Ghost Ninja Raccoon

For #LastCenturyWeek of Summer Horror Month , we’re heading back to camp… because apparently sending horny teenagers into the woods after a homicidal groundskeeper sounds like a solid business model. Years after a prank leaves Camp Blackfoot’s caretaker, Cropsey, burned beyond recognition, a new crop of campers learns that maybe campfire legends aren’t always just stories. Armed with an absolutely...

For #BonusWeek, we had to go back to one of the most iconic slashers ever made. Before there were ghostface calls, killer dolls, or haunted Zoom meetings… there was one crispy child murderer who said, “Nah, I’mma catch you in your sleep.” When a group of teens all start having the same terrifying nightmare, they realize staying awake might be the only thing keeping them alive. Unfortunately, coffe...

For Juneteenth Week we’re revisiting one of the best horror-action sequels ever made: Blade II! What happens when Blade is forced to team up with the very vampires he’s spent his life hunting? Well, apparently the answer is: a whole lot of ass kicking, several questionable alliances, and an underground army of mutant blood junkies that have everybody rethinking their priorities. When a new breed o...

For #BlackWeek of All 5’s Month, we headed to a cabin in the woods with The Blackening (2023) and honestly? This might be one of the funniest horror movies we’ve covered. A Juneteenth reunion weekend goes completely off the rails when a group of friends discovers a racist board game that wants to test their Blackness… and kill them if they fail. What starts as trivia night from hell quickly turns...

For #ThisCenturyWeek of All 5’s Month, we head to a remote family vacation mansion where a rich family reunion goes spectacularly wrong in 2011’s You’re Next. Mom and Dad just wanted to celebrate their anniversary. Instead, they got sibling rivalry, inheritance schemes, three animal-masked killers, and enough family dysfunction to keep a therapist employed for decades. We get: • One of the most ca...

For #LastCenturyWeek we headed to the most famous motel in horror history and discovered that sometimes the real danger isn’t stealing $40,000… it’s stopping for sandwiches with a weird guy who talks to his mother through the walls. After impulsively stealing a small fortune from her employer, one Sexy Secretary hits the road hoping to start a new life with her broke boyfriend. Instead, a rainstor...

For Sequel Week of Vacation Horror Month, we could’ve hit the beach with Michael Caine in Jaws: The Revenge… but instead we chose chaos 😌 This week we’re ruining everybody’s vacation plans with 3 Headed Shark Attack — a movie where scientists studying ocean pollution realize WAY too late that all this trash in the water is creating mutated sea monsters that are mad, hungry, and absolutely sick of...

For #blackweek of Vacation Horror Month, we head to Lake Arrowhead for a birthday getaway full of beautiful people, HORRIBLE decision making, and a whole lotta unlocked doors as we dive into 2007’s Somebody Help Me! What starts as a cozy cabin weekend birthday party quickly spirals into chaos after couples start disappearing into the woods one by one. As bodies start piling up and random people ke...

It’s week two of Vacation Horror Month and apparently the real danger of a relaxing lake getaway isn’t drinking too much, cheating on your partner, or inviting emotionally unstable young adults into the woods… it’s BEAVERS. Specifically: toxic waste infected, flesh-hungry, relationship-destroying ZOMBEAVERS. After Bill Burr and John Mayer lose a barrel of radioactive sludge into the wilderness bec...

It’s officially May which means: pack your bags, grab your snacks, and make sure your spare tire actually has air in it because we are entering Vacation Horror Month ✈️ Kicking things off with our #LastCentury pick, we’re heading back to 1979 for Tourist Trap! Where a casual roadside detour turns into a full-blown nightmare fueled by mannequins, madness, and whatever the hell “killer kinesis” is s...

For the final week of Action Horror April, we hit Sequel Week, which means we’re going somewhere familiar… but with a ridiculous upgrade. Where are we headed, and who’s coming with us? Oh, just casually blasting off into space with Jason Voorhees. That’s right: Jason X, aka: Jason goes to spacee! Ever wondered what JV would be up to 400 years in the future on a spaceship? Spoiler: exactly what he...

Y’all, I was tired AF and decided to give myself a week off, but just a week!! So I dug in the crates to find an appropriate #blackweek film Action Horror April and I found one. So if you haven’t already, enjoy this jaunt back to last summers shark month with your boy Dr. Private Urkel. And worry not, shark month will return! 🦈🩸 We’ve made it to July and it is hot as hell outside—so obviously it...

As Action Horror April hits the 2000s for our #ThisCentury pick, we roll into small-town chaos with The Guest—and spend a tight 1 hour 40 minutes staring respectfully (and disrespectfully) at Dan Stevens. This Sexy Soldier shows up in his fallen comrade’s hometown, armed with sympathy, charm, and a face that should honestly come with a warning label. He’s there to comfort a grieving family… but in...

It’s officially April, which means: new theme, new chaos. I did record this on Easter Sunday… but instead of making it about the Lordt, we’re making it about ass-kicking. Welcome to Action Horror April 💥 That’s right—alongside the murders, we’ve got fights, car chases, hookups, and yes… more ass-kicking. We’re kicking things off with our #LastCentury pick, inspired by a Grade-A, certified ass-kic...

I could’ve wrapped Monster March bonus week with Feast III… but that would’ve made too much sense. And as a certified contrarian, absolutely not. So instead? We’re heading straight into the 1990’s with the the desert chaos of Tremors! We’ve got Kevin Bacon in peak youthful hotness and Fred Ward in full Zaddy mode, teaming up to save the tiniest town imaginable from becoming an underground-accessed...

As we crash into Week 4 of Monster March, we pick up exactly where Week 1 left us—ankle-deep in blood and bad decisions—with FEAST II: Sloppy Seconds. We’ve barely escaped the bar—drenched in sweat, gore, and… yeah, let’s call it “monster fluids”—and we still don’t know a damn thing about these creatures or why they’re so aggressively… motivated. And guess what? The unlucky souls in this sequel? T...

MONSTER MARCH rages on with #BlackWeek, and this time we’re heading deep into the swamp to battle FRANKENFISH 🐟⚡ An early-2000s sea monster flick where the real danger isn’t just the creature — it’s being stuck on a houseboat hours from civilization… or even the ocean. A sexy medical examiner teams up with a fish & wildlife biologist to investigate what killed Fisherman Who Dies First, how it ha...

As we travel back to 1997 for our second stop in Monster March, we kick things off in Brazil before heading to the Chicago Natural History Museum for The Relic. And when I say the museum… I mean a lot of time in the museum, with almost as much time crawling around the extremely gross tunnels underneath it. Our Sexy Scientist even ends up wandering through them barefoot at one point. 😳 I mean, who...

We’ve strutted into March and you know what that means: new month, new madness. Sure, Saint Patrick’s Day was whispering sweet green nothings in my ear… but after last week’s chaotic detour into leprechaun territory? I decided to protect my peace. 😳 And since it’s also the one-year anniversary of my triumphant return to the internet streets, we’re celebrating properly. No tiny men. No buckled sho...

For the final week of Love Horror Month, I had to dig deep to satisfy the sacred law of #SequelWeek. After briefly flirting with the extra-gory, sexually uncomfy chaos of the Hellraiser franchise… I pivoted. Because sometimes love means choosing whimsy over whips. So instead of cenobites, we’re chasing limericks in a franchise that goes from the farm to the hood to outer space in the absolutely un...

It’s still our Love Horror month and we’ve arrived at #BlackWeek with Def by Temptation — where an almost-preacher has to wrestle his urges before he can graduate Bible school… and the final exam is VERY hands-on. A Sexy Succubus posts up in a smoky New York bar, picking off men faster than they can say “yeah, I’ll come back to your place.” These brothers aren’t falling in love — they’re being fat...

Love is in the air… and so is unresolved middle-school trauma. Still in Love Horror month and This week I’m diving into 2001’s Valentine—a Y2K slasher where a group of grown adults learn (too late) that being cruel to an awkward kid at a Valentine’s Day dance can come back with a very sharp RSVP. We’ve got early-2000s fashion crimes, wildly questionable friendships, and a masked killer who is abso...

New month, new theme — and we’re kicking off Love Horror by diving headfirst into our #LastCentury pick: The Wraith (1987), a movie that asks the eternal question: what if true love came back from the dead in the form of a hot, mysterious stranger with a killer car and zero patience for misogynistic nonsense? At the center of this desert fever dream is a super-douche boyfriend terrorist who thinks...

Alright, buckle up — Sequel Week gets frosty ❄️🩸 Show Notes: Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings (2011) This week I’m heading back into the snow-covered hellscape that is Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings, the winter-set prequel that asks the eternal horror question: what if every decision was bad… and then aggressively worse? We’ve got: ❄️ A remote mountain asylum that absolutely should’ve stayed aban...

This week we’re heading to the slopes for #BlackWeek where the snow is fake, the science is faker, and the spiders are… aggressively large. I’m talking about SyFy Channel’s 2007 masterpiece of chaotic winter nonsense: Ice Spiders. What happens when a secret government experiment, climate-controlled spiders, and a ski resort full of Extremely Confident People collide? Absolutely nothing good—and th...