jellicoe one more time. What’s the contingency plan for a whale on the fritz? Is there an unspoken requirement of being a Starfleet captain? Who‘s the best Academy ro...

When the cadets split up to counter Asencia’s attack, the mathletes figure out how to make a pretty new wormhole while Dal gets the clock tower rigged for a lightning strike. But after Gwyn faces Asencia to reclaim her heirloom, the Loom shows up to block to the hole back to Tars Lamora. Can a single word can set a boundary? Which ancient symbol is both misunderstood and inspiring? What’s the whol...

When Asencia tries to lure Admiral Janeway into a trap, the kids learn the collared murder panther they’re afraid of wants to escape too. But when Dr. Mark plays dress up and civil war breaks out on Solum, the crew is reunited just in time for the finale. How is Star Trek Podcasting like a Pez dispenser? What’s a young man’s game? When will Ben and Adam die permanently? It’s the episode that doesn...

When the protégés get an undercover mission to Solum, they don’t have Starfleet’s cover if they’re caught snooping around on the surface. But when they meet a pre-bad Asencia and immediately trust her completely, Gwyn’s decision to split up the team throws Wesley’s future calculations off. How is Seattle better than New York City? What does El Salvador have that Rura Penthe doesn’t? Who’s leaving...

When Voyager A is dead in the water and Protostar is the only ship that can help, Asencia fires a time weapon that pierces the hull and ages Commander Tyssis. But when Zero volunteers to Steve Zahn so they can take out the deathnok ship, Maj’El leads the fighter pilots to victory and Jankom Pog gets Zero some upgrades. How do you know if you’ve got Adam or a Chameloid? What’s the most popular meta...

When Jellico orders Janeway and Chakotay back to Earth, Gwyn gets a call from Solum and Asencia starts attacking. But after the crew splits up and Voyager can’t figure our where to shoot, we finally learn why Wesley hasn’t been helping out lately. What’s Ben’s cigar and whiskey? How did Chakotay work out a winning strategy with Janeway? Which magazine proves that print isn’t dead? It’s the episode...

When proto-warp cracks the universe’s cocaine mirror, the kids arrive back at Voyager to find a ship shattered into different realities. But when Jamie Lee Janeway and Goatee Chakotay learn about the Loom the hard way, Gwyn and her armband set everything right for a happy reunion. What can we expect out of Prodigy Season 3? When do kids become Steve Zahn appropriate? Where did Maj’El disappear to?...

When a dustbuster club heads out in search of bosonite, they find scary tribbles that bite and a Klingon scientist to make fun of. But when their missions align and Rok-Tahk’s mistake ends up saving the day, the cadets leave yet another character behind as they set a course back to Voyager A. What’s not even wrong with Ben this time? How many lies does it take to make a web? Where does a Star Trek...

When Chakotay and the cadets decide to A-Team the Protostar, they sail it towards a dangerous storm to collect the deuterium they need to go fast. But when Dal fails on ship-steering duty and starts to question his future, Chakotay encourages him to explore a different career path that sends them both overboard. Who thinks a lot about the Shinzon Incident? How is this story like an evening in Nash...

When the cadets find themselves marooned with a very grumpy Chakotay, Holo Janeway has to convince him not to let them die outside. But when the kids start to gain his trust and Dal goes missing, the search and rescue mission turns into a funeral cruise for birdman. What have the scientists stopped making? Why can’t Adreek be buried in a Jewish cemetery? Is there a first rule of ship wreck? It’s t...

When the Loom starts attacking Gary Seven’s office, Voyager’s away team beams down to a Tarsem Singh situation. But when Dal brings Maj’El into the quantum equation, Wesley’s calculations open a hole that tank-top Janeway allows the cadets to go through. Which TV show do sick kids need today? Whose phone has been disconnected? What’s both embarrassing and tragic? It’s the episode that’s frozen in...

When the kids finally arrive at the coordinates only to find Wesley Crusher instead of the Protostar, there’s no time to answer the many questions he raises. But when he helps them escape the space panthers and takes them to Gary Seven’s apartment, Janeway defies Jellico’s orders and arrives in search of the cadets. What’s the best place to confront LeVar Burton? Who is the reason for the season?...

When Zero’s broken-suit lifestyle leads to a telepathic cold call, the kids agree to a side quest so they can get their Medusan friend all fixed up. But when an impulsive decision to go straight for long green body leads to a thrilling chase through some flowers, Zero ultimately decides to stick with the dance partners that brought them and leave Lobster Fest behind. What’s Star Trek’s version of...

When Jankom Pog clogs up the Infinity, getting to Chakotay’s nebula faster means flying through a Borg conduit. But when they’re pulled out of the green tunnel by a Kazon Maje, Zero’s heroics lead to a broken suit. Who wouldn’t have a problem on Hot Ones? Which script is the USS Infinity’s registry printed in? When is a foosball table like a starship? It’s the episode that could never ride transit...

When the cadets are on lockdown as the Infinity is being sent to its fiery blue death, programming holo doubles is their only plan for saving the timeline. But when their copies are good enough to cause an identity crisis, the Rok-Tahks work together to figure out who gets to escape on the Infinity. What’s gaining traction in state legislatures? Who is rolling around in her grave? Which movie fran...

When Admiral Janeway puts the cadets through a kid-style tribunal, the senior officers don’t believe their story and Dr. Mark gets assigned as babysitter. But when Admiral Jellico orders Janeway to destroy the time hole, the kids translate Murf-speak and get a new clue about where to find Chakotay. Who is starting to catch strays on the Uxbridge-Shimoda family of shows? What does Murf refuse to we...

When Gwyn has critically low hit points at the bottom of the Va’Lu’Rah hole, her young father puts her first while she gets a mysterious message directly from the cosmos. But when the kids on the Infinity get a strange message in calculator font, they decide to time travel to find Gwyn before it’s too late to save her. What does “it’s complicated” actually mean? Why can’t anyone get a ride on this...

When Dal and the team crash on a wasteland version of Solum, they get imprisoned with Captain Chakotay and try not to mess up the timeline. But when the Protostar leaves Solum with two extra people aboard, Gwyn starts Back To The Futuring at a critical point in the Va'Lu'Rah. What’s the risk of sharing binoculars? Why aren’t there more puffers? Where will you never get a courtesy wave? It’s the ep...

When Asencia pre-poisoned the well on Solum, Gwyn’s failed attempt at first contact leads her to a younger version of her father. But when Admiral Janeway arrives at the space hole only to hear from a creepy talking orb, a series of loud-mouthed gaffes by Dal results in a capital Dun Dun Dun into the anomaly. What’s the scariest thing humans have ever invented? How would we know if the rest o the...

When Janeway calls upon our favorite crew members from the Protostar, they all drop what they're doing to join a new adventure. But when the kids realize the adults are keeping certain information and shuttle bays secret, they hatch a new cockamamie scheme and jump into the Jefferies tubes. Does Rok-Tahk sink or does she swim? How do you actually make money on YouTube? Does the "A" in Voyager-A st...

When Emperor Georgiou’s backstory doesn’t make her any more redeemable, getting pulled into a Section 31 mission gives her another chance to do the right thing. But when their assignment reveals a relic from her own destructive past, gruesomely killing her childhood boyfriend doesn’t exactly earn her atonement. Was there a code name for this movie during production? What are the mirror universe Bo...