Everybody Hates Rand: A Wheel of Time Podcast

In which Emily struggles to think of a single attractive man (spoiler: it's Thor), Sally promotes her mom's podcast, and we vow to never use the word "randy" again, especially if it's adjacent to Rand Al'Thor. Transcript  

Thanks for the great questions, folks! In this Q&A we spoil Game of Thrones' first season, give you the music recommendations list of the century, and talk about Robot Feelings, Shark Trollocs, and Emily's Offensive Crocodile Hunter Accent.   Transcript  

Guess who DEFINITELY remembered our own theme song? And guess who spent forty-five minutes talking about Magic Hazing, Lumberjack Energy, the Annual Hatred of Women Quota, and Emily's Best Retweet (You'll Know)? US. Transcript

A moment of silence because this series is FINALLY BEGINNING. This week we're talking about the Texas Literacy Test, Dungeon Aesthetics, Dildo Wands, Facial Bullying, and Mat's Magpie Tendencies. Transcript

This week's conversation topics include: Alexa For Emily's Grandparents, the TV Show "Monk" (But Make It Gay), Dream Therapy, Hotness Total, and Galad Damodred Has Never Had A Real Job In His Life. Transcript

While we talk about Siuan's Big Bad Mistake, we somehow end up in 16th century France. Other topics include: Hurr Durr Sexy Knife Boy, CrossFit Couple, Charlemagne's Acid Trip, and Magic Hall Passes.  Transcript

We get real deep in this one. Join us as we talk about Dumpster Fires, Robert Jordan's Romantic Attraction to Lan, Trigger-Happy Women, and Artur Hawkwing's Carrier Pigeon: Valiant. Transcript

The heist just keeps getting bigger. This week we're talking about Perrinland, Jar Jar Banksy, the Pied Piper of Weddings, the EGOT of Arson, and Two and a Half Larries. It's crazy, y'all. Transcript

In this episode we discuss alternate titles for the Dragon Reborn, Rand pulls a Gone Girl, Perrin goes Elizabethan, and Masema drinks the kool-aid. Can't we all just get along? Seriously, Perrin and Moiraine: JUST GET ALONG.   Transcript

Gaul might not even be a character in the series yet, but he's present in OUR HEARTS. We're also talking about Whaleworld, Henry the Ain't, Perrin's MeUndies, and SHAKIRA SHAKIRA. Transcript

We're kicking off season three in style -- unlike the characters on the cover of The Dragon Reborn. We're talking about the Gawyn Redaction Contract, Rejected Mortal Kombat Characters, the Asshole Convention of Amadicia, and Rand's best friends, Mark and Percy. Transcript

We might be between seasons, but we're still horny for Gaul! This week we're looking at our brand-new Wheel of Time Companion (thanks, Mitchell!) to discuss Big Wolf Energy, Lini's Terrible Advice, The Three Rivers, and Literally Everyone's Height. Transcript 

The Great Hunt is finally over! In our season finale we talk about Rand's Poor Time Management, Tall Soldiers (Our Weakness), Stabbing Erogenous Zones, Mat's Alter Ego: Johnny Appleseed, and Lanfear's Top Three Iconic Entrances.  Transcript

Episode 50, what the heck?! We've been doing this a whole YEAR? We celebrate by talking about Meta Prophecy, Egwene's Evil Twin, Knife Boy, and Emily's Personal Journey through Wheel of Time. Remember, kids: Rand is NOT Judge Judy. Transcript

Welcome to the first episode of 2019! It's pretty much a disaster. We talk about Casting Valan Luca, Frat Boy Criteria, The Power and Non-Power of Words, and the Problem with Adrenaline-Based Magic. Also: there's a lot of singing.  Transcript

We're coming at you DEAD from our couch! Join us in our post-holidays depression as we mispronounce damane  and also "palanquin," talk about soft power vs. hard power, and discuss the timing of trauma in fantasy.  Transcript  

Happy holidays, from our family to yours! Here's an extra-special, extra-long episode where we take a break from WoT with guest Brie Olds. Instead of Wheel of Time, there's Eric Kripke's Steady Hand, Castiel on Trial, Good Brothers and Bad Brothers, and the Real Evil: Sam's Bangs.  Transcript

This is it. Our horniest episode. We make some important decisions and inappropriate rankings. Also: Alternate titles for The Great Hunt,  Universal Truths, Les-beans, and How to Lose a Guy in the Ways. Transcript

Hey, guys, we read like a million chapters this week. Seriously, so many. Aren't you proud of us? We talked about a Jimmy Buffett Monastery, hit TV show Shienar's Got Talent, and a Glitch in the Portal Stone.  Transcript

Discussion topics this week include My Mind Fire: The Band, Fantasy Hair Cuts, Knife Boy and Lava Girl, The REAL Kingkiller, and Chumbawamba-phobia. Transcript 

In which we struggle to pronounce Barthanes' name, long for the Betsy Ross/Ross Betsy timeline that never was, and make way too many comparisons to Supernatural.  Transcript

Hey, we got mics! We get a little sappy thanking you for your support, but we're just so excited! Please forgive all audio issues -- Emily is relearning how to record and edit with this fancy new technology. Tune in for Whitecloak Resumes, the Gay Energy in the Atmosphere, and the Nightgown Pervert. Transcript 

This episode sparked a lot of ideas for the Wheel of Time TV adaptation, including casting Thom Merrilin as Taika Watiti, Rhuarc looking into the camera like he's in the Office, and a really great flashback to that time no one would speak to Mat except his mother. Take note, Amazon. Transcript

This episode was over an hour long until Emily edited out twenty minutes of us arguing over which characters Galad could have sexual tension with. That's pretty much all you need to know.   Transcript 

Sorry for the long episode, but we just couldn't help talking about the sex and power dynamics of the Warder bond for 25 minutes. We also complained about the Heterosexual Lack of Chemistry Default and took a long look at all the fear archetypes in Nynaeve's Magic Hazing Ritual.    Transcript