Don't Be An Idiom

It's a slimy business, but Albert and Ryan are dedicated to the calling (as evidenced by this momentous episode). Here it is, the tenth installment of Do Be A Monster and there are still so many muck-mouths and bulging-eyeballs to cover. To celebrate the new year, Ryan brings the Malaysian penanggalan to the airwaves; well, at least her head and entrails. Meanwhile, Albert would like to introduce...

Episode 54: Hey sports fans! Were your collective ears a-burning? That's 'cause it's the freakin' weekend and your boys are bringing it hard! So strap on your headphones with a clamp because there's no taking-a-mulligan on this episode! On an unrelated note, Ryan found an iguana and guess what? We're keeping it! Sorry Craigslist! Happy Holidays, ya wankers. Love, Don't Be An Idiom

Episode 53: What in the Sam Hill are you doing NOT listening to Episode 53 of DBAI right now? Reading this I suppose! Well, don't make a pig's ear out of your Friday; hit that play button bay-bay! The boys are fucking all fired up about the new episode and especially the new song. Skip to the end, then start over again! When asked what of Episode 53, megafan Paul Giamatti says, "I ALWAYS go SIDEWA...

Episode 52: Tired of sitting by the m-box all day long? Us neither! Episode 52 is coming in hot and it's gonna piss your boss off! So, kick against the pricks and walk tall with holes in your body and your shirt covered in black blood. And when they ask you how you want your severance pay, tell 'em the whole shebang sent ya! Buy yourself a clue and listen to Episode 52...like, yesterday!

Sniff, sniff. What’s that? I smell another monster episode, right jolly! In this ninth installment, the boys get wet, wet, wet in the billabongs of Australia and the river beds of Japan! Throw on your goggles and peek the Bunyip. Then slap on your galoshes and trip the fantastic with the magnificent Kappa (actually, it's best if you hold onto your butts)! If we don’t say someone’s doing something,...

Engulfed in fog, you find yourself covered in a viscous ooze shimmering in the pale light of the barley moon. Crawling towards a distant sound, howls of horror echo through the air until you come upon an old radio, crackling like a thousand footsteps on fallen leaves. For a moment, terror grips you...until you hear the familiar voices of your old maniacal guides through monster mythology: Albert a...

Episode 51: Let’s get one thing straight: this is not fucking official. The boys got some hot goss' that you’re gonna wanna eavesdrop on like yesterday, so Brylcreem that hair back hard and give a listen. But be careful what you listen for...there’s no proof that it’s real. When things go bump in the night, just know that you’ll be alright. The boys are here and (good news) the tests came back cle...

Episode 50: Speak of the devil…and episode 50 shall appear! “Episode 50, episode 50, episode 50!” We never said you had to say it three times! What do you think this is? Bloody Mary? Beetlegeuse? Clearly not Candyman 'cause that would require five repetitions. Just stop talking, okay? Sit back and relax. Kick off your shoes and feet and open up a fresh can of Alpo dog food. You’ve had a long week...

Episode 49: Hear ye, hear ye! All Mavericks agree—Episode 49 is the bee's knees! Don't make us describe why you should want to subscribe. Don't Be An Idiom is well and alive! That's it. Call in.

Episode 48: Have you got the August blues? Do you go to bed each night praying that you won’t see the morning light? And then when you wake up, you’re scared and a little balder and fatter than you were the day before? It’s okay to be scared. We’re all scared. Don’t let the bastards 86 the summer without a fight! The boys have episode forty-eight locked and loaded and they’re coming on like gangbu...

Episode 47: What? Did you think it was going to be an all monster summer? Look, the idiom boys would never pass the buck on ya to find your own word histories. You can bet your bottom buck that ain't all she wrote when it comes to our beloved fans! Now, relax that brain so we can penetrate it with funky fresh knowledge. We're goin' in through the eyeballzzzz.

Over the course of fifteen days, Albert and Ryan traversed America in search of cryptids, ghosts, witches, and monsters. For this seventh installment of Do Be A Monster, the fellas recount the second half of the route and the many creeps along the way including Huggin' Molly, Altie the Sea Monster, Bigfoot, and more! So pack your anti-ghostwitch spray, pull up your alien laser reflector overalls,...

Over the course of fifteen days, Albert and Ryan traversed America in search of cryptids, ghosts, witches, and monsters. For this sixth installment of Do Be A Monster, the fellas recount the first half of the route and the many creeps along the way including the Loveland Frogman, the Hopkinsville Goblins, the Honey Island Swamp Monster and many more! So pack your footprint casting kit, lower your...

Episode 46: While the boys while away on a Do Be A Monster road trip, you can listen to this tasty bit of nautical content! Now batten down the hatches and brace the storm of idiom information!

Episode 45: Are you a loner? Are you a crazy, wide-eyed loner on a doomed space mission to Venus? Did you catch cornflakes disease on the way there? If so, we've got the only cure this side of the Milky Way. It's episode 45, of course! So, quit taking the piss and cue that shit up! Unless of course you're...namby-pamby.

Episode 44: Whistle, wastle, whistle, wastle. Did you hear them whispery weasel words reverberating through the kitchen walls? That must mean that today's episode is hogwashed and ready to roll! So, break off all prior engagements, sit in a dark, sound-proof, misery-proof, responsibility-proof closet, and listen hard...very, very hard. You WILL love your life! You WON'T be hungry for content! One...

Episode 43: If an episode falls in the woods and the only "living" things around to "hear" it are some sort o' dystopian futuristic cyborg birds (let's call them cybirdz), does it make a sound? The answer is, "What do you care? You've long been dead!" Lucky for you it's the present and boy have we got a present for you! Don't rack your brain trying to choose which wordy podcast to listen to. The c...

Episode 42: Today's episode is a maritime trash picker's delight, chock-full of idiomatic flotsam and jetsam to cram into the Fibber McGee's closet of your brain hole. Sit back and while away the hour as the boys regale you with new stories about one of their favorite topics...trash! Listen now or forever moweth the lawn.

Episode 41: Once in a blue moon, a hero emerges from the dusty trails of a forgotten dream. A silhouette against a blood-red setting sun, sand and grit in the creases of his jeans, a weathered hat casting a shadow upon his whiskered face, phantom carrots haunting his stinking doltish brain, a trusted four-legged companion by his side neighing deeply (annoyingly perhaps) into the wind...which is a...

In this fifth installment of Do Be A Monster, the boys take the show on the road! Traveling to different points of Cape Cod, Albert and Ryan explore several mythical creatures associated with the Cape. This mini-episode was recorded on location in a West Yarmouth cottage, a stone's throw away from the Beast of Truro, the Marsh People of Barnstable, Moshup the Giant, and an hour east of the Dover D...

Welcome earthlings to the fourth installment of Albert and Ryan's sideshow pod, Do Be A Monster. Today the boys take a break from the idiom universe to traverse the stars and skies in an episode dedicated to glowy-eyed, winged weirdos from the great beyond...aliens! Aye, it's an extraterrestrial audial festival of creepy cryptids and cosmic freakazoids. Albert leads the way to Point Pleasant, West...

Episode 40: Now serving ticket number 40 at the Far Out Deli of Cosmic Knowledge. Press your face against the display case of our finest array of language lunch meats. We've got hyperbole ham steak that is right on the edge but still full price (we wouldn't want to insult you with a clearance price), links of simile sausage as long as the Lambton worm, metaphor mortadella that'll have you begging...

Episode 39: Has your magic talking frog led you astray and now you're pulling double-scrub duty? Why not kill time with a podcast? Hey, WE'RE a podcast! So if your fragile joy is hanging by a thread, venture on out of the boondocks of your soul and plug into some electrifying oral idiom exploration. The sword of Damocles is poised to plummet at any minute, so if this is to be your last stand...sta...

Episode 38: Did you hear about the year? The metal ox is near! By the time you read this, he'll be here. And the boys' suits are quite sheer 'cause they're on the hunt for that sexy golden steer. So pipe down your kids and pipe down your wives. The fellas have a little present for you and it is no white elephant! Tune in for the gift that just won't stop giving. Even if you smash your radio and se...

Oh, good morning. So you've once again stumbled upon Albert and Ryan's sideshow pod. Yes, from the boys who have been bringing you Don't Be An Idiom for three whole years, it's Do Be A Monster. In this third installment of monster mania, the boys go a-huntin' for some serious beasts. Come travel to Northeast England for a slimey time with the legendary Lambton Worm and take a climb up Mount Katahd...