Flying Free

It took you years, decades maybe, to understand what you were going through.  It’s no wonder your kids don’t recognize emotional abuse for what it is.  Especially because they’re wired to trust their dad. They’re wired to need his love.  So they still call him good, loving even. They still think you and their dad should be together. You know better.  And it’s agony. What now? In this episode: Why...

As the year ends, the darkness grows. Minute by minute.  Just before Christmas is the longest night of the year.  The holidays are celebrations of love and generosity and joy. But they're also bleak and painful to many — like women going through separation and divorce.  So how do you cling to the hope of coming light in your blackest hours? How do you live with the dark as you wait for the dawn? H...

If you’re like me, you were set up for your abusive marriage in the name of love.  You thought people were teaching you godly womanhood and wisdom.  You thought following the rules meant you’d experience bliss and peace in marriage.  You thought you were honoring God by letting people harm you. But you were really just betraying yourself and holding the doors open for your own destruction. So if y...

Do you wonder why you feel so angry and defeated about the way your husband treats you?  It's not cause you were a closet rage monster before you got married. It's not cause you're crazy or demanding or that you just love drama. He’s been stomping in your flower beds.  And YOU’VE been told that you had to leave the garden gate open in order to be a good wife and a good Christian.  If you’ve been w...

The holidays can make the hard things harder. The sad things, sadder. The family fights and frustrations and fractures, bigger and deeper and wider.  They often remind you of all you’ve lost and all you never had. Especially in relationships.  Maybe they used to be a time of excitement and joy, but now you only feel dread and loneliness and grief.  If you find yourself wishing you could sleep unti...

“I’ll never heal.” Has that thought crossed your mind? There’s too much pain. Too much trauma stored in your body. Too many horrible memories trapped in your mind. It’s an ocean to cross, and you’re just treading water. You need deep internal healing. So how do you plunge into the depths of your most profound anguish productively and safely? With help from compassionate, well-learned people who’ve...

Imagine carrying around a backpack full of books from high school. You aren’t taking those classes anymore, but you always carry the weight anyway . It digs into your shoulders. It makes you tired. Slows you down. Doesn’t let you truly rest. It keeps others from getting close.  Abuse is like that. It teaches us a lot—lessons no one should ever learn. And lessons we don’t even realize we’re still l...

Lydia left her abusive husband. Then she came back. She found the guts to leave him again. And returned another time. In the end, it took SEVEN times for her to get free. If you've been there or if you're wondering whether you'll ever get out too, she's laying it all on the table in this episode. The BEST PART ? She's thriving. And she's no longer ashamed of her past.  In this raw look at Lydia’s...

If you're like most Christian women in confusing and painful marriages, you've tried everything . You've read the books, the blogs, the sarcastic memes, and the devotionals. You've paid for counseling, training, seminars, and conferences. You've asked for advice from other couples, your parents, your pastors, friends, and the lady in the check-out line. You've prayed and given up all the fun thing...

Do you picture yourself and your children begging on the streets if you dare to leave? Are you overwhelmed at the thought of making ends meet as a single mom? Do you wonder how you'll pay for groceries, much less legal fees, if you escape? One of the biggest fears for women in abusive marriages is that they won't survive financially. And it's a fear based on a lot of truth.  But it's not the final...

When you react to  your husband’s abuse, it can feel like you’re the abuser. When he tells you how hard his childhood was, you may feel sorry for him. When you read about personality disorders, some of the symptoms fit you. When you read about mental illness, the symptoms also fit him.  Which makes you wonder… If your husband was abused, is it really fair to hold his harmful behavior against him ?...

If your life is already a tough pill to swallow, taking more medicine is the last thing you want to do. Gross.  But what if it's the "best medicine"? The type that makes you laugh-cry, hold your sides, and snort with glee. Laughter and joy and humor can transform the darkest days, the bleakest seasons, and the hardest nights.  And no matter what you've been through, you really can experience their...

If your child was starving and asked you for bread, would you make her eat from a dumpster?  If your child was dying of thirst and asked for water, would you pour sand down his throat? Are you that child? Starving for safety. And love. And honesty. And help. And tenderness. And dying a little more each day in their absence and their opposites.  So why doesn't God treat you like a daughter? Why doe...

Getting out of an abusive marriage can seem impossible. Especially when it comes to the money aspect. As in...where will you get it? How will you reenter (or start in) the work force? How are you going to add MORE to your already overflowing plate? And those emotions. The big ones that feel like a thick sludge up to your hips or a pile of wet blankets on top of you or a deep, aching hollow in your...

It took 11 words to change the world. 11 words misinterpreted. 11 words misunderstood. 11 words manipulated.  A single sentence from the mouth of God to the first woman...Eve. A pronouncement. A prediction. A curse. Or was it? Do you know these words?  Prepare yourself. Because you’re about to learn their TRUE meaning.  It might blow. your. mind. And it will change the world...again.  Why this epi...

Was there a day when you realized he was doing it all on purpose?   After all your tears, your pleading, and explanations, there was no way you could keep excusing his behavior.  His explanations didn’t fly.  You knew you didn’t hold the blame.  Maybe he finally, actually admitted it. As painful as that realization is, it’s also your secret weapon—knowledge that can empower you. Sound crazy?  In P...

You are married to a bully. If only he'd steal your lunch money or call you a dingus during math class and be done with it. Instead, he makes everything into a torturous game with changing rules that benefit one person. Himself. On the really bad days, you want to learn karate and get featured on the evening news. Take heart, sweet potato. There's a better way.  I've graphed his sleazy points and...

The length of your marriage. You’ll never forget it. 3 years of holes in the wall. 9 years of sleepless nights. 17 years of pleading. 25 years of silence. 43 years of lowering your standards again and again and again.  While the past can't be changed, and that time is set, your recovery is NOT . It has NO LIMIT . It has NO TIMELINE .  The depth of your pain and suffering do not outweigh your abili...

Have you ever talked to people who weren't there? Imagined conversations in your head? Perfected your argument while showering or lying in bed? I did that...and made it into a podcast.  But this conversation isn't with just one person. It's with tens of thousands of people. Pastors.  Because the survivor community knows the price of patriarchy in the church. We know the cost of being controlled ....

Your marriage was like a jigsaw puzzle. A big, confusing, fragmented mess.  Once you found the "abuse" piece, everything fell into place.  But are you prepared for what happens when you leave? Cause the gloves come off and the rulebook gets tossed out the window.  From two women who've been there and who've heard countless stories of the same, here's the cheat sheet for what you need to know when...

"Till death do us part." Those words haunt you.  The enemy was supposed to be outside of your home and family. Easy to see. Protection just a prayer or a locked door away.  But the one stealing from and killing and destroying you is the one you lie beside at night. The one you promised your forever to. And he's counting on it.  You need to listen if: You're overcome with desperation to leave and c...

Why are you staying in your abusive marriage?  For many women, the price to get free seems too high. They fear destitution, losing their children, revenge by their husband, more trauma and heartache, a scarlet "D" on their chests, the legal hassle...the list goes on.  These are real, valid fears. And terribly high, but prevalent, costs. Which raise the question: Is it worth it? Amie experienced al...

If it's true that we learn from our mistakes, then I know a whole heck of a lot.  This episode, Part 2 of 2, is about the mistakes I made in church — the three main ways I lit myself on fire, with the encouragement of church leaders. All while trying to escape the inferno of an abusive marriage. Confused? Horrified? Thirsty? Then tune in. Cause it's tea time, and I'm pouring.  Check out these fire...

Put your stretchy pants on, cause this episode's a three-course dinner on what NOT to do once you realize your marriage is a hamster wheel of emotional abuse.  These three mistakes caused me greater pain, for much longer. But I didn't know then what I know now. Because when we KNOW differently, we DO differently.  And that's what Flying Free is all about. Dig in to: Unconscious messages I ingested...

Abusers are terrified. They mask their fear with rage, manipulation, false piety, and good ole-fashioned bullying.  If they're actually weak, scared babies, how are they so powerful and unchecked in churches (and in marriages)?  Because you're afraid too. And you're also really good at pretending. All while being destroyed.  It doesn't have to be this way anymore, and I can show you how...to fly f...