Fluent In Bravo

We are finally at our first Real Housewives finale in Bravo history and it's a banger. We have love triangles, diamond shopping and shitty editing and I'm here for all of it. Vicki and Jeana bid their sons farewell as they both go to college (even though I'm pretty sure Jeana has no idea where Shane is going). Lauri's dating profile is revealed to say "only red flags need apply." Slade is not foll...

Scheana ,after starting the show on the backbone of her affair with Brandi Glanville's ex, her two televised weddings, and the cameras following her music "career"', desperately wants to know when it will finally be all about her. Brock wants to namaste the hell away from Scheana during the group's meditation. Katie and Ariana interview people who want to be indefinitely unemployed working at Some...

Lauri reveals her close friendship with Hugh Hefner. So close she needs to submit pictures to get into one of his parties. Vicki dry humps her way through her 25th high school reunion and tries to chase down her pixalated ex boyfriend. Slade pulls a Dwight Schrute. Kimberly is getting medical advice from Ask Jeeves. I have a heart attack when I find out the qualifications for an American Express b...

This season aired back in 2006 so the animals of Coto de Caza are no longer with us but where was Peta? Where was Vanderpump Dogs? And also where is Rob? This episode title was like a combination of a wordle and riddle with no answer. Jeana lets us know in case we are watching this season with our eyes closed and ears covered that she doesn't believe in overparenting. Her worst work Shane gives us...

Tom Sandoval gets cancelled again. Give us all the Lala when it comes to her more self reflective state. Billie Lee thinks cold plunging is a spectator sport. We meet the infamous Jo and she needs to just go. Schwartz ends his day long sober curious journey. Between Scheana, Sandoval, Lala, Ariana and James the NFL should be drafting them on defense. It's a lot of Lisa but we end with a tear fille...

Meet Slade's new assistant Megan who gets harrassed before the age of #metoo. She walked so Ann from Vanderpump can run. Lauri's life keeps throwing her more crap, so much so that she forgets to tip her uber driver. Lake Havasu makes its Housewives debut and Michael's friends have a complaint to file with Bravo HR. And the wives finally all find themselves at the same party and at the same table.....

Episode 3 is here and brought to you by its sponsor Scheananigans with Scheana Shay. This episode is layered with some heavy stuff but we are so excited that Lisa is opening up a new restaurant in Lake Tahoe so the gang can get together #forlisa. Schwartz gets some balls for a millisecond and Scheana breaks her neck going out of her way to run into Sandoval. You know the episode is good when we en...

Botox makes its Real Housewives debut. Slade thinks Jo's face is a petting zoo. Brent is playing hard to get with Slade. Lauri stays at a hotel that requires a hazmat suit. Kimberly and her brunette friend should have been cancelled even back in 2006.

We can't stop talking about Scandoval that we are all collectively over. Ann has the worst job in all of reality tv but is master of playing the ultimate telephone game from hell. Ariana may be in love with Dan, but she is so blinded by hate for Tom that she turns down a free hotel room in lieu of becoming Valley Village Head Snitch In Charge. Pump is closing and we don't care. What we do care abo...

We learn way too much about the ecosystem of Coto de Caza #savetherabbits. Shane took a gun safety course from Alec Baldwin. Jo attends Kimberly's orientation of the Stepford Wives. Between Slade in his underwear and an eye mask and Uncle Richie hitting on barely legal girls, its too much to take in.

Season 11 of Vanderpump Rules is here and we are so over Scandoval. Ariana is an ice queen with a cinnamon stick, Katie is a vibe with fries. We play Spot The Schwartz in his plant filled apartment. Tom's assistant has the worst job ever and Southwest is getting free advertising over and over and over again. Oh, and Scheana makes it all about her.

We venture back to 2006 and meet our first Real Housewives EVER! We have flip phones, Tuscan style kitchens, soundbites for taglines and lack of glam teams. Ahhhhhh, nostalgia. We not only meet our original five housewives: Vicki, Lauri, Jo, Jeana, and Kimberly, but we also meet (and see way too much of) our first super villain and 6th housewife Slade Smiley.