Greatest Trek: New Star Trek Reviewed

When Dr. Loomis fumbles a high stakes mental patient transfer, he’ll go on as many laid back strolls as it will take to hunt down the escapee. But when Michael Myers starts having a little too much fun, it’ll lead Loomis right to him. Is hair combing a post or pre-coitus activity? When’s the last time you saw a raccoon? How many lunatics can you fit in a station wagon? It’s the episode that’s 90 m...

When a pair of sorcerer brothers are locked in an age-old battle, bad boy Kabal escapes from the castle prison with a mission to conquer Earth. But after a special pendant implicates Doctor Mordrid in a murder investigation, his lady neighbor breaks him out of police custody just in time to save humanity from Kabal’s evil plan. What’s a bad sign for anyone’s mental health? Who is the third supervi...

When John Reilly brings his wife and daughter to Italy to take possession of a distant relative’s castle, it all seems a little too good to be true. But when John’s personal demons become more and more apparent, it’s clear that those aren’t the only monsters he’ll have to wrestle with. What’s the best way to get around the MPA? How do you make your dungeon ADA accessible? Which part of the cat sho...

When Dr. West transfers medical schools, he finds himself entrenched in some pretty significant disagreements with the faculty there. But after his roommate gets his student loans revoked and his professor dies, their desperation has them pushing past the side effects of their research. Can we not be weird about boobs? What are acceptable expectations to have for a quiet roommate? Should we take a...

When Uhura picks up a mysterious comms signal from future herself, a time travel adventure kicks off and her two selves have to work together to save Scotty. But after P’Uhura ends up on the F’Enterprise and F’Uhura ends up on the P’Enterprise, going hands-on with a space vagina is the only way to set things right. Who got personally thanked for “making the world such an awesome place to be”? Whic...

When it’s La’an’s turn to deal with some heavy emotional shit, a magical flat planet full of doppelgängers is where the story will play out. But after a couple of fairytale characters try to take over the iron dragon, La’an reunites her light and dark selves and the evil queen gets beamed straight to the brig. What’s the most well-established plot device in Star Trek? How do you know a mask is ins...

When Captain Pike is on an away mission and Admiral Reeger swoops in to commandeer the Enterprise, it's to everyone's surprise when they find themselves caught in a Crimson Tide scenario. But after Asha starts turning into a massive Swarovski paperweight, Pike tries to negotiate with a nameless Andorian who at least has no problem naming a price. Who's cultivating spittle? What bridge crew member...

When Trelane’s final project involves casting the crew into a soap opera, Captain Pike not inhabiting his role puts the great human experiment at risk. But after the dramas play out and the proctor declares humans interesting, the crew is released to pick back up with their own internal struggles. Which host is standing in the way of the next tour? What needs to be turned into Canadian Heritage Mi...

When the Entrepreneur is pulled into a slipstream wormhole, Dr. M’Benga becomes Dr. Table and Nurse Chapel disobeys a direct order to stay by his side. But after the neutrinos bombarding the ship turn out to be just what the Doctor ordered, Scotty gets his origin story as a miracle worker and Nurse Chapel reinvents the laws of physics. Where is there a whole separate Star Trek happening? Who might...

When Scotty tries to go for the record with Little Ricky, Spock watches from a shuttle as the transporter experiment turns everyone on the ship into puppets. But after an Orion pirate ship arrives to take advantage of the situation, Spock and T’Pring reconnect over logic before realizing it was all a dream. Where can you reliably find a printout of all the Vulcan holidays? What do you have to go t...

When Una’s first away mission as commander almost gets her caught inside Klingon space, the away team ditches the shuttle on an occupied planet and they get dressed up to try to lay low. But after she’s recognized for someone whose alliances aren’t black and white, Una can’t end the mission without appointing a new leader for the Mataaran resistance. What’s Star Trek shorthand for an oppressive so...

When the crew needs a break before an important diplomatic mission, Alpha shift takes a shuttle down to a trippy resort planet. But after the atmosphere starts making everyone’s journey a little weird, Ortegas and Scotty get the crew back together in time for a grand diplomatic gesture. In what way did this production show restraint? What’s the main rule in a tattoo parlor? Which moment might be t...

When Kirk, Spock, and La'An discover the long-lost USS Griffin on their way home from a conference, they decide to take a little detour to check out the ship. But after things become mysterious and spooky, the trio becomes all together ooky and they need rescuing. Is Kirk a Family Guy? What are the body bag best practices? Does punching a dinosaur give you carte blanche? It's the episode that's al...

When the Entrepreneur’s mission is to take pictures of a space squall, the distress buoy they detect draws them into a paradox 65 million years in the making. But after the ship is captured by pre-historic Martians and La’an punches a dinosaur in the face, Captain Pike’s controversial non-intervention ends up protecting everyone’s future. Who is a crazy jump scare at a movie premiere? How is worki...

When four of Gotham City’s supervillains team up to take over the world, the Dynamic Duo are the only two people smart enough to save the Security Council. But after Bruce Wayne gets kidnapped by Catwoman disguised as Comrade Kitka, his newfound love turns to heartbreak when her true identity is revealed. Why was the Batcopter decommissioned? Where have Bat standards fallen sharply? Who can’t...

When a giant green Frankenstein emerges from the ocean, he starts to take bites out of sailors like so many canapés. But after he makes his way towards mainland Japan, it's up to the crack team at the Frankenstein Institute of Technology to determine just what's going on. Is Russ Tamblyn the real monster? Will the war end with a Godzilla from the machine? Did 60's cinema have a volcano mandate? It...

When an ex-agent of Z.O.W.I.E. is called out of his retirement lifestyle to save the world from climate scientists, Derek Flint politely declines the mission until a poison dart almost takes out his former boss. But after Galaxy agents abduct his lady friends, faking his death gets him into their secret lair to rescue the polycule and destroy the volcano. Who isn’t getting shaved by multiple women...

When a Denavan Jakes his shuttle into the sun, the Enterprise quickly sends an away team down to the planet’s surface. But after the team discovers a rubber vomit parasite that is threatening to overtake the planet’s colony, the crew must find a solution that doesn’t nuke the baby with the bathwater. Does Spock have any hobbies? Is there anything more futuristic than a spray bottle? What’s the eas...

When Greatest Trek jumps into the past, Adam and Ben must follow by skipping their way into Carl’s Hole. But after this classic episode of Star Trek the Original Series reveals more than just time travel, your hosts must commit to the past in order to save the future. Is Spock now a hat guy? Can Kirk shut down some more jerks? Will we see our crew skip again? It’s the episode where we learn our fr...

When the galaxy winks out and a bearded time traveller appears, his religious quest for vengeance leads to confusing circumstances aboard the Entrepreneur. But after Kirk leads several missions down to the planet to investigate, hatching a plan to trap both Lazaruses for eternity is the sacrifice they’re both willing to make. Which host is more experienced in the diarrhetic arts? Where do the Oreg...

When the Klingons are on the rise it’s up to Kirk and team to thwart an upcoming invasion, but when the Organians are a little too chill, it’s time to burst into a beam of light and put some Qo’nos and Earth perspectives aside. Will this renaissance world survive? How breezy are those outfits? Will the Kling’ns be back? It’s the episode that introduces stage-one of a loafed evolution. Support the...

When the Entrepreneur is sent to rescue some miners on Janus VI, their ages are not what anyone expected. But after an important implement is stolen by a mysterious monster, it’s a race against time to avoid losing their lives. Is there such a thing as an old bold miner? Does a three minute response time satisfy anyone? Can you have a face not even a mother could love? It’s the episode that needs...

When the Entrepreneur visits a decimated colony on Omicron Ceti III, the away team is surprised to find a group of happy survivors thriving on a vegetarian diet. But after Spock gets sprayed by a flower and everyone refuses to leave paradise, Kirk has to start pissing people off to break the happiness spell. How did the Berthold rays over promise and under deliver? Which piece of equipment is very...

When a grumpy Ambassador forces the Entrepreneur to ignore a Code 710, an away team beams down and learns the crew has been designated casualties of war. But after Spock starts taking out security guards and Scotty threatens to blow up the planet’s buildings too, Kirk destroys a war computer to finally end the ancient conflict. Where does the generational trauma not stop? What’s worse than a livin...

When the Entrepreneur finds an Earth vessel from the mysterious 1990s, an away team beams aboard to wipe the frost off the sleeping crew’s glass. But after a Starfleet historian falls in love with Khan and helps him commandeer the ship, Captain Kirk retakes control and leaves the augments at Ceti Alpha V. When is a hot dog order heroic? Which original Uxbridge-Shimoda policy is still in place toda...