Going Terribly

Aaarrr, ye scurvy bilge rats! Turn yar rudder to thy chosen auricular device, and harken to the dulcet tones of Rear Admiral Douglas Redbeard and Shen the Scaly Scaliwag, as they regale you with tales of wet cakes, venomous caterpillars, and male sirens of the 1990s and their acronymic legacy. 'Twill be the greatest seafarin' adventure of the Seven Realms! Oh, it's not International Talk Like a Pi...

Just a plain old average episode coming your way with no trivia games or milestone celebrations or surprise presents of any kind...  Other discussion topics may include:  - The desire to pee across the midwest. And Arizona. - Dropping lots of names, knowledge, and thunder  - Toilet paper socks: not what you'd think...or exactly what you'd think?  - How much would YOU pay to see...

Rabbit Rabbit! It's the first episode of September, and boy, do we have some atoning to do. After making some not necessarily false but ultimately misinformed statements throughout August about the Lindbergh Baby, the Saved by the Bell revival, and the Morton Salt company (the very cheek, we know...), Doug and Alice guess at some celebrity ages, invent a new music-themed board game (Doo-wop-oly?),...

You know what everybody loves? Summer camp. A week of open flame, peeing into troughs, and getting your first period out in the wilderness and not telling any of the camp counselors and just shoving toilet paper in your hoochie. Wet and hot indeed. Other discussion topics may include: - The best U.S. restrooms and the pilgrimages that must follow - "Communal Expelling": The grossest two-word combi...

Today is Strange Music Day, so Alice and Doug will take you on a magical musical journey through upbeat songs with sad lyrics, the best genres of music to fight depression and facilitate pooping, how to torture someone with silence, how to torture someone with a theremin, and how to truly be metal. Like Amelia Earhart, who totally assassinated Thomas Edison. That patent-pending turd. Other discuss...

Sometimes, you just gotta start out an episode by making juvenile fart noises with your hands. You certainly don't have to continue the rest of the episode like that, but what can we say, we're just gems like that. Other discussion topics may include: - How gymnastics can improve or infuriate your black cat - Gallagher's fruit smashing, brother suing journey into our hearts - Why you should be wat...

Going Terribly is a true crime podcast now. Doug watches a ton of Forensic Files , Disappeared , and Killer Couples (who knew?), and Alice was recently trapped in a car for 9 hours and listened to the entire first season of the Cold podcast (not against her will), so obviously, this whole episode is a grisly dramatization of Ashley Judd's 1999 film, Double Jeopardy .  Other discussion topics...

August is upon us, which means National Ice Cream Month is over. Join Doug and Alice as they pick up the shards of their shattered existence by conquering their childhood fears of killer clowns, anxiety dreams, lyrical abstraction, catfishing scams, and sitting on one's nuts. Other discussion topics may include: - Incredibly beautiful songs about infidelity - Martha Stewart, hot pink buildings, an...

Was the Lindbergh Baby ever found? Are the humanoid races from Lord of the Rings still considered "humans" like we're considered humans? Are Counting Crows lyrics actually deep, or are they only deceptively deep?  And does "deceptively deep" mean something is shallower than it seems or deeper than it seems? (There IS a right answer to this...) All these questions and more in this episode wher...

In this fast-paced episode, Alice and Doug go *bang zoom* straight to the moon and back with musings on Hogwarts houses, reality dating shows, and sex work destigmatization. Doug also creates some predictive text fortune cookies (in bed), and Alice intricately details the obscure, niche world of international collegiate muggle quidditch. Honestly, are any of those words even real? Other discussion...

You guys, this episode is adorable. Chock-full of puns, callbacks, and wholesomely embarrassing stories about Doug macing someone in the face and Alice almost drowning in a pool. Bonus Words With Nerds: Pronunciation Edition and a *Giveaway* entailing mac 'n cheese and nudie pics.  Oh wait, adorable? I mean, deplorable... Other discussion topics may include: - Cats and the silent treatment: a...

It's our 40th episode, and we simply MUST revisit the wiping debate again. After all, it (i.e., “going,” e.g., either #1 or #2) is the namesake of the podcast.  Other discussion topics may include:  - A celebration of Elena Cabins, the forgotten 1970s star  - Spelling bee d-e-p-r-e-s-s-i-o-n  - A blown up case of the Mandela Effect that might be full of hot air  - The time...

Once upon a Tuesday dreary, while I floundered, weak and weary, Over many a taint 3 oz or 5 oz poor — While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of some one gently crapping, crapping outside my chamber door. “’Tis dat Poe,” I muttered, “fapping at my chamber door— Only this and nothing more.” Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the hot June weather; And each complimentary oy...

A terribly adorable episode in which Alice and Doug talk about wholesomely themed parties, friendly insects, giant cozy blankies, nostalgic reality stars, and a wedding reception on Uranus. What? Other discussion topics may include: - A jacket full of Stovetop...misunderstanding or brilliant invention? - Competitive bouquet catching - Vanna White's spin-off series "Turning That D" - Are we all jus...

How to describe this week's episode... It's intimately illuminating and oddly philosophical...yet also terribly irreverent and straight-up gross. What, that sounds like all our episodes? Yeah, I was afraid of that.  All right, you know what? We're all adults. You can handle it.  We talk about how we wipe, okay? Yeah. It's flipping fascinating. Other discussion topics may include: - How t...

The AC was out, so our brains were fried. This here synopsis is just a list of alternative titles for this short episode. Two Exquisite Corpses in a Google Egg of Easter Two Rare Conditions in a Hodgepodge of Properties Two Sesquipedalians in a Sasquatch Medallion Two Sliced Hens in a Horror Satire Two Google Egg Treats in a Feather-Plucking Plane Two Sassy Sidewinders in a Filled Dance Card...

The first episode of June gets a bit kinky -- what with the rotisserie chickens and feline anxiety medication and Do Not Resuscitate orders. We really do need to abide by Robert's Rules of Order if we're gonna experiment with robotic gerbils in the miniature wind-up sex dungeon on Noah's Ark. I mean, really. Other discussion topics may include: - How to properly tick off British women - An acknowl...

It's time for the NBA Playoffs, and Doug has concocted a couple of peachy keen, basketbally games that Alice just...totally nutmegs...on... Am I using that right? There are also absolutely NO SPOILERS about a certain...face-obscured reality singing competition...  Other discussion topics may include: - How to look like Winnie the Pooh while still being a great basketball player - A celebratio...

Doug and Alice return to their scatological roots in this poopy yet educational episode. Sorry, not sorry. Other discussion topics may include: - An education on the most serious of vibrators - The legend of the Brooklyn Embryo - How to offend a genie - The Complete Game of Neil Patrick Harris Abridged - Defecation vs. Childbirth: An uneducated study of their similarities

Alice and Doug toured some White Castles, In Macho Man gowns, caps, and tassels. They both flashed their V-cards, Sent beef down their innards, And spent all night clenching their a$$h***s. Last week, Doug and Alice #SetPfizersToStun and recovered by watching #LoveVaxually and making #LymphBiscuits. This week, they get free donuts and beer and write dirty limericks. Other discussion topics may inc...

Its may the 4th. U know what that means. Doug and Alice celebrate better speech and langauge month by singing 'Pomps and Circumstance,' which is in the pubic domain. Who knew? Theres alot of It Went Terribly's and a big reveal about that 'this is your brian on drugs' marijauna commerical to. Other discussion topics may include: - How to accidentally(?) borrow heroin from your neighbor - V-checks,...

In honor of both Going Terribly's 30th episode AND National Tell a Story Day, Doug shares a lovely, traumatic children's book idea about a chicken who befriends a whale that'll make you weep, and Alice wonders if Kay Fabulous would be a good name for a character in that play about pro wrestling that she's never gonna write.    Other discussion topics may include: - Calling ahead to ask a...

It's 4/20, and Alice waxes poetic about White Castle's delightful munchies, and Doug definitely, absolutely, incontrovertibly DOES NOT wane at length about Steve Guttenberg and his entire cinematic catalog. Let's just say, it takes...more than two... There's also a chicken salad debate. If you know, you know.  Other discussion topics may include:  - Brains, Eggs, and Frying Pans: The Rac...

Henrietta Jones-Flaherty was an aspiring butter carvist in Evansville 1936. She gained accolades for her butter sculptures, but jealousy amongst insiders and vile ridicule slung by outsiders eventually caused her to suffer an emotional break.  Her husband and mother-in-law soon deemed her unfit for society and boarded her up in the attic, with only dry macaroni for sustenance and a string and...

Alice almost but doesn't win a prestigious playwriting award, and Doug almost but doesn't legally change his name to the name of a food in order to get a lifetime supply of said food. YET. Other discussion topics may include:  - How the Swedes turn trash into food made out of trash - Wives who are making obituaries fun again - The truth about red meat and chocolate being superior to spinach a...