Dr. UnStuck Podcast — Get Out of Your Head. Get Into Your Life.

Separating work from home has always been a healthy way to go, though never has this been as essential as it is now. Our lives have begun to seem like "Ground Hog's Day," where one day runs into the other. This has led to a blend of work and home, and a feeling that we are never truly "off." The result has been an overall fatigue, leaving many of us feeling like robots stuck in a rut, not knowing...

No one likes to be uncomfortable. Not at the dentist. Not in social situations, work, or relationships. And, not with the larger curveballs life throws at us. Our instinct is to rid ourselves of this discomfort like a splinter, ignore it until it gets infected, and often to build impenetrable walls to protect ourselves from further injury. Most of us will do anything to avoid pain.  Unfortuna...

Many people sadly sign off art as being for "those creative people," without realizing its tremendous power to heal the mind. Art can help us to drop harmful defenses, heal from shame, and help us reconnect with a disconnected sense of self. By calming the limbic system, art can help reduce feelings of anxiety and depression, as well as set us free from old wounds. Art can even assist us with gett...

Independence and freedom go hand and hand. It is therefore important for us to remain independent from the opinions of others whether they are positive or negative, and to think for ourselves,  It is all too easy to be driven by external approval and praise or even disfavor, as this often results in a need to push back. Either way, our lives become dictated by external forces. On a societal l...

Practicing inner peace, just like anything else, involves deliberate effort. There is a Tibetan word "shenpa," which describes that sticky, very seductive feeling we often get right before we react to a criticism or anything (anyone) we don't like. Shenpa is said to be the root source of aggression and craving, that momentous feeling we get just prior to reacting which feels much like trying to ho...

To savor life means to slow down and notice the details--to fully experience these in the Now . Savoring means to delight in the mundane, to embrace life's hidden treasures, and to experience pure joy in the simplest of pleasures. It is mindfulness and gratitude taken to a higher level. Savoring involves one's senses to be engaged and hyper-vigilant. To savor means to grab life by the ass and live...

Bringing the magic back into our relationships is much easier than it may seem. Allowing ourselves to coast along on autopilot is often largely the source of a derailed or unsatisfying relationship. These habits take on a life of their own and become stronger with each irritation we experience. Shifting into more deliberate thinking leads to more deliberate living. This brings about the awareness...

With roughly 7.5 billion people in the world it is a sad reality that so many of us are walking around feeling lonely. In fact, some experts have referred to this as a "Loneliness Epidemic." The source is disconnection, which is ironic in the age of so called "connection." This feeling of alone-ness is brought about by the dissonance between the connection we need and the connection we have. Thoug...

Life is not like a pizza or cake in the sense that if we take an extra piece this will take away from someone else. The abundance out there in the Universe is infinite. This means that there is no end to the good things that can land in our laps. Shifting ourselves away from the "blockers" and developing a prosperity mindset is about being open to receiving these gifts and is key to a thriving lif...

This continued discussion is about learning to stop reacting and being blown about with the slightest change in wind pattern. From there we move toward surrender from the urge to control, compulsively care-take, rescue, as well as the triangle of victimization, rescue, and persecution. As we bring our approval-meter inside, we are well on our way to emotional disentanglement and freedom . . .

Codependency can be a lot to wake up from, much like someone sticking a smelling salts beneath your nose. With this new sobering awareness we can now take a big step forward on the path of recovery, with the very first place we visit being detachment. Detachment is a skill that is essential for the codependent to become free from the shackles of the entanglement of their relationship (s). When we...

Pay Yourself First  is a phrase most commonly heard rolling out of the mouths of financial advisors, and is certainly some sound advice. For those of us experiencing pandemic fatigue ,  however, this has taken on a new meaning. Even those of us who consider ourselves somewhat good with self-care, have found that the Rona virus has thrown a wrench into our wheel of motivation.  ...

There are so many ways for codependency to manifest and leak into our adult relationships. Part 2 zooms in on the source of codependency which is the underlying feeling of being unlovable. This is behind why we compulsively rescue, care-take, people-please, control, seek out people who mistreat us, and look to find approval and happiness externally.   This is a deeper dive into why we ha...

Many of us don't realize until we are deep into adulthood that we may have developed some codependent patterns along the way. As adults, these may now be showing up in our relationships. Some become rescuers, people-pleasers, controllers and control-ees, abusers and abusees. Many would rather remain in an abusive relationship than go it alone. Still others may have a seemingly endless need for rea...

Once we figure out what toxic shame is and how it hides, it is time to take a big, deep breath and come out in the open with it. We need to embrace our shame in order to release it. We often must grieve our lost childhoods to arrive at a place of genuine acceptance. Only then can we move toward letting go and moving on to a new shame-free existence . . .

This is a continued discussion on how toxic shame hides. Among these "tree forts" for shame are arrogance, contempt, rage, patronizing, envy, people-pleasing, and the compulsive need for care-giving. This is because the underlying pain of shame, that feeling of being flawed and defective is unbearable, and we must therefore find a way to alleviate this. Becoming aware of these hiding places helps...

Shame is toxic, the most intense and excruciating emotion a human being can feel. It is the feeling of being flawed and defective. This is why  dysfunctional parents so often "project" their shame onto their children, often resulting in kids carrying their parents' shame and eventually becoming "shame-based" themselves. This is also why shame manifests in so many different ways, as we want to...

Original worthiness , that feeling we were born into this world with before any negative and shameful messages were said to us, can get lost. We often internalize these messages, creating our own feedback loop of toxic internal dialogue. As these messages are replayed we begin to believe these untruths about ourselves, frequently manifesting as obsessive desires to self-deprecate, catastrophize, o...

Much like farmers cultivate their land to produce rich soil that then yields an abundant harvest, so this is true with cultivating the attitudes that drive our very existence. Our attitudes can be our biggest assets or the most crippling of disabilities. We can exercise and strengthen our bounce-back muscles  with practice, and by learning to develop the cognitive fortitude of the "Warrior Mi...

Scarcity captures the mind, affecting how we think, feel, and behave. Getting stuck in a pattern of scarcity attracts more scarcity. This does not only occur with money, but with time as well. For many of us working and learning virtually, the amount of screen-time we have engaged in has been overwhelming. We have often found ourselves double-booked, over-booked, and mistakenly missing meetings. T...

In some ways, 2020 has seemed like the year that just won’t end . . . After the world closed down in mid-March, many of us who were not considered essential workers were forced into un-pioneered territory, making an abrupt shift to working virtually from our dining room tables, or not at all, to online learning, etc, all while under enormous stress. At this point, we have adjusted (if we really wa...

Worrying is a roadblock to the abundance trying to make its way into our lives, including money. By practicing being nervous and stressed (worrying), we can become quite good at it, impairing our overall well-being as well as our ability to be financially successful. Worrying also sucks up lots of time we could use to be productive, never mind that it is draining, exhausting, and a waste of our va...

We have heard lots about random acts of kindness and these are certainly good, too. Being kind consciously; however, feeds the soul, because we are choosing this with someone else's well-being in mind. It also increases our own level of happiness as this actually causes a release of  dopamine, the brain's "feel good" chemical. Happiness is a lifestyle, and working in small acts of kindness wi...

Many people hold the belief that once they become successful they will become happy, when in reality the opposite is true. Happiness is not merely a feeling. Happiness is magnetic energy that attracts more positivity and brings with it lots and lots of advantages in relationships, school, the workplace. Happiness gives us an overall competitive edge in life.

The need to prove ourselves is something that most of us have been roped into along our life journeys, whether it be as the new kid in middle school, when trying out for a high school sports team, or as an adult beginning an exciting new job or relationship. The butterflies whirl around in our stomachs and adrenaline surges through our veins, as we give it everything we've got to acquire that exte...