Generation Artax

Lori always had a prom date, but not until the day of. And that's how we know deadlines work. Terri goes away for a weekend and loses her boyfriend overnight, what Some Kind of Wonderful got right (and wrong), and is it us or was Three's Company kinda fucked up? Plus: How we all side with the parents in 80s movies now. Welcome to Generation Artax. Also in this episode: Shoe horns Summer I turned p...

Terri landed her first legit boyfriend senior year of high school in the fall of 1990, setting an epic drama in motion. Kim pens a Victorian letter to Lori reminding her she's not ugly. Plus: Lori's given up on jewelry, Terri is obsessed with making it, and Kim doesn't want any of her jewelry to change, ever. Also, could someone please throw Terri a word of affirmation? Welcome to Generation Artax...

In this episode, you'll only hear two stories about car accidents, because Kim is perfect and never makes mistakes. Lori airs her discomfort about a certain Michael Jackson video, as well as a Looney Tunes character who tried to make assault look endearing. Also: Lori believes she's from the year 3,000 A.D., Kim has magical powers she'd like to use only occasionally, and Terri is stymied by simple...

Is it watermelon season yet? And is that a tick Lori just found in her hair? Yes and yes. In this episode, Terri is on the Edge of Seventeen, Kim is lacking boyfriend bandwidth, and Lori wants to be a weather girl, but she will not say the word "Middlesex" when referring to the county. Then we all pile on the would-be heroines of 90s romcoms who can frankly fuck alllll the way off. Welcome to Gene...

Strap in for stories from the 90s, including how Lori makes a pledge to be nice to everyone freshman year and has a kind of Buddhist epiphany. Plus: Terri's love life is thrown into chaos by geopolitics in 1990. Question: Does being in love make you better looking? (Kinda.) In Unrelated: If you could be beamed anywhere for 10 minutes every week, where would you go? Welcome to Generation Artax. Ter...

How did we sleep on Flashdance and Judge Judy? Not anymore. Also in this episode: Are we all doing our own pedicures now? Does Terri have ADHD? Maybe. Plus: Kim's eighth-grade boyfriend thinks she's a snob. In Unrelated, what job would you have if things were different? Welcome to Generation Artax. In this episode: No one has seen Flashdance, except Terri who forgot to finish it.  Lori is obsessed...

How many times have YOU watched Jim Henson's funeral? Because Kim has it on a loop. Also in this episode, Kim checks her own receipts and turns out she has been telling her own HS breakup story inaccurately. Lori nearly chokes out a girl in the hallway between periods and at one point throws a chair. Also: Games we find triggering and words we hate so much we can barely speak them aloud. Welcome t...

In this episode, Lori waxes darkly poetic about how she's no one's type. Kim writes a letter to Terri on her 16th birthday, outlining all the ways she's a perfect teenager—including her solid physical shape—then goes back to talking about awesome next summer will be. In Unrelated: big fish, small fish, and podcast goals. Welcome to Generation Artax. Lori is no one's type, doesn't want to be cool,...

We kick off this episode with burning questions about when exactly the aliens are coming. Then, flash back to 1992 when Terri writes to Kim from college about what a big player she is now. Then, cut to 1995 for a serious plot twist when Terri makes out with her best friend…and it doesn't go well. In Unrelated: Don't hate the player. Hate the game. Welcome to Generation Artax. Alien overlords vs. p...

For this special Mother's Day episode, our guest is none other than…our mom! Meet Jeanne Trespicio, the woman who is responsible for, well, all of this (waves hands around vaguely). Go behind the scenes of Boomer parenting, and Jeanne's largely laissez-faire approach to: movies, TV, play dates, real dates, and taking the train to Port Authority. Plus: Kim hates meatloaf, Terri hates Kim, and littl...

How do you spell heartbreak? T-E-R-R-I. In this episode, Terri comes clean about a boy she scoped out at a spelling bee, and then later woefully mistreated, which still haunts her. Also: Kim meets an emotionally wounded boy at a bonfire. In Unrelated: Children's movies that really shouldn't have been children's movies. Like, the Last Unicorn, about a sexy horse and the prince who falls for her. We...

Let's be clear: Lori wants love in 1993, but she didn't say she wants it to be easy (which is why it's over before it's begun). Find out why Cash Cab is a true test of character. Lori goes on the wrong booze cruise, Kim nearly has a stroke, and Terri hard launches her new relationship—which, speaking of the 90s, is with a girl she went to high school with. True story. Welcome to Generation Artax. ...

We kick off this episode fresh from a colonoscopy! Then, travel back to the 90s when Terri leaves Kim old fashioned directions to the biggest party of the year, which include "turn left at the tree." Witness the dawn of the World Wide Web, Terri's awkward conversation with a boy she doesn't like, and a little body horror you definitely didn't ask for. Welcome to Generation Artax.  In this episode:...

Our parents go on a two-week sojourn to Europe and all hell breaks loose: Kim absolutely did not throw a house party or lose her virginity in her childhood bedroom. Lori gains the upper hand with Sean. Terri folds under pressure and takes Kim down with her. It's all power shifts and wild betrayals on this episode of Generation Artax.  In this episode: We're dreaming of merch, but we don't have any...

It's hard to believe that we used to call a number and then sit through a recording of every single showtime, but THIS IS WHAT OUR LIVES WERE. Also, every movie was great: Muppets Take Manhattan. Chances Are. Ghost. Need we go on. Plus: Kim tries to rebrand her seventh grade class, Lori worships Atreyu, and Terri falls in love with Peter Pan and is then confused by that. Welcome to Generation Arta...

In 1993, St. Lori was on a mission to keep boys from going down the wrong path. Oral arguments ensue. Then, Terri reads one of Lori's high school essays which is chock full of backhanded compliments about her very average and unremarkable sisters. Kim is shunned in society for enjoying life. The snacks we were raised on in the 80s. Also: Terri's Lexapro is late again and her sad is showing. Welcom...

If you ask Kim, Dominos pizza is what high school tastes like, and it hasn't changed since 1988. In this episode, we recall our favorite restaurants from days of yore: Pizza Hut, Red Lobster, and Benihana (shout out to Short Hills). Plus, Kim loses her shit when her friends take Terri's car for a joy ride; Lori eats raw garlic to ward off pests; and Terri tries to ward off boys. Then, we play a li...

This week, Terri needs to chill the fuck out, but literally can't. Also, why time is liquid and doesn't actually exist, and the time Kim's fourth grade crush called to say, "You're ugly." Facts: The meaner a boy is, the more he likes you; your nose grows faster than the rest of your face. Plus: The time Lori got a bold-ass pixie cut and Kim got a really bad perm, and when Terri thought she and her...

Say what you will, but having two boyfriends is really hard! How Kim coped with dueling loves, and what peak romance looks like at the mall. Also: Flowers smell like death; the Poltergeist movie fucks up our sense of reality, and does anyone look at Sissy Spacek and not think of Carrie? In Unrelated, a solid round of would-you-rathers. Welcome to Generation Artax. In this episode: From Justin to …...

We didn't intend for this week to be so body-focused, but there you have it. Rough hands, failed fingernails, aspirational boobs, lopsided boobs, and vaginas that look like a sleeping bear. In 1982, Terri dreams of having a smile that will knock all the guys out. We remember Colorforms, Shrinky Dinks, mom's pep talks, Kim's first paycheck, and then we do the "pencil test" live on the air. UNRELATE...

Do we look better with makeup on? Maybe. But probably we look exactly the same. In this episode of Generation Artax, we take a look at self esteem and straight-up swagger. Lori recalls a day when she rocked some serious BDE at the Home Depot, Kim is embarrassed to admit what she thinks of herself; and Terri takes the no-make up challenge and literally no one notices. That time Lori's high school m...

In this Valentine's Day episode of Generation Artax, we wax nostalgic about Hallmark Holidays of yore, including: Kim's need to be the patron saint of lollipops; why Lori wore an "I Heart Girls" pin; why Terri loves gifts as much as Lori hates them, and how Lori lived real-life drama at theater camp when she's cast opposite her ex in Phantom of the Opera. (It all works out in the end.) PLUS: Origi...

Look out everybody! It's the summer of 1988, and  the Trespicio girls are about to hit the… driveway to lay out. Then, take an olfactory journey back to the 80s and resurrect the sweet, sweet scents of: Hawaiian Tropic, Prell, Salon Selectives. Also: Kim's not allowed to go on a date, and Terri waxes poetic in 4th grade. In Unrelated: Something you find embarrassing that no one else does. Welcome...

In this episode of Generation Artax, we ask the question, what does it all mean? Kim hoards memories. 10-year old Terri has an existential moment in the shower, and Lori believes she was smarter in another life. We discuss past lives, 80s fashion, trashy eyeliner, and how outer space is basically Tower of Terror on steroids. In Unrelated, what thing do other people wish for that you would never, e...

In this episode of Generation Artax, we revisit…the mall in the 90s. We cover making out in public and private with boys who weren't that hot after all. The school dance juggernaut that was Stairway To Heaven. And Lori pulls a Brenda from 90210 and leaves her boyfriend in the care of her best friend who's a model in the great boyfriend swap of '93. Welcome to generation artax. The sheer analog joy...