Don't Be An Idiom

Episode 37: Breathe in...breathe out. That’s nice. Hey, did you just cough up a bunch of hair, deer, mice and dust? Maybe you’ve been watching too much TV lately. “Is that even possible?” you wonder aloud. The answer is NOBODY KNOWS! But just to be safe, why don’t you saddle up to your favorite ham radio and tune into Episode 37 of DBAI? C’mon, it’s just an hour. Your kids won’t even know you’ve l...

Episode 36: As the knell striketh twelve, look out yonder across the seven waves and blow a kiss to Auld Lang Syne. Even a phantom kiss can make an old, slumbering sea monster blush, so let loose as those new year chimes sing their first lonesome melody. And who is that sailing across the oceans of time? Could be a regular old country bumpkin who's lost his way or just a dead ringer for Father Doo...

Tis the season for merry monsters! In this edition of Albert and Ryan’s sideshow pod, Do Be A Monster, the boys take a look at the infamous demon of Christmas — The Krampus! The fellas will also take a moment to sip on hot toddies with some other winter wondercreeps: the switch-thwacking Pennsylvania-Dutch Belsnickel, the Polish Christmas cow-creature Turón, and the Icelandic winter-witch Gryla. G...

Episode 35: Look through your window there. Look through the frost on the glass into that cold, cold world we like to call Earth. Oh yes, she's a wintry mamacita, ain't she? With her snowy disposition and icy touch — offering nothin' but three dog nights and bottles of rye. What's the forecast dear weatherman? Murphy's law, Murphy's law. Well, that's just fine, because tomorrow there will be free...

Episode 34: Put down those various publications and listen up! The stink of new idioms is wafting through the window like a pie on a windowless day. Cartoon-smellfloat your way to episode thirty-four where...my cousin's being baptized in thirty minutes? Gather ye beer-battered cod while ye can, for ye famine is on ye horizon. But don't cross that horizon line too soon unless you want your mind blo...

Episode 33: Who do you think you are? A rat king or a king rat? Either way, just remember the crown weigheth heavy upon thy sweet head. There's a loyalty to the royalty, so mum's the word if you see any incest in the walls of Windsor. At least you know the grapes won't be sour! Not this hour. Austin Powers. Mini-Me. Me, me, me, episode thirty-three.

Episode 32: While Uncle Sam is busy barfing in a back alley dumpster, the boys decide to tie one on and delve into the great magical mysteries of the English tongue. This time they receive a big assist from world-famous television personality Vinnie Serpente! He's no snake oil salesman, so you can just ignore all of those pesky arrest warrants the feds keep blathering on about. Besides, who else c...

From the minds that brought you Don't Be An Idiom...it's Do Be A Monster! Today you can listen to the very first episode of Albert & Ryan's brand new "sideshow pod" that explores the origin stories of mythical monsters, creatures, critters, folkloric freakazoids, unbelievable beings, and more. Today Ryan takes a dip in the cool waters of Russia to introduce you to the slimiest trouble-maker this s...

Episode 31: Alright boils and ghouls, it's almost Halloween and that's as almost as this podcast is goin' to get to Halloween because we are bi-monthly and Halloween falls directly bi-tween our, you know, episode releases. So don't be a skeleton at the feast this holiday season! Grab the Frick to your Frack and don't look back! Spook it up, spook it up, spook it up. And when you get to Hell, tell...

Episode 30: Oh, hello there. So, you've reached episode thirty, eh? Well, you must think that makes you quite the die-hard fan, eh? Well, guess what...it does! It really, really does. Albert and Ryan celebrate the big three-zero by bringing back the Ten Shots of Doom. Will they survive? Do they even want to survive? Maybe they just want to dance the Tyburn jig. Would that be such a crime? Of cours...

Episode 29: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you think it's all about Episode 30? No way man, it's all about the lead in. What do you want? You want lions? Tigers? You want a fuckin', uh, elephant? You got it. How about a Roman legion? How about this? Two idiom boys enter the Colosseum but only one leaves with his head. Suck on that, Paul Newman. Suck that egg, Cool Hand Luke! People, we ain't asking for much, j...

Episode 28: Jonesin' for your idiom fix? Have no fear! Friday is here. Our hosts with the most are joined by a star-studded cast: Michael Keaton, Bruce Campbell, The Wooden Nickel Boys, and more! Well maybe not more...but less. And when we work with less, we dress to impress. Don't know what we mean? Have a string bean. Stream of consciousness works for Bob Dylan, so, why not us?

Episode 27: Howdy-do, folks. Are you gung-ho to dive on in today? Well, you better be! The boys worked mighty hard to keep this one afloat. Is that a mixed metaphor? Probably and sorry. As promised, Albert and Ryan partake in a little Dingbat Cocktail exploration and the results are simply smashing...in that, the fellas get a bit smashed. However, nothing could really ever stop the idiom train fro...

Episode 26: See, bi-weekly episodes just like we promised. Thought we were lying, eh? Well, what's that say about you? Usually people who tend to expect lying are liars themselves. Same with shoplifters, catkickers, common thieves. But we don't hold grudges! Just don't let it ever, ever happen again. That being said, it's time to tie one on, take a snuff, and hop on the Dingbat Express to Soundtow...

Episode 25: After three years abroad, Ryan is finally back in Philadelphia and rarin' to begin Season 3 of Don't Be An Idiom. No more rushing and racing for the Idiom Boys! It's back to business with the researching and the history stuff and the segments and the songs. Albert has a run-in with local celebrity Donnie Avalon and learns a thing or two about tape-rope and carpet-moving; Ryan explores...

Episode 24: This special New Years Eve broadcast, recorded live in Times Square from the stolen throne of Ryan Seacrest, can be listened to and enjoyed just as easily on the first day of the Chinese New Year, so, you know, you can throw your letters of complaint directly into the nearest trash hole. Whoa, whoa, apologies...comin' in hot. Too hot! It's time we pour oil on troubled waters and ease o...

Episode 23: While the podcast world has been burning, the idiom boys have been fiddling...but all that changes today with the twenty-third installment of Don't Be An Idiom. In today's episode, Albert & Ryan settle scores and set the record straight as they lead listeners through the annals of ancient history on the backs of anthropomorphic antichrists. With malaprops aplenty, you'll learn just eno...

Episode 22: Well, well, well. Look who it is. The boys are back in town! Ryan travels back across the pond to the United States of America to record a quick, little New Year's Eve episode...but, uh oh, it's no regular new year. Nope. It's the Year of the Pig, and the boys are rollin' into the new year full of swine and feelin' fine. That's right, we've got 6's and 7's! We've got wisps and Wild Tur...

Episode 21: After ten months of gathering rust and dust, Albert and Ryan return with the first episode of season two, and it's a doozy. That hot Spanish sun couldn't keep these two click beetles from clackin' into the podwaves—no siree. Not a hundred cervezas or a bottle of Anis del Mono or four-thousand nautical miles could stop these smart alecs from delving deep into the idiom void and emerging...

Episode 20: This is the one, people! Albert and Ryan pull out all the stops for the season finale of Don't Be An Idiom. Here you will find the return of the Hat of Doom, special guest callers, howling dogs, things coming full circle, Crennyisms, more raw eggs, and an idiom anthem to break your heart! So pull yourself out of the "dog days of summer" and take a listen to the finest "swan song" you'r...

Episode 19: The boys spent seven hours writing a musical. So, deal with it! You think you can steal our thunder when we've got deadlines to meet? You're wrong! You've always been wrong! Nah, you're right. You've always been right. That's why we love you. So, buckle your meatballs and get ready for the Buckleboys Meatball Extravaganza 2017! We know nobody reads this shit, but we're the buckleboys!

Episode 18: Fresh off a trip to the great land of Japan, Albert and Ryan emerge from a fierce week of jetlag reinvigorated with idiom passion. We're not talkin' any old type of idiom passion either. This is the real stuff! "#1 Pure Boy" kind of stuff (and that's nothing to shake a stick at). So pour a glass of sake, turn up the heat, give your barking dogs a rest, and learn how to get in like Flyn...

Episode 17: In this week's special megasode, Albert and Ryan find themselves on the ultimate idiom-ship as they explore the history of four nautical idioms. So, batten down the lasagna hatches, 'cause there's an idiom tsunami heading our way! Yep, the seas are angry, and so are all the other letters. Lasargna (I'm not married to it).

Episode 16: Are you constantly thinking about the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe"? Is it responsible for your recent divorce and your staggering debt? Do you feel like you can't show up to the office in a timely fashion anymore because of a near crippling obsession with the band Rednex? Well, today's episode might fix your problems. Albert and Ryan have pre-recorded a special edition of Don't Be An Idiom d...

Episode 15: Twas a thunderous and stormy eve, the night the boys came together for a battle of words and a long, dark peer into each other's living daylights. Only one person, however, was good enough to join the hands of these two young men to win the war together: the war against idiom ignorance! Naturally, that man was Good Will (you may have seen him selling your trash). Anyway, come away with...