Free Legal Advice

Right at the start of this episode, Ben tries to bully me into giving away its secrets in the title. He wants me to tell you what it's about! The nerve of that guy. Well, I've showed him: I've obfuscated the real answer within a Kids in the Hall reference! Oh wait, he knows Kids in the Hall references... ah, what the hell, the episode is about rich people owning hermits. There you go. Hermitage. H...

André Giant, André THE Giant, A. the G., Godlike Fartmachine, whatever you know him as, he's a legend, and today we learn all the pertinent and IMpertinent facts about this enormous Frenchman.

The year: 1905. "Annus mirabilis", the "miracle year". Albert Einstein arrives at the Prussian Academy of Sciences, where the most iconoclastic and forward-thinking minds the world had ever seen have gathered to hear discussed ideas that would change the world to a greater extent than even they could possibly imagine. A hush falls over the crowd as he takes his short, hunched, slightly off-balance...

Foosball was just a trick pulled on us by its inventor. It's actually an anagram for "ONLY FOOLS DO BATTLE". It was staring us in the face this whole time, but we were too blind to see it. To know what exactly this trick was all about, listen to today's episode.

The late 19th and early 20th centuries were a time when college football worked very differently. A time when the teams might not even be lining up to play a game of football, as it turns out. It might be a different sport entirely. It was a time when football might not have been football.

The Cannonball Run is not just a movie. Well, I guess maybe you didn't even know that it was a movie. So FYI, The Cannonball Run is a movie. Okay, now, The Cannonball Run is not just a movie. It was an actual thing that actual people actually did, complete with actual crimes. Also, people can now drive as fast as they want. QED.

This episode presupposes the existence of a universe in which a student, somewhere, may not have read a book in its entirety before handing in a report on it. I know that's impossible and just plain silly, but just try to suspend your disbelief, if only for today.

Whom among us could say they've never thought that some little rat kid was excruciatingly annoying? Well, the people who manufactured toys decades ago not only seemed to feel that way about every single kid alive, but they actively took matters into their own hands. They say it's good to be proactive, right?

This week, we're finally going to address the elephant in the room: Anime. Specifically, the classic 90s series titled, "Help! My Room Became an Elephant and Now Must Do Battle!!!!" I know it doesn't sound like it, but it's mostly about the elephant's wildly disproportional breasts.

Good news and bad news: The good news is that we have discovered all the secret techniques that the saboteurs are using to grind our operations to a halt. The bad news is that it's everything your boss does, every single day, and there's no possible way to stop them. This information actually seems useless to you, now that I think about it. Well, forget I said anything.

If you're reading this, you fucked up. No reasonable series of life choices could have possibly led you to listen to this podcast, let alone to be reading one of the episode descriptions. Lucky for you, though, this episode offers you a second chance at life. With the power of hindsight, you'll be able to get in on the ground floor of that pyramid scheme. Your only problem was that you didn't buy...

Chronovoyaging, also known in some circles as "time travel" is not all it's cracked up to be. It's mostly because of the smell. There are other reasons, but honestly, the smell is enough.

With the Nazis occupying your hometown, you probably feel powerless in the face of their brutal repression. However, you might be surprised to learn just how much can be accomplished with what you have lying around the house. Seriously, you're going to be extremely surprised.

We're doing something brand new this week: One by one, we're going to go through all of the biggest sports topics of the day, and we're going to argue about them. This is a completely unprecedented format, so it will not in any way resemble anything you've ever seen before. It doesn't seem like a very good idea, though, so I doubt it'll catch on elsewhere.

I say let 'em. They've broken enough bones and sustained enough concussions to have more life experience than the rest of us put together. Who better to write a movie than stuntmen? And as long as they're writing it, they might as well direct it. It's basically just yelling "Action!" into a megaphone, right? How hard could it be?

We've done lots of episodes where, either directly or indirectly, we make fun of stupid corporate bullshit. Never before, however, have we focused on what is probably the worst thing that corporate bullshit creates: Stupid, insufferable names for things. Well, we're testing the limits of the word "insufferable" this week, because this episode is all about those kinds of names. Plug your ears if yo...

I wanted to call this episode "Climbing the Mortal Kombat Ladder of Grandmas", but even I thought that was too obscure for an episode title. ME. The guy who brought you such episode titles as "It's All in the Hat", "There's No Saws Like Chainsaws", and "It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's The Prime Minister of Italy!" I have no idea what any of those episodes are about. But this was too much even for...

Sure, titles are great. We all love titles, no one's arguing that point. But as wonderful as they obviously all are, I think it's pretty clear that subtitles are actually where it's at. Now, before you have me pulled apart by wild horses, let me explain myself. Titles give you the big picture, but SUBtitles cut right to the fucking bone. "The Fast and the Furious" lets you know about the speed and...

It's time once again for the greatest FLAPers and aspiring FLAPees to gather at their yearly... gathering, The FLAPfest Tech and Burrito Summit. This isn't your father's convention, no sir. This convention, unlike all others, features INNOVATION. That's right, the business trump card itself. As long as we are innovating no one can touch us, which means they can't legally throw us out of this cemet...

This week we explain Reddit. It mostly involves porn and scams. But, to be fair, that's pretty much the entire internet, anyway.

Most late night talk shows have a new episode every single day. We've gone in a different direction. But we've got a great show for you tonight, folks! That's all that really matters.

Little Captain Travis, I've got some advice for you: Inject it into your veins. Inject what, you ask? Anything. Literally, anything, no matter what. Even if you don't know the possible side-effects. Even if you DO know the possible side effects. Just do it, because there's at least a tiny chance that if you do, you'll get fucking jacked.

Today on the Free Legal Advice Podcast, we're taking a trip through the wonderful world of grammar! We'll be diagramming sentences, discussing proper usage, and taking a look at some HILARIOUS grammar fails! Actually, we'll be doing none of that. Instead, it's Drillbit Liberty IS: The Adjective Noun Verb-er! Only in theaters. And also this podcast feed.

It's summer time, and you know what that means: An examination of Summer Stuff from the FLAP Boys! Well, actually it's only ever meant that once, and it's right now. We did do an episode about summer during the winter once, but that, too, was a one-time occurrence. You can always count on the FLAP Boys to not be predictable.

Riding a bike is not impressive. Anyone can do it. Oh, but you rode it faster than anyone else? Who cares? Children ride bikes every single day and no one gives them awards, and most of them do it without blood doping. These Tour de France losers are a bunch of wimps, and they dedicated their entire lives to something dumb. Anyway, we spend the entire episode talking about that dumb thing this wee...