ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)

Solo il potere di Dio può rimuovere la cecità dell’egocentrismo e illuminare gli occhi del servizio. Quando ero bambina Dio mi rivelò tutta la mia giornata in un’unica visione. «Guarda», disse Lui, «Tutte le cose buone per te Nel servizio amorevole che scegli di compiere».

Concentrare la propria attenzione sugli altri attraverso il servizio è diventato più attraente del proprio tornaconto. Prima di iniziare il programma due anni e mezzo fa, la sobrietà non era una possibilità concreta per me. Anni passati a sfuggire agli aspetti spiacevoli della mia vita fantasticando su altri scenari nella mia mente e cercando modi per procurarmi piacere, sembravano atteggiamenti i...

Per molti anni ho vissuto inseguendo una farfalla. Credevo che in lei risiedessero il mio respiro, il mio senso e la mia gioia. Pensavo che, se fossi riuscita a trattenerla, il mio cuore avrebbe smesso di sentirsi incompleto.

Соединение с Высшей Силой через жизнь в Решении и 12-ти Шагах придали ей сил служить другим зависимым, в том числе, в Структуре обслуживания АС. Почти всю свою жизнь я поступала неправильно и знала, что это плохо. Говорила то, что причиняло боль мне и вредило другим, дорогие для меня отношения были разрушены. Казалось, я ничего не могла с этим поделать: мной руководило какое-то безумное стремление...

Для него позитивная трезвость была невозможна  без позитивных шагов и реальной связи с другими людьми. Я пришёл в Программу в поисках “негативной трезвости”. Под этим я подразумеваю, что хотел исключить из своей жизни употребление похоти. Как и со всем остальным до этого момента, я думал, что смогу справиться с этим сам. Если бы я почитал какую-нибудь литературу, немного поразмышлял обо всех своих...

Только Божья сила может устранить слепоту эгоцентризма и дать прозрение “глазам  служения”. Будто маленькой девочке Господь явил мне В одном видении весь мой день. “Смотри,” - сказал Он, “Из всех благ выбирай служение с любовью”.

Внимание к другим в служении стало для него более привлекательным, чем собственные интересы. Трезвость была для меня невозможна, пока я не начал работать по Программе два с половиной года назад. Годами я фантазировал о разных сценариях и искал удовольствия, чтобы сбежать от неприятных моментов жизни,  и казалось, что это уже не изменится. Я пытался минимизировать это убегание, потому что оно опуст...

Садовник подготовил её душу к принятию сада Его присутствия. Присутствия, которое взращивает в ней новую жизнь. Бабочка одержимой любви никогда не могла ей дать такую жизнь.

Он перестал пытаться обрести счастье по-своему и обрёл его, живя по-Божьи. Я могу представить, как в начале выздоровления я говорил что-то вроде: “Позитивная трезвость??? Как насчёт просто трезвости?? Я даже не могу оставаться трезвым, а теперь ты говоришь, что мне нужна позитивная трезвость!? Что это вообще такое!??”

Conectar con un Poder Superior para vivir en la solución y los doce pasos, le permite ayudar a otros adictos, incluidos los que forman parte de la estructura de servicio.  Durante casi toda mi vida, consumí de maneras que sabía que no estaban bien. Decía cosas que me hacían daño a mí y a los demás. Se rompieron relaciones maravillosas. Parecía que no podía evitarlo. Me movía un impulso irracional...

Solo el poder de Dios puede eliminar la ceguera del egocentrismo e iluminar los ojos del servicio. Siendo una niña pequeña, Dios me reveló Toda mi jornada en una sola visión para contemplar “Mira”, dijo Él, “todas las cosas buenas para ti que puedes elegir hacer con amor y servicio.”

Centrar su atención en otros al servicio, se volvió más atractivo que su propio interés. La sobriedad no era una posibilidad real para mí antes de empezar el programa hace dos años y medio. Años escapando de los aspectos desagradables de mi vida, fantaseando con otros escenarios en mi mente y encontrando formas de darme placer parecían inmutables. Intentar minimizar esas escapadas, porque realment...

Durante muchos años viví persiguiendo una mariposa. Creía que en ella estaba mi aire, mi sentido y mi alegría. Pensaba que, si lograba retenerla, mi corazón dejaría de sentirse incompleto. Esa mariposa tomó distintos nombres y rostros. Primero fue el rostro de un padre alcohólico; después, hombres que parecían prometer el amor que mi alma anhelaba. Sin darme cuenta, convertí el amor en una búsqued...

Dejó de intentar obtener la felicidad a su manera y la encontró viviendo la manera de Dios. Me imagino desde las primeras etapas de la recuperación diciendo algo como: "sobriedad positiva??? ¿Y qué tal simplemente sobriedad? Ni siquiera puedo mantenerme sobrio, ¿y ahora me dices que necesito una sobriedad positiva? ¿Qué pasa con eso??"

Dear ESSAY, It wasn't until I first entered recovery that I heard of rigorous honesty. No one knew the real me. None of my closest friends, none of the women that I had dated, not even my wife, knew about my addiction. 

An unexpected moment of love helped his wife move from despair due to disclosure to hope for recovery.  On the advice of our marriage counselor—before I ever entered SA—I told my wife the truth about my sexual acting-out. He encouraged honesty, though he didn’t know the full extent of my behavior. We arranged for the kids to be out, and I intended to reveal only a little. But once I began, everyth...

The power of God sustained her during the nightmare of hearing a disclosure.  I first came to SA in January 2022. I knew immediately that I found people who could help me find true sobriety. I was in a relationship with someone, though we weren't married. We tried to be respectful of the need to wait for sex until marriage, but we struggled.

This member reflects on all the different aspects of the Program that helped him to never fully disclose to his loved one.  After 41 years of sobriety in recovery, I have still never fully disclosed my SA story to my wife. Even now, I ask myself how that could be. I am not entirely sure of the reason. Perhaps I was too frightened. Perhaps I was following the guidance in the AA and SA literature. P...

She realized that, following the guidance of our literature and of her sponsor, she adoivded experiencing the tragedy of a premature disclosure.    I consider myself very fortunate in the course of my disease and recovery. I was not discovered by my husband in an affair. I was never publicly exposed or humiliated. I was not arrested for anything related to my sex addiction. I was never confronted...

Instead of sharing everything to get it off his chest, he learned that if he hasn’t worked the Steps on something, then he doesn’t share it.  When I first came into SA, I just wanted to share everything, to get it off my chest and take away the guilt of what I had done and where I’d been. I am really grateful that I read the caution in the White Book because I was going to destroy the people that...

Her experience has taught her that gossip in the Fellowship can be a harmful form of disclosure. Sexual intimacy is a way to communicate my commitment to my spouse. That is why it hurt deeply when my husband, while we were married, told me that he was having an affair. His affair communicated that I didn’t matter to him. I became physically sick and didn’t want to live anymore. I wish he had never...

The wives of these sex addicts spoke up to voice the damage that was done to them, but the complaints were not directed to the sexaholics.  I started recovery by going to a famous treatment center for sex addiction. The program included “Family Day”. The “highlight” of Family Day was a process called disclosure, where I describe the wrongs I had done to my family, and the family gets to describe h...

A Journal of 90 Meetings in 90 Days. Luc D. traveled to Nashville in 2009 to attend 90 in-person meetings in 90 days in a desperate attempt to save his life after a relapse binge. He kept a journal during this time and shared it with other members. Below and in the following editions, ESSAY will be sharing parts of his journal.

Wisdom has taught her that enthusiasm in early recovery did not always translate into appropriate sharing.  After being sober for a few months, I decided to join a faith community. They held a community day every month, which I decided to participate in.  During my first community day, I got into a conversation with a couple, and we hit it off right away. They invited me over for dinner, and durin...

Enthusiasm for recovery and a newfound willingness to be honest without careful consideration before sharing can lead to an awkward situation.  In early recovery, I was so thrilled about having found a solution for my problem that I wanted to share it with everyone. My wife already knew about my addiction because she caught me many times. I told a friend who is a coach and a psychologist. It was i...