Endgame: A Riverdale Podcast

Get Absolutely Bogged Motherfucker

If you want to understand how we got to the point in this deranged bit where I felt like I should continue it for the rest of the episode. I would have cut it fully if I could, but goddamn did I commit and that really caused problems for future me.

You never know when I'm gonna strike

It's 2021, mija!

We recorded this so god damn long ago, mija. We have all changed as people. We've had character development. We've had character regression. I don't even know the people who are speaking in this episode. I wish you could understand.

He is Risen!

Do you like our new cover photo ;-;-;-;-;

Do you remember your first time being tickled, mija? Did it change you? Do you think about it? At night? As your partner sleeps beside you, oblivious? Do you crave the sweet sound of laughter? Does the feeling of this want, this craving, haunt your mind? Do you dream of it? Do you? Trigger warnings: sexual assault, murder, cults, p*dophilia, underage sexual content

GRANDPAPPY POOP GRANDPAPPY POOP GRANDPAPPY POOP Trigger warnings: transphobia, homophobia, s*xual assault, stalking, physical violence

Check out this list of local names, mija! Trigger warnings: physical violence, death, kidnapping, su*cide, child abuse, police brutality

ITS A GOOD DAY FOR BETTY X DONNA SHIPPERS MIJA!!!!! Trigger warnings: physical violence, su*cide, p*dophilia, filming/watching a sex tape without the consent of the person being filmed (is there a shorter word for this cause I don't know it)

Mija, my co-host cut the best part out of this episode. Shame on him. Shame. Trigger warnings: death, stalking, physical violence, human trafficking

I'm not like other girls, mija. I eat raw human flesh in my spare time! Trigger warnings: stalking, human trafficking, grooming, mention of r*pe, incestuous thoughts, p*dophilia

What song would you sing to reject Alpha-Wolf-Reggie, mija? Trigger warnings: human trafficking, su*cidal ideation/su*cide, physical violence, pedophilia, sexual assault, filming sexual content without consent

BREAKING NEWS! (news jingle plays) The rum bandit has struck again this morning at the Riverdale zoo, where multiple elephants have been found intoxicated. Zoos around the world terrified. More on this story after a word from our sponsors. (ending jingle plays) Trigger warnings: stalking, physical violence, human trafficking

Cherry Bomb (Riverdale's Version) deserves to be on your Spotify wrapped, mija. Trigger warnings: human trafficking, suicidal ideation, physical violence, sexual assault, pedophilia, self harm, murder

Have some syrup with that, m(ij)a'am. Trigger warnings: genocide, su*cide, alcoholism, parental abuse, physical violence

Tessa Leigh Williams, I would gladly kiss you on the mouth. Trigger warnings: r*pe, self harm, su*cide, conversion therapy, cults, organ harvesting, parental abuse, incest

Mija, I know it sounds like we recorded this episode from underwater. That's because we did. We haven't revealed this to you yet, but one of the podcast hosts actually suffers from fish person disease. If you'd like her to record on dry land next time, we are fundraising to try and pay for her gill surgery. Email endgameriverdalepodcast@gmail.com if you'd like to donate. If you are a fish person,...

Did that Hiram scene make you hot and bothered, mija? 🥵 If so, you may be entitled to financial compensation. Trigger warnings: su*cide, car accidents, murder, addiction, eating disorders

Add another secret sibling to the list, mija. Trigger warnings: roofies, p*dophilia, teacher child relationship, child labor, animal abuse, abusive parents

Does anyone know how to get burnt bits of serial killer out of a carpet, mija? Asking for a friend. Trigger warnings: physical violence, roofies, being buried alive, gangs, child abuse, stalking, gun violence, burning alive

Do you ever eat turkey and wonder vaguely when your mother will die, mija? Trigger warnings: homophobia, gun violence, death, parental abuse, sexual abuse, alcoholism, bombs, cults, su*cide, torture, mutilation

You can contact the national child abuse hotline by texting or calling 1-800-422-4453. If you are a victim of abuse, please contact someone you trust and ask for help. If you know someone being abused, help them access resources available online. If you need more information on how to get help, you can email endgameriverdalepodcast@gmail.com. Trigger warnings: physical violence, child abuse, lobot...

We miss you Luke Perry. It's pretty sick that you turned into mushrooms ❤️ Trigger warnings: gangs, physical violence, death, car accidents, gun violence, murder