Football Ramble

Who predicted Chelsea vs Wolves would be the barn barner of the weekend? Marcus, Andy, Vish and Pete revel in what turned out to be a very enjoyable trip to Wolverhampton for Noni Madueke. Elsewhere, Marcus comes to the realisation that Enzo Maresca could be the right man for Chelsea and Erik ten Hag is embarrassed by some seagulls in Brighton. Oh, and Amanda Staveley wants to buy a stake in Totte...

Only one of the 17 surviving Premier League clubs from last season hasn’t increased their ticket prices – and some of those clubs have hiked prices or even completely binned concession tickets for children. Marcus, Luke and Andy tackle one of the most burning issues in the Premier League right now. Plus, what’s the biggest false dawn in football? Would it be better if transfers were just revealed...

Roll up, roll up, the Man United Circus is coming to town! Grab your trapeze and juggling balls, Marcus, Luke and Andy are here to preview the weekend's football. Speaking of circuses, Performing monkey Luke questions whether Chelsea's 2-0 first-leg lead is enough for the return trip to Servette. Elsewhere, we get excited for a tasty tea-time treat as Arsenal travel to Aston Villa and Ringmaster M...

Marcus, Luke and Pete check in with the transfer merry-go-round as players are flung off it left and right. Various Crystal Palace defenders head for the door, while Ivan Toney’s definitely leaving Brentford - doesn’t even matter where he ends up, nobody knows anyway. Elsewhere, Aaron Ramsdale tries to avoid repeating the exact situation he’s in right now and we get more info on Jürgen Klinsmann’s...

Lars is on the pod! Lars is on the pod! Just like João Félix at Chelsea Lars Sivertsen has returned and he joins Marcus and Pete on today’s Ramble. Lars makes a strong start as he instantly labels Chelsea’s transfer policy as “mental”. Elsewhere Pete speculates on the colour of Jamie Vardy’s guts and Lars digs out his rulebook after we hear about a player in Peru who got sent off because he took a...

Jamie Vardy, oh how we have missed you! On this edition of Ramble Reacts, Marcus and Luke gush over an absolutely vintage display from Vardy, featuring a Red Bull and some unbelievable s**thousery. Elsewhere, Marcus backs Leicester to stay in the Premier League and Luke reminds us that Oliver Skipp is only 23. Get involved. Find us on  Twitter ,  Instagram ,  TikTok  and ...

It’s the first weekend and we’ve already had a referee apology, a broken VAR monitor and a dubious headbutt. Oh, how we've missed you, Big Daddy Premier League. Today, Pete tells Marcus and Luke that the Premier League should introduce a silly sausage card. Plus, Marcus has to come to terms with the fact that Raheem Sterling could be leaving Chelsea and we hear about some fabulous shithousery in H...

The new season's underway, so it's time to tackle some more questions about our dear old Barclays! Marcus, Luke and Vish wonder if the abundance of established top-flight sides might make for a competitive Premier League this year - but also decide on who's going to have the most boringly predictable mid-table season. Plus, Marcus has plans to make Fulham's new kit launch a bit more sexy and we wo...

The Barclays is BACK! Pete, Vish and Luke welcome the return of our favourite ostentatious marketing exercise by deciding who will celebrate a goal this weekend with a tribute to that Turkish Olympic shooter. Don’t worry though, there’s plenty to look forward to this season. We’ve got Andrew Tate hosting Match of the Day’s Brat summer, Erik ten Hag frantically spinning some expensive plates and Ip...

That’s right, we’re mixing it up this year. Instead of only revealing our embarrassing predictions at the end of the Premier League like usual, we’re revealing them before the season even kicks off! Marcus, Luke and Vish are here to run through their predictions for what’s shaping up to be a proper tasty Barclays bonanza. Can anyone stop Man City? Who’s going down? Will Enzo Maresca outlast Nuno E...

Today is the final episode of the Football Ramble. Sadly, Zlatan Ibrahimovic has overhead kicked us into court. Pete, Luke and Vish provide your midweek musings as the Premier League charges towards us. The cat gets revenge on Kurt Zouma, Conor Gallagher finally finds somewhere to sit, and Pete tries to release Paul Dummett into the wild… but he gets eaten by an eagle.  And finally, of course...

Wondering what our live show at the London Palladium in September will be like? Well, here’s a sneak preview of what to expect! Back in 2019, we took the Ramble on the road in the UK and North America and played in theatres everywhere. So, before our biggest ever live show to date, we went back into the archives to share some of our favourite on-stage moments. If you like what you hear, then don’t...

Managers dodging handshakes, penalties getting skied over bars, blokes wearing shirts with very specific messages for pedos, and Pete making inappropriate jokes about Luke. You know what that means? Football is back! Marcus, Vish, Luke and Pete revel in Portsmouth’s barn-burning return to the Championship, while Andre Onana gives us a taste of his masterplan for the season ahead. Meanwhile, Matthj...

The transfer window has been prettyyyy quiet – which has got one listener thinking: when was the last time a good old marquee signing really transformed a club's fortunes?  After 20 years of constant shithousery, how can Pepe possibly be reintegrated back into ordinary society? What will he do? Which little bald chap did Marcus admire as a kid? And is Positive Pete here to stay? All answered...

The world’s biggest super friendly – aka the Community Shield – is here and Kevin De Bruyne has grown a man bun to celebrate the occasion. Marcus, Jim and Pete, on the other hand, are celebrating the occasion by spreading Luke Shaw conspiracy theories. Elsewhere, Marcus and Pete question whether Jim is a pickpocket working for Mikel Arteta and we pay tribute to the great Pepe after his retirement....

Have you been wondering how on earth Atlético Madrid can afford Julián Álvarez? Then you're in the right place. Today on our sister show On The Continent, Dotun Adebayo, Andy Brassell and Lars Sivertsen explain everything you need to know about this potential deal and discuss how Álvarez could become the new Antoine Griezmann. Elsewhere, reports say that Borussia Dortmund...

Julián Álvarez looks set to leave Man City for 81.5 million big ones! He’ll be gutted to leave Man City without winning the Carabao though. Marcus is back and he’s joined by Pete, Luke and Jim to celebrate the arrival of Emile Smith Rowe at Craven Cottage. Elsewhere, some Champions League VAR officials have been arrested for stealing a road sign and Gary Neville spent his weekend DJing at a festiv...

Olympic football has reached the semi-final stages! But never mind that, have you been watching the swimming and the shooting? Today, Pete, Jim, Andy and Vish are here to discuss all the latest news, including an incredible Jürgen Klopp lookalike, a Newcastle fan that was inspired by Alan Pardew, and RCD Mallorca’s pre-season tour of the Midlands and North of England. Plus, a manager in Scotland h...

We’ve answered more than 100 of your questions since kicking off the Mailbag last season. Today, we’re sharing some of our favourites! From the moral mazes of modern football and Jürgen Klopp’s legacy, to who we’d pick to take a penalty and which European food we’d take into battle, we’ve had a bit of everything. So sit back and enjoy as Luke rummages through the best of the Football Ramble Mailba...

The Premier League season is fast approaching and Luke, Jim, Vish and Andy have worked out how Arsenal can finally get to Man City and win the league… Hire Zlatan Ibrahimović in the Jason Tindall role. Today, we hear how Zlatan’s beef with Pep Guardiola is still raging on in 2024. Elsewhere, news has broken that West Ham might be signing a new forward for the 56th time under their current ownershi...

Today, we're bringing you a special teaser of what you can expect every week on the Football Ramble Patreon. For just $5 a month, you'll get an extended version of every Wednesday episode of the Ramble, which features 20 minutes of Ramble Uncut! Think spicy takes you won't get on the main show, correspondence from other Patreon subscribers, behind-the-scenes news and regular updates from Matt Le T...

Bad news, everyone: the Amazon seller who sold Pete a durian for us to try today had to cancel the order due to “supply chain issues.” More news as we get it. That leaves Pete, Luke and Jim with plenty of time to tuck into some other breaking news: Mick McCarthy and Roy Keane’s debuts in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Plus, Arsenal sign Italian defending dreamboat Riccardo Calafiori, Conor Gallagh...

Need some good old-fashioned espionage sorting out, but don’t have access to a drone or a two-way mirror? Pete Donaldson is now available for hire! He’s joined by Luke and Jim in a suspicious room full of cameras and microphones to talk about pre-season happenings and fresh outcry about the possibility of Premier League matches overseas. Meanwhile, there are fishcake protests in Norway and – at lo...

The finale is here! And Pete brings perhaps the best episode of the lot for you today. We pick things up at the start of April, where barns were burning everywhere, Nottingham Forest’s X admin was setting fire to bridges everywhere, and the Premier League approached its exciting conclusion. And don’t forget some memorable s**thousery overseas – from suspicious activity in Hungary’s U14s league, to...

In case anyone is unsure, Sean Connery is in fact no longer with us. Are you paying attention Vish? Pete’s back with another collection of the best moments from the 23/34 season. Today, we head into 2024 and revisit Jurgen Klopp announcing he was leaving Liverpool, Neil Warnock joining Aberdeen, and the time Sunderland slagged off one of their club legends. Oh and yes… Vish forgot Sean Connery had...