Give Grief A Chance

Disenfranchised grief is often known as hidden grief. It's grief that goes unacknowledged or validated by many, it can be minimized or not understood and it makes a griever feel unsupported by family, friends, even society and they end up feeling like their grief is unworthy.   

In the beginning of the adoption process, most of the emphasis is focused on the positivity and beauty and that's wonderful. The fact is, as much as adoption contains a great deal of hope, it can also contain a large amount of loss and sadness. 

Most of us spend a lot of time at the workplace surrounded by people, some might be good friends and others.. not so much. When grief knocks at your door and you have to work, it can become very uncomfortable for you, and your coworkers. Sadly, most businesses handle the reality of death very poorly. 

We identify ourselves with the stories we tell ourselves, the labels we place upon ourselves, and the roles we undertake defining who we are by what we do for a living, are we married, how much money do we have in the bank. Yet, we don't always have a conscious awareness of our identity until, something changes in our life.  

Death does not create one single  ripple in one's life. From that primary loss it creates multiple losses, though we often are engulfed in the grief of losing the person we loved and cared about so much. Our grief is also the pain of other losses that are a result of the death, and this ripple effect is known as secondary loss. 

What can we do when lightning strikes twice, maybe three times or more. Grieving multiple losses is far more common than you might imagine and guaranteed, over a lifetime we will all experience many losses, it's just a part of life. The best thing we can do, is deal with each loss as it happens because if we don't and another loss occurs, we can end up in grief overload.   

Feelings of guilt can manifest itself in a multitude of ways, it can bring up feelings of regret, shame, anger, and doubt, as well as feelings of failure, inadequacy, and unworthiness. These feelings if left, can eventually impact your physical health and we don't want that. 

After experiencing a major loss, life can feel uncertain and uncertainty can feel scary. Grief feels like fear because it can leave us reeling in uncertainty and when the worst happens to us and and the uncertainty kicks in, we start to question ourselves as life feels overwhelming and fear keeps us stuck.

This is our  new and special end of the month episode called Love Notes. It's where you can write to a loved one as though they are still alive and tell them everything you appreciate about them. It's for any loss that you might have experienced be it, death, loss of a pet, loss of a job, aging, moving, abuse, miscarriage, or any other loss that still causes you pain when you think about it. Writi...

Sometimes people struggle with knowing how to grieve properly and how to share that with others in openness and vulnerability. When they struggle, freedom from emotional pain can feel far, far away, as life is different and they feel like they'll never find happiness again. 

When your grieving the holidays can be especially difficult to face. Grief is the normal and natural response to the loss of someone or something important to you, and it can happen with any type of loss. This year has been hard for us all and coronavirus had certainly created a new reality for everyone.

It can be so hard when your heartbroken and left with belongings that you want to deal with, but it's too painful for you to even think about, and  when you do, it triggers those emotions that are stressful and overwhelming . So what can you do when your feeling anxious by all the clutter?   

Heartbreak is very much a universal experience and the intense heartache that follows a death, divorce, abuse, loss of a pet, job loss, or any other kind of loss, may leave you feeling like you'll never experience happiness again.

Grief is heavy and can become all to consuming. The pain you carry can feel way to much for you to carry alone, especially at this holiday time. But, it's OK not to feel OK, because nobody else knows how you feel and nobody knows the emotions that pull you down to the depths of despair. 

No parent is ever prepared for a child's death, parents are simply not supposed to outlive their children. So when they lose a child they really are not just losing a person they loved, they are losing their years of hopes, dreams, and promises that they had so looked forward to. 

We all struggle, I'll be the first to admit, I do. Yet sadly, many of us desperately try to hide parts of our life from the world, especially those feelings we think are shameful or embarrassing after all, we just want to be accepted and fit in. 

By the time we are adults , guaranteed we all will have experienced loss of various kinds. I'll bet you've probably felt many of those painful feelings, and it's OK to grieve all of those past losses no matter how big or small.

Having prolonged grief can cause people to feel a loss of their sense of meaning and purpose in life.  Even years after their loss, they can be in emotional pain and have difficulty moving on because, they feel stuck in a state if chronic grieving.

Death is part of living, but, when it's close to home it can leave us feeling vulnerable dealing with so many mixed and powerful emotions, anger, frustration, overwhelm, fear, and guilt. My personal experience dealing with the loss of my family, certainly taught me something about living and it enables me to cherish every moment of the life I have.

Emotional baggage, we ALL carry it to varying degrees... even YOU!... It's that imaginary backpack that we drag around with us and continually fill it up with anxieties, worries, inner criticism, and negative thoughts. It's those unprocessed painful emotions from past losses.

When I took the time to look back at my life, I realized that I had experienced so many losses, but never in a million years had I attached the word grief to any of those negative and painful feelings. It was only when my family died, that I allowed myself to acknowledge my emotional pain and call it grief. 

This episode is dedicated to my big brother Steve. I think the death of a sibling is one of the most neglected losses. No matter what age you lose a sibling, and no matter what your relationship was like. When they die, your life changes.

Some friendships last for years and if your fortunate enough, others can last a lifetime. But, like most things in life, there are no guarantees when it comes to friendships. Some may end with a fight or betrayal a few just run their course, and sadly, some may end with death. 

A breakup or divorce is one of the most stressful and emotional experiences, and for many people it can feel like the end of the world. Whether you wanted it or not, the breakup of a relationship can be heartbreaking and trigger so many upsetting and painful emotions. 

Men grieve just as much as anyone. However, our society seems to expect them to ... stay strong ... suck it up and hold it all together. Sadly, by doing that, it means for many men, showing their emotions is a sign of weakness, and most of them have been conditioned and lied to since they were young boys.