Employing Differences

"I don't want to just say, 'Oh, you're right, that other person is terrible. It's all their fault. They were so mean to you.' Because that's not true. It might help them feel a little bit better, but it's also unlikely to change things in the future." Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"We tend to think, 'Well if I want to help them, that that must be a good thing.' In fact, it can be a pretty complicated thing and driven way more by my own guilt, or whatever my side of this thing is. And if it's being driven by my need, it might very well not be helpful." Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"If I'm getting resistance to a thing that I think would be useful, I get curious about where that resistance is coming from. I can assume that there is a reason someone's resisting or a group of people are resisting. So what is that reason?" Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"We disagree whether or not doing this will lead to the result you want. Let's explore that together. What are you seeing that I'm not that's leading you to one conclusion? What am I seeing that you're not that is leading me to a different one?" Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"When a thing happens in a group between two people, but it happens in the group, if there's any sort of reconciliation that happens between the people, it also needs to get addressed in the group." Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"In the simplest case, we've got Option A, and we've got Option B. In a majority vote, what we end up with is one of those and some winners and some losers. And neither the winners nor the losers actually are feeling particularly connected and engaged and happy." Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"Although this is a conversation that could happen, that might imaginably have an objective I'd like, that might resolve the thing that's been niggling me – you know what, I'm not gonna do it. And I'm going to feel good about that." Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"So, why not both? I think part of the answer to that is, because by doing both, you might get neither." Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"If we want to get a different result, it's not that we have to change who we are, but we might have to change how we do things. And teasing those things apart can be difficult and challenging." Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"We have been very successful by decomposing things and ignoring the ways that they are interconnected and interdependent. As we are starting to tackle more and more challenging problems, more organizations and groups are realizing they aren't really separable." Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"Typically, the thing we don't want to keep doing – the thing we'd like to change – is very much tied to a thing that's very useful to us. In fact, it can be exactly the same skill, but showing up in a different framework." Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"This is about making sure that we're working in a sustainable way: that we're able to absorb and process the stresses that we've been going through – and maybe even learn something from them." Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"When we're in the place of excuses, of justification, of blame, we're not actually in control. We have a greatly diminished sense of autonomy when we're in that space." Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"When we put a word like creativity or diversity or sustainability into our vision statements, very often what we're doing is picking a comfortable word that each of us will interpret to mean the thing we would like it to mean. Theoretically, we're documenting our alignment. In fact, the words that we have in there represent anything but alignment." Listen on the website and re...

"When someone else is talking, you might have an idea and might be possessed by the incredible urge to share the idea that you have. Sometimes that's useful, and sometimes it's not." Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"If we're doing the class clown act to distract, to escape, to disengage, to protect, to defend, then yeah, we'd probably like someone to be more serious. But if we are being playful and goofy and silly in serious engagement with the group, that's likely to be really productive." Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"'This was the decision we made. This was the process we followed. These were the things that we considered.' When you share that with the larger group and tell people about those things, they have less of a concern and less of a need to know of who said what."  Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"If you want to make that really rich and deep, you can ask yourself, 'That thing that's driving me crazy about them? What's really good about that thing? What do I appreciate about that particular thing?'" Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"Feedback for most of us is a stretch. In fact, if you're not feeling stretched while you're giving feedback, my guess is you could give better feedback. But really good feedback is almost always a stretch outside that comfort zone." Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"When we get anxious that things are not going the way we want them to, the counter-instinctual but really useful response is to release and expand our vision and ask, 'How do we create space between the two of us to actually make this work?' Because that's where the real solution is probably going to come from." Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this epi...

"We can revisit decisions and say, 'This was exactly the right thing to do at the time. And I think we need to revisit it to see if it's still the right thing to do.'" Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"In addition to cultivating awareness that we are telling ourselves a story about what we're encountering, it's useful to remind ourselves that other people are doing that, too." Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"Truly being collaborative is being able to attend to self and also attend to the collective, to the group. To be able to hold both of those things not in opposition to each other but at the same time." Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"One of the valuable places we can get to is when we notice a thing out here that's causing some discomfort in us to get curious about what that is. We might learn something about what's going on out here. We also might learn something about ourselves in the process." Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube

"So what's the cost of being right? And what are you willing to pay? What are you actually willing to give up in order to 'be right?'" Listen on the website and read the transcript Watch this episode on YouTube