Everybody Hates Rand: A Wheel of Time Podcast

The chapters we read this week were full of Lord of the Rings references, so you KNOW we had a long talk about Magic Artifacts of Doom and Aragorn's sex appeal. We also discussed Drunk Scrabble, Walk-Up Music, and Mat's Polyamorous War Cabinet.   Transcript

There's a lot of chaotic sexual energy in this episode, and for that at least one of us apologizes. We talk about the Sex Shirt, Daenerys and her Animal Sidekick, and that one unfortunate instance where Gawyn Was Right. Transcript 

This episode we're talking about the dreaded literary embodiment of hentai herself, Lanfear. We explain in detail why we hate her, but we also have some non-hentai conversations about Magic Trees, the Talent Cycle, and that TV adaptation that's in the works.  Transcript

Hey, this week we're going to alternate dimensions and talking to wolves! We're also spending a great deal of time questioning whether Rand is really Leader Material or Just Tall. (Hint: We think he's just tall and has fancy clothes. He's running a long con.) Thanks for waiting! Transcript 

All you really need to know headed into this episode is that we really, really, REALLY don't like the term "deflowered." Transcript 

It's a tired and giggly episode of EHR! We're talking about how Lan gives terrible advice, how Hurin should be spending time on his post-grad, and how Uno deserves true love, probably with someone brave and manly. And hilarious. And -- okay, it's Gaul. We've already planned the wedding. Transcript  

This week we're talking about a very important chapter: the one where the Chosen One finds out he's been Chosen. For once, we feel very bad for Rand. We discuss the narrative, symbolic, mythic, psychological, cosmic significance of this moment. And, of course, we argue that it would be even better if Perrin dabbled in pagan witchcraft.  Transcript 

This episode, in which we primarily discuss dark prophecies, question Padan Fain's reasoning, and collectively gag over The Great Hunt 's weird penchant for graphic violence, we introduce two new characters to our Updated, Revised, and All-Around Better Version of WoT: Larry the Good Trolloc and Ilyeno.  Transcript

In which Rand would totally be a Soul Cycle cult leader, Elaida is Donald Trump, Moiraine's ego is an unstoppable force, Robert Jordan uses RateMyAesSedai dot com, and we humbly suggest that you Do Not Do A War Crime.  Transcript

We're joined by professional costumer and Yu-Gi-Oh! enthusiast Sarah McClintock to talk about clothes, fantasy, and denim on denim. She helps answer questions like: Why is Robert Jordan obsessed with butts and breeches? Why is the boob situation in Tel'aran'rhiod so important? What happens when you dress a farm boy like a fancy lord and give him responsibility? Transcript

Please excuse the background hum of AC in this week's episode -- it's 95 degrees in Utah! And a balmy 70 in Fal Dara when the Amyrlin Seat arrives. We talk about Tigger: Rap God, Alien v. Sexual Predator, a Flannel of Lesbians, and get this: we finally consult the pronunciation guide.  Transcript 

Hey, hey, we're kicking off season two -- and  The Great Hunt -- with a ten-minute intro about our homelessness and other misfortunes. Then we talk about Acne and Assholery, Drunk Uncles and Fish Metaphors, and new game show Are You Taller Than a Cello? Transcript  

With Sally out of town, this week Emily is joined by guest co-host Cambria Hobbs, our Wheel of Time progenitor and resident astrology expert. We tackle topics like Rand's so-called sex appeal, Gawyn's Gemini-ness, and Robert Jordan's whole anti-birthday thing. Transcript

You have questions, and we have answers, on every topic imaginable, from Emily's less-than-stellar academic career to books as murder weapons to Jude Law's true place in the Wheel of Time-verse. Thanks for the questions!​ Transcript

Hey there, welcome to our season finale! It's longer and crazier than usual as we wrap up the Eye of the World - discussion topics include Chop-Chop Guy, the Frequency of Cliffs, everyone's Signature Drinks, and Sally's bold argument in favor of Mat's sociopathy. Transcript

This is not actually episode 24 as Sally claims it is, but episode 25 where we discuss such important things as the curse of Laura Ingalls Wilder, Just Pure Magic™, what it means to DTR in the Mad Max desert, and Wheel of Time's most important character: Jude Law. Transcript

Like Lan's entire country of origin, the entire twenty-minute intro of this episode was deleted. It's fine. This episode is weird enough without it. We talk about Chumbawamb​a: Portal Guardians, our gay uncle Agelmar, and the academic AU. Transcript

​In this episode we talk about our heroes' journey through the Ways, but more importantly, we also discuss Mentor Resumes, Edgelord Loial, the Best Shark Attack, Village Idiots, the Shared Kirby Air Ride Consciousness, and Egg Head. Transcript

​This episode got a little out of . . . hand. Ha ha! Just a little hand joke for you, about ten books too early for puns like these. But seriously, we should have been talking about the Ways, and instead we complained about this book's weird plot. So it goes. Transcript

​This is the episode where we Fix Wheel of Time. Of course Rand is in a coma, Mat is illiterate, and everything is gayer, but we also devote about four hundred percent more screen time to the most underrated character in the series: Lamgwin's cat. Transcript

We've now recorded twenty episodes of this podcast, which is crazy. Fittingly, we meet about twenty more main characters in this section, most of whom we hate. At least Galad is there!​ Transcript

We spent the last ten minutes of this episode Googling that whole Luc/Isam thing that Robert Jordan never really explained. Other discussion topics this week include Galad Appreciation, Thom IS The Entree, and Sally Puts Emily On Blast. Transcript

The boys are off the road and straight into Basel Gill's downtown hotel for wayward and semi-demonically-possessed teens. We talk about arbitrary political decisions, Thom's loan sharks, and how Loial is the world's most precious and perfect boy. Transcript

WELCOME TO SAD KITCHEN. WE'RE ALL SAD HERE. Transcript

​We're on the HIIIIGHWAAAY TO HELL. Or Caemlyn, or whatever. This week we're joining Rand and Mat as they spread the gleeman's gospel with a bunch of farmers and inn patrons. There's cow whispering. There's deus ex machina. Most of all, there's the power of friendship. Transcript