Everybody Hates Rand: A Wheel of Time Podcast

Speaking of nipple chafing, you can learn a lot about a lot of things in our coverage of chapters 18, 19, and 20! You'll learn about Curly Boys, Metaphorical Basements, when the wind was invented, and how boats float! Emily also mispronounces every boat term that there is!  Transcript

Come for the perfect casting of Loial, stay for the erotic Maze Runner fantasies. In our coverage of chapters 16 and 17, Sally teaches us all about toxic monogamy, and Emily advocates for an alternate timeline where Thom goes to Rhuidean.  Transcript

Three chapters in one episode! For chapters 13, 14, and 15, we argue on behalf of Equal Opportunity Sweat Tents, discuss Perrin and Faile's celebrity couple name (Ferret?), Mat's Fate Leash, and sign off with a Train Fainter. Transcript

Do you believe that falafel is the most dangerous game? Do you think they should probably just CGI Galad? And that Robert Jordan might be a Highlander? Did you get your FLU SHOT? This episode, where we cover chapters 11 and 12, might be for you.   Transcript  

Thanks to Lanfear's reappearance, our coverage of chapters 9 and 10 takes us back to EHR sex ed. Welcome! We talk about Wandering Wombs, Super Sperm, Chastity and Chivalry, plus Detective Lan and The Dark One's Rubric. Transcript

Welcome to EHR After Dark ... and get ready for the Bad Porn Energy that is explored at LENGTH in chapters 7 and 8. We're Hetrified by Elayne's "Eye" Contact, delighted by Les-Egg, and grateful for Sex Ed with Sally. Hey, does juice have texture? Transcript

What do Nihilist D&D Characters, Responsible Horniness, The Road Less Traveled, and Lan's Rorschach Test of Silk all have in common? Absolutely nothing. This week's chapters: chapters 5 & 6 in the Shadow Rising.  Transcript

This episode has everything: serious questions, like, is Sir Ian McKellen whimsical? Less serious questions, like, is Perrin's nose a mood ring? There's literary analysis on the relative physicality of characters. Also: Perrin's hot?? This week's chapters: Chapters 3 & 4 in The Shadow Rising.  Transcript

In this long episode (sorry), we're getting back to our roots! Sally has literary theory like intrusive fantasy and pathetic fallacy to discuss! Emily talks about the sequels to Gary Paulsen's "Hatchet" in excruciating detail! EHR's GREATEST HITS! This week's chapters: Chapter 2 in The Shadow Rising.  Transcript

Welcome to chapter one of The Shadow Rising ! We're inventing Lesbian Chess, giving you an EHR make-up tutorial, and making sure you know Gawyn has a journal, NOT a diary. Remember: Don't do war crimes! This week's chapters: Chapter 1 in  The Shadow Rising  Transcript

At some point in this episode, you'll hear a BEEP, and that is Emily derailing the podcast to eat her pizza. You'll also hear our Alt Shadow Rising Titles, our great Baz Luhrmann Circus Idea, and the return of Sally Googles Things. Transcript

As we prep for The Shadow Rising, you asked for advice and we ... have it? We tell to Dominate the World with Alexander the Great's Methods, Wear a Plague Doctor Mask to Work, Get Yourself a Shark Wife, and Gaslight Your Coworkers. Transcript  

In our extra-long season finale, we're talking about the rotating Two Rivers Brain Cells, Egwene's Smack-O, Ishamael's Flair for the Dramatic, and the Perfect Opportunity for a Freeze Frame. KABOOM. Transcript

We've finally found a villain for our fantasy heist crew! Not to mention all our VERY on-topic lines of discussion, like Faile's Insta, the Adopted Hedgehog, Fantasy Urgent Care, and All the Drug Dealers We Know.  Transcript 

It's a rambly episode as we discuss ideal casting for the WoT TV series (Ocean's Forsaken, people! The Keanussaince!), Emo Innkeepers, Clockin' Ott, and Balefire Cheat Code. Plus our general confusion over jerkins vs. vests. S.O.S. Transcript

Hey, most of EHR is NSFW but this episode is particularly and horrifically NSFW in the first two minutes. We're talking about our Banned Phrases, Top Sexy Mat Moments, Trading Spaces, Vomit Updates, and the Police Brutality State that is Tear. Transcript

This week we're back in Caemlyn, which means we're seeing some familiar faces! Join us as we talk about Basel Gill's Cat Cafe, Rand's Murder Gap Year, Tallanvor the Killjoy, and the triumphant Return of xBrian. Transcript

We're back, and we've got some pretty challenging ideas to discuss. Like Faile and Perrin's Straight Pride. Oh, and there's Bringing an Axe to Applebee's, Empathy Boners, and hey . . . where IS Germany?   Transcript  

Sixty-NINE! In honor of the sex number, we're ranking Shrek movies (obviously), Googling horse anatomy, making fun of Lan's Chastity Ring, and talking about the Aiel's Super Soldier Serum Lizard Protein Shakes. Transcript

It's a very educational episode! We talk about King Charles' Glass Butt, Mirror Espionage, and, as always, end up at EHR Sex Ed. We also improve the Iliad by making Everyone Orlando Bloom. Transcript

We get into some challenging lines of discussion in this one, including Tall Babies, the Choice to Be a Walking Sex Dream (it's a pun), and Paul Bettany's butt. We also ask the question: can cats spell "murder"? Transcript

We're one digit away from 666, but this is still a cursed episode, re: the image of Gandalf in a sexy robe. Also, we pay homage to Danny DeVito, try to remember the stroke acronym F.A.S.T., and witness the Return of Jeremy.  Transcript  

Put on your slutty pop music sequence and get ready for a vocab lesson! While Mat goes on a gambling binge through the Fantasy Vatican, we talk about his Odysseus tendencies, his impossible horizon of expectations, and . . . pole-vaulting.  Transcript

Hello! It's our very first episode recorded with Adobe Audition! We're using it to talk about Sally's Hand Limbo, Mat's Warfare-Riddled Brain, the Gender Police, and Mat's Love of Dance. Be warned -- we dunk on a few well-established fantasy authors in this one. Transcript  

Discussion topics this week include Feet Al'Thor, the Useless Murder List, Equal Opportunity Perverts, and the ultimate question: what in the hell is Lanfear doing in the White Tower, and why won't she leave?   Transcript