Freedom from Attachment

Self-responsibility and self-care are critical to increasing your value. What is self-responsibility? Being responsible for ALL of your words, actions, choices and reactions. People often want to blame outside events and other people, but that makes you a victim. To be valued is to be fulfilled… to be your own best friend. If you take responsibility for yourself, you have power and authority in yo...

You blame the Universe/God/whatever for what goes wrong in your life, believing you are constantly being punished for not doing things perfectly. Other people are rewarded with what they want, while some force seems to work against you. You hold out hope that one day the Universe will come through for you while simultaneously expecting disappointment. Where the hell did this belief come from? If y...

Some people think the best place to solve relationship issues is in bed. It feels intimate—a way to connect—but afterwards, are you really any closer? And do you ever find yourself picking fights with the goal of getting to make-up sex because it temporarily relieves your fear of abandonment? When sex is used as a way to manipulate others into sticking around, it’s not a path to emotional intimacy...

People always want to know if they should leave their job or their relationship or whatever situation they are unhappy with. Shouldn’t they cut their losses? Isn’t it better to chase the next bright shiny object? The problem is, when people DO make that change, they tend to repeat the same pattern in their next job or next relationship, and they become increasingly frustrated that nothing ever cha...

Growing up, Kirsten struggled with disordered eating and body image. Although she didn't see the connection at the time, she later realized how much her family environment impacted her relationship with food. Her mom was a chronic dieter who talked negatively about her own body, and most of her extended family was diet-focused, so Kirsten picked up on those cues. In college she studied nutrition b...

Some people equate numbness with happiness. As long as nothing is poking at you screaming for your attention, you think all is right with the world, and you work hard to maintain this state. But when something triggers you, you can’t handle being out of control, so you scramble to get back to that safe space you THINK is happiness. Nope, it’s numbness, and it’s not where you want to live. Many peo...

Attachment and care are two different things, and mistaking one for the other can lead to chronic disappointment. When you have expectations about what someone should do, or how they should treat you to show you they care, your happiness is dependent on a fantasy. Are you afraid that if you don’t get what you want, your world will end? Focusing on what your partner does wrong and/or hoping you’ll...

For many people who are stuck, pain is what drives them to seek change. It could be a toxic relationship or yet another holiday spent alone. Maybe it’s wanting to finally escape not feeling good enough. But when anger and frustration are your only motivators, change isn’t very effective… and it doesn’t last. Especially if you’re changing yourself just to get someone else to change. Instead, you ne...

Most of us have periods in our lives where it feels like everything is a shit show. You feel like the universe is conspiring against you and no one is on your team. Even when people do try to help by offering advice, it annoys the crap out of you. Then, on top of it all, you feel wrong in your feelings because you think you should be able to rise above it. Society says to buck up and be positive!...

Majo Molfino is the daughter of immigrants who grew up as a “good girl,” getting good grades and following the rules. After graduating from college, she got a grown-up cubicle job as one is expected to do, but something immediately felt off. She looked at herself in the mirror and felt like she was wearing a costume. For the first time Majo questioned what she was put on this planet to do. And the...

Loyalty. What does that mean to you? And where did you learn it? As a kid, if you were around adults (particularly your caregivers) who lied, cheated, and/or treated others as disposable, you may have never learned what loyalty really is. As a result, you may have spent your adult life looking for greener pastures, or trying to determine when to cut bait because you don’t know how long the relatio...

How do you communicate with an avoidant? And how do you determine if they are a narcissist, pathological liar, or have some other “malady”? I get questions like this a lot. People want strategies for dealing with partners they are quick to label. Here is the short answer: There is no special language for communicating with avoidants, and it is not your job to diagnose people. If you don’t believe...

You can’t take it anymore. You are stuck in a toxic relationship and you want the pain to stop. You want out. But instead of taking some sort of action… you do nothing. Resistance kicks in and your whole body says, “nope!” So you stay in your own personal hell, afraid of losing what you have, even though what you have is so far away from what you want. Why? Because it’s familiar. Because breadcrum...

Megan Huber grew up in a small, rural North Carolina town with a teacher for a mom. The classroom was what she knew, so when she graduated from college with no clue about what she wanted to do, she accepted her mom’s offer to pay for a Master’s degree in teaching. That landed her as a teacher in her hometown high school right alongside her mom. Although teaching resonated with her on some level, i...

Passive aggressiveness is an indirect resistance to the demands of others, and an avoidance of direct confrontation (i.e., procrastinating, pouting, gossiping, etc.). Let’s say you hire someone and they don’t work out, but instead of having a difficult conversation about their performance, you make yourself unavailable. You don’t reply to emails and are always busy when they call. Maybe you even t...

Do you need to be needed by someone, believing you’re the only one who understands them? “Let me help! Call anytime… I’m always here for you.” You over-volunteer to the point of making yourself feel small and insignificant, and believe it’s the only way to keep people in your life. There is a scorecard in your head as you wait for recognition or reciprocity that never comes. And at the same time,...

Yes, there is good in all of us. But that doesn’t mean you should ignore red flags in a relationship because you want to see the good in people. And it certainly doesn’t mean it’s your job to make those red flags go away; to shine that diamond in the rough! When you tell yourself what an amazing person you are for seeing the good in someone, that’s your ego talking. It’s the false part of yourself...

You wish you could be calm, cool and collected. Other people seem to do it—they can pull off being mysterious while your facial expressions always give you away. You feel like the weird emotional one, trying to tame whatever is brewing inside while everyone else stays calmly in control. You’re afraid if anyone knew how you really felt, they would judge you. But following the rules of what other pe...

How much time do you spend complaining about problems and/or fixing them? You finally join the country club, but you can never get the tee-time you want, the food is bland and all the members are annoying. Or you criticize your co-worker for doing a project “wrong,” then take it over and do it yourself because no one can measure up to you. This, my friends, is classic avoidance. When your focus is...

“Entrepreneurship and starting your own business is just one big personal development game.” Scout Sobel is a trailblazer in the media industry. She is the founder of Scout’s Agency, the co-host of Okay Sis Podcast, and the host of SCOUT Podcast. But growing up, she suffered from emotional paralysis, experiencing her first bout of anxiety in kindergarten. A depressive episode in high school led to...

It’s hard to be grateful for misfortune, and the suffering that results. It’s much easier to wallow in “Why me? Poor me!” than to look for the gift. The truth is, you can find gratitude in every situation. It’s being thankful for some aspect of every situation rather than only focusing on the negative. When you surrender to reality and look for the blessing, you arrive at gratitude. It’s expansive...

You consider yourself a strong person. When a challenge presents itself, you tackle it head-on. People come to you for answers because you always seem to have them. You pick others up when they fall. You’re reliable and trustworthy. But to be that pillar of strength, you push your emotions aside because you can’t be someone else’s hero if they see a crack in your armor. And therein lies the proble...

Born of a spiritual-seeking mother and knowledge-seeking father, Laurie Gerber grew up fascinated by the human experience and what makes people tick. She became an educational consultant who matched students with tutors, but realized she was less interested in helping students achieve academic success than she was in helping them deal with their suffering. To better define her goals and excel in h...

What happened to your dreams? Did you give up on them? Or are you still waiting for them to happen, hoping that “someday” is right around the corner? Maybe what you wanted did show up, but it didn’t fulfill you. The thing about dreams is, they don’t always show up how and when you expect them to, and they don’t just fall in your lap. They require a combination of surrender and action. But not just...

Do you get exceptionally angry when a restaurant server gets your order wrong, or when plans change at the last minute, or when customer service won’t fix your problem? We’re not talking mild frustration (those situations can be annoying!), but rather deep seated anger that is triggered into an explosion. Perhaps you yell at the other person, blaming them for what you’re unhappy with. Or maybe you...