Fun Box Monster Podcast

Take it from me. Parents just don't understand. That's the core message of this week's movie. You have seen it a million times, you've watched the six hour documentary. Why do you want to listen to us talk about it? Actually...I'm not sure. We bring nothing new to the conversation, and basically talk about how great it is for an hour forty. Yikes. 

New Detroit has a cancer. That cancer is crime. When OCP Police officer Alex Murphy falls in with a group of super-science crocodiles, they convince him to don the mantle of RoboCroc to instill fear in the superstitious and cowardly lots of Detroit's famous crime alley. When his parents, also crocodiles for some reason, are shot by trophy hunters he retires to Florida to reconsider his life decisi...

Here I am again. Writing a description for a movie that was not exactly what I had hoped. Yes. I knew Jess Franco was involved. I had no idea that this would be like a two hour episode of Speed Racer with nudity and decapitations. That said...maybe you don't need to watch this one and you can just listen to the episode. 

What can you say about this movie that hasn't already been said. Nothing happens, and it is very, very boring. If you like really complainy podcasts that are super negative, this might just be your thing. So put on a novelty Jello mold hat, some acid smashed denim, and join Matt and Tristan as they complain for an hour about the biggest waste of Bill Mosley ever filmed, Silent Night Deadly Night 3...

I don't know what to say about this movie. If there was a single moment of this thing that wasn't dedicated to incriminating some random character it might be a movie. But it is, instead, a collection of scenes of people doing bizarre and threatening things to prove that they are capable of murder, capped off with an ending that simply makes no sense. Somehow what should have been a by-the-numbers...

I know we were all hoping for a movie about a haunted desk lamp, but stick with me. This is about an evil Djinn who, unlike The Wishmaster, doesn't care about puns or irony. Honestly it's kind of a relief. His murder spree is fully quip-free. His only real negative is that he's a five hundred pound pile of latex that needs to be carted around to chase our teens.  Join Matt and Tristan as they disc...

Do you like movies with vexing edits, word-salad dialogue, and zero character motivations? Do you like your comedies to have scenes that Texas Chainsaw Massacre would have been too squeamish to include? Do you like your nudie movies tinged with infanticide? You are in luck. The American Scream is all this and so much more. Join Matt and Tristan as they don the inexplicable clown suit of film that...

When the Warlock comes to town, the magic is contagious! ...is the tagline I would have used if this was a production of Warlock The Armageddon on Ice. I was shot down multiple times, but if you have twenty-five million dollars and an ice rink, I have a great project for you.  We all know the old story. Collect five gems, and the devil will arise and wreak havoc on earth. Basically the same plot a...

On a very special episode of Scanner Cop The Legendary Journeys, Scanner Cop reunites with his mother and has to confront his old friend Carl about a long ago dust up that threatens to uproot his budding romance with the head nurse of Scanner Hospital, Red Haired Lady who's name I can't remember. Also, just the plot of NBC's Heroes but with Scanners, and like fifteen years before Heroes.  So join...

Just when you thought the Amityville movies couldn't fit any more D, here comes Amityville 3-D to rub your face in your despicable naivety. You know the story, but this time in addition to the extra D, this we get Meg Ryan and Aunt Becky wandering around, plus a sad divorced couple! If you think that's exciting, hold on to your seats for the plumbing issues in the upstairs bathroom sink. Also, a g...

When the ickiest man in all of Long Island moves into everyone's favorite murder house with his family, he continues to be icky. When his horrible son shows up, he's horrible. The men of this family are so horrible and icky it's hard to see events unfolding any differently in a non-haunted house. But with the haunting it adds flies and some pretty sweet demon makeup which helps to make you forget...

Norman is feeling much better after his "incident" a few years back, so the federal, state and city courts, lawyers, and police drop everything they are doing to make sure that Norman gets back to his old life as quickly as possible. They get him a part time job, they've hired a manger to keep his family motel running. His psychiatrist visits him once a day at minimum. The roads and bridges in thi...

If you thought you knew Psycho Cop...think again. He's back with a whole new image for the nineties! He's rollerblading to the local store to pick up a six-pack of Zima to wash down his Bigfoot Pizza while watching all new episodes of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. It was made in the nineties is what I'm getting at. Other than that, it's your same old buddy PC, killing folks for increasingly oblique cri...

Psycho Cop is the story of...honestly who cares. He's a psycho cop and kills people.    

We're talking about the Freddy meets Rambo mash-em-up Night Wars. Or Nightwars. 

This week on the Fun Box Monster Podcast: That lady from Raiders of the Lost Ark does battle with a murderous screensaver. Things to be scared of: CAT Scan machines, Computers, Microwaves & Microwave Dinners, The Internet, Strangers, Dishwashers, and Misused 90's Hip-hop Jargon. Join Matt at Tristan for the best horror movie based on a Police album since Wes Craven's Zenyatta Mondatta. 

We bid a tearful farewell to the Phantasm franchise. Does this answer everything and fill every plot hole? Of course it does. 

For real. This is the episode where we explain everything. All of the Phantasm movies make sense now. 

Three times the Phantasm. Phantasm Summer Continues!

Following the tried and true eighties sequel tradition of taking a successful, well made horror movie and Rambofying it by at least three hundred percent, Phantasm 2 is a Jolt Cola fueled pile of confusing and amazing banana-pants nonsense.  I declare that a new law, (The Phantasm 2 Accord) states that any movies made with weapons should be forced to double the number of barrels or stabbing implem...

You play a good game BOOOOOOOYYYYY, but the game is finished. You die. What was the game the boy was playing? Where does this tall guy come from? Who does Mike think he is whipping dirt-bike shiddies in a cemetery? Who is the old lady? What's with all the other random ladies? Why an ice cream truck? So the teleportation device is just a tuning fork? Why are they waiting so long to drop the little...

Probably the best wacky comedy-slasher-lifetime drama to feature a caveman killing tens of campers with death-traps I've ever seen. 

Alright new meat. I'm only gonna say this once. You're in the hoosegow now. Your mommy isn't here. Except for you Tommy. Tommy's mommy works in the office as the prison accountant. Her name's Dina and she's a real caution. But everyone else, your mommy's aren't here. So sit down and listen to this here podcast and everything will go as smooth as a pint of grandma's old fashioned Alabama corn-smoth...

When FANGORIA reader Michael is told of a mythic video game advertised as the ultimate in psychological horror in the back of a  FANGORIA MAGAZINE, he's knows he's got to play it. Turns out the game is killing people in real life. Undeterred he keeps playing. He's visited by a virtual reality demon who looks like a punk Ronnie James Dio, and he remains unfazed. Anyway, the movie got great reviews...

Uggh. Remember the nineties, when there was no internet porn, so you had to use a seventeen million dollar defense department computer to transform your house into a companion robot? Who's got time for that? When the designer of a boondoggle of a missile defense system accidentally kills three innocent people in a civilian plane during a live fire demonstration he goes bonkers, moves into a cabin...