Geek Accident

Earth's mightiest heroes and a couple regular people who fight pretty good must come together more or less against their own wishes and learn to fight as a team if they are going to stop the mischievous Loki and his alien army from enslaving humanity, which, honestly, we probably kind of deserve and would keep us in check.

The powerful but arrogant but also insanely dreamy god Thor is cast out of Asgard because he's kind of got, like, a Tony Stark ego thing going on, and is made to live amongst the stupid ass humans of Midgard (Earth), where he soon becomes one of their finest defenders because he learns a valuable lesson about sharing and friends and not being a conceited jackass.

Marc & Steven must find way to both claim the title of "daddy" as supernatural threats and a couple of bullets attempt to stop them. Eventually the bullets do the trick, and the twins wake up in a mental hospital and then some more shit kinda happens, and then there's a hippo.

Bruce Banner, a fart on the run from the U.S. fart, must find a fart for the fart he turns into whenever he loses his fart. Also, editor's note: HIS HEART RATE HAS NEVER HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT!! GAWDDAMN YOU, EDWARD NORTON!!

With Marc and Stephen fighting for the role of "daddy", they and Layla navigate Cairo to find Harrow. Meanwhile Khonshu summons a council of his fellow gods, which doesn't go well because they turn him into an action figure or something...

With the world now aware of his identity as Iron Man because he said it out loud at a press conference that was apparently broadcast live in Russia, Tony Stark must contend with both his declining health and a vengeful mad man with ties to his father's legacy and also very gross feet.

With little time to react to a whole bunch of shit he completely sleeps through, Steven is thrust into a war of the gods as a mysterious and sizzling chiseled partner arrives. And also i think Layla's there too.

After bragging about having an incestuous threesome with the twins from the cover of December's Maxim magazine, billionaire is abducted by a different version of the Ten Rings that we learn about in 2023. While being held captive in an Afghan cave, he creates a unique weaponized suit of armor to fight evil, emerging from the cave like a beautiful butterfly to unleash his ego upon the entire world.

armed with the social awkwardness of michael cera and the inept charm of Hugh Grant, "gift shop-ist" Steven Grant learns that he may share a body with a ruthless mercenary that looks remarkably like himself. weird.

Carol Danvers (portrayed by a horribly miscast actress) becomes one of the universe's most powerful heroes, and therefore doesn't need any help almost 30 years later, when Earth is caught in the middle of a galactic war between two alien races. we don't know who the bad guy is until a reveal that kind of makes the whole movie pointless.

Steve Rogers, a walking skeleton who's rejected several times from the military, transforms into Captain America after taking a dose of a "Super-Soldier serum". But being Captain America comes at a price as he attempts to take down a warmonger, a terrorist organization, and several clones of Slipknot's dj, all while having, like...the greatest body ever.

Two potheads wake up after a night of partying and pudding and panties and cannot remember that they parked their car right across the fucking street.

When same one of the four idiots is kidnapped by an angry gangster, the Wolf Pack must track down Mr. Chow, easily one of THE most annoying characters in cinematic history, who has escaped from prison in a shockingly gnarly action sequence and is on the run.

Two years after the bachelor party in Las Vegas, the same four fuckin' idiots jet to Thailand for Stu's wedding. Stu's plan for a subdued pre-wedding brunch, however, goes seriously awry because Alan does he same stupid shit, and the same stupid shenanigans ensue, and a cellist ruins his life, and even though it's a rehash of the first movie it's still super funny.

Three buddies wake up from a bachelor party in Las Vegas, with no memory of the previous night because one of them was stupid enough to drug them, including himself. with the bachelor missing because his character is a no-nonsense type that wouldn't mesh with his inept groomsmen, the others make their way around the city in order to find their friend before his wedding, which they conveniently do.

A grifter who smokes way too much works his way up from low-ranking carnival worker with a nice ass to lauded psychic medium with a nice ass matches wits with a psychiatrist who ALSO has a nice ass who's bent on exposing him.

John McClane has zero business being in Russia but but barrels in headfirst anyway to "help" out his seemingly wayward son, Jack, only to discover that Jack is a CIA operative working undercover, causing the father and son to team up against underworld forces, even though John was never involved in the planning process and almost ruined years worth progress by being fucking stupid.

John McClane and a young hacker played by an actor who for some reason actually got famous join forces to take down master cyber-terrorist and incredibly sexy Thomas Gabriel in Washington D.C. before they realize this franchise has lost all credibility.

John McClane and a Harlem store owner/motherfucker of sorts are targeted by German terrorist Simon in New York City, where he plans to rob the Federal Reserve Building because his former brother got a big ass lump of coal for christmas a few years prior.

John McClane has no real effect on the movie as he tries to avert disaster as rogue military operatives seize control of Dulles International Airport in Washington, D.C. while characters from the first movie are shoehorned in for no actual purpose.

"An NYPD officer tries to save his wife and several others taken hostage by German terrorists during a Christmas party at the Nakatomi Plaza in Los Angeles." genghis khan likes crunch bars. and it's the best christmas movie of all time, fucking fight us, we dare you.