Don't Be An Idiom

Episode 93: Greetings dudes and dudettes! We heard some of you were getting worried that DBAI had gone dark. Well have no fear, Episode 93 is finally here! Now grab a beer and listen very clear, because it’s the first official episode of the year! So give a cheer and hug a deer. And if that deer should look at you rather queer…well...just don’t worry about it, I guess. WE will tell YOU when to wor...

Episode 92: HOCUS POCUS, DEMONS CHOKE US, WIND AND RAIN AND SLEET AND SNOW, LET’S GET READY FOR THE SHOW! [Poof!] Did you feel that tenner leave your pocket just then? No? Good, nevermind. Welcome to Don’t Be An Idiom! If you’re looking for a little bit of word history and a lotta bit of charming anecdotes we’ve got buttloads of both! Speaking of butts, why don’t you park yours on your favorite se...

Episode 91: [Sirens blare] Attention pathetic inhabitants of planet Earth! We have entered your atmosphere and you like didn’t even know it. We are here to inform you that you are basically the turds of the universe. Your overinflated egos are an ironic and laughable contrast to your milquetoast approach to “science” and exploration. I put science in quotes because what you call “science” is less...

If you're looking to get your creep on, you've come to the right place: the eighteenth installment of Do Be A Monster. We'll be setting sail for the Orkney Islands in today's episode and you may want to watch what you eat, because if you catch sight of the Nuckelavee, you're probably going to upchuck. We suggest a nice hot plate of haggis, neeps, and tatties (and be sure to stay close to fresh wat...

Episode 90: Have you ever ridden your bicycle through the woods and heard the paper-crinkle sound of two husks of men stumbling over the detritus of a thousand seasons reaching towards your back wheel? And when you look back, you aren't even freaked out or concerned just completely bewildered by the spectacle because you've never seen such shells of men before with sunken eyes and lizard grey skin...

Episode 89: Upsa-daisy, biscuits and gravy, mama’s in the kitchen with the Michelin baby. Papa’s in the woodshed, he can’t stop...sharpening his ax for the Gordian knot. Onesie, twosie, threesie, foursie, tax man’s knocking at the doorsie. Mama throws the gravy in his face; Papa swings his ax and their debt’s erased! Enjoy episode eighty-ninezy. It’s a doozy!

If it's April 1st, it must be time for another serving of Let's Get A Strombo—the only podcast dedicated to the tastiest pizza shop treat this side of the Marinara River. With the bells to prove it, the boys have put in the work and not only surfed a wave of agita over the past few weeks, but delved into the deepest pools of philosophy surrounding the famed strombo. You'll hear so much about strom...

Episode 88: Horsefeathers! Episode 88 already? I say, I say, where does the time go? The boys are back, tight, and rock hard with a FULL episode…song and everything! We were feeling like the low man on the totem pole there for a minute, but we’re back on top now baby! But is that actually a good thing? Listen now and find out.

Episode 87: When in Rome, do as the Romans do...and this week Albert and Ryan visited Sickboy Land where two customs reign supreme: delay releasing one's podcast and run out of time to write an end-of-the-episode song. However, the boys ain't the type to draw legs on a snake and thought it best to give the people what they've got—which is one bebop zoomin' episode that'll make you cover your face...

Episode 86: Maaaaaaaan! Y’all are the lowest, lousiest buncha flea-bitten scum suckers I ever had the misfortune of laying my eyes on! I mean, really. What is the deal with your whole face-head? I say, I’ve got a right mind to scatter all you lily-livered polecats to the freakin’ four winds! On the other hand, this could be the opportunity of a lifetime! I can see the headlines now: SWARTHY PODCAS...

Crunch…crunch…crunch…CRUNCH! What’s that?! Albert munching on unsalted almonds? No, you idiot, it’s the latest episode of Do Be A Monster! Pour yourself a Scotch and strap in 'cause the boys are going to take you on a wild rollercoaster ride from the peaks of Ben Macdui to romp with The Big Grey Man all the way down to the dirty, forgotten bathhouses of Japan to slurp up some fun with the Akaname!...

Episode 85: Forget the Christmas goose and throw the figgy pudding out the window because the only thing good enough for all you idiomats out there is whatever abomination to nature rolls out of the boys’ big old sack of due corrections after this year’s annual Don’t Be An Idiom Holiday Snipe Hunt Extravaganza! We’ll be sucking down snouts and picking our teeth with hide bristles until our bells b...

Episode 84: From soup to nuts, we here at DBAI Inc. are wishing you and yours a crappy Thanksgiving! And if your great step grammy starts wailing like a banshee 'cause there’s chunkers in the mashed potaters, give her some sound advice and tell her, “DON’T BE AN IDIOM, GRANNY!” That’s all folks!

Episode 83: Trick or treat, kiddies! Episode 83 is coming at ya like a bat out of Hell on this dark day when the veil between worlds is thinner than your podcast hosts’ hair! So, whether you’re haunting the spooky streets like little Tony Provolone, or kicking back in your favorite lawn chair handing out fun-size salamis to all the little shits in the neighborhood, make sure you give your ears a l...

Episode 82: Greetings, boils and ghouls! We hope you didn’t stay up until the witching hour this weekend waiting for your favorite podcast to disgrace you with its presence. You see, the boys have been going through some…changes, and have come to the conclusion that Fridays are spooky-cool enough on their own. Mondays, on the other hand, keep showing up like a bad penny, so we’ve decide to help so...

Look at you. You are covered in dirt and you have just dug up the sixteenth installment of Do Be A Monster. For better or worse, the tentacles of this Shoggoth of an episode will travel deep into your consciousness and reveal all sorts of mischieveous monsters and mayhem. For starters, Albert will take you by the hand to the borderlands of Scotland and England where he will introduce you to the Re...

Episode 81: If thine fruit is ripe, pluck it! And if thy root beer doth chill, sip it! This is the kind of Augustan era philosophizing you're going to get in this week's bodacious episode of idiom history sleuthing. Yahs, the fellas really go the whole nine yards with fascinating rivulets that include stacked white tires and the depth of a rich man's grave. So carpe diem and enter the world of Don...

Episode 80: Whoa, Nelly! Word on the street is we’ve got some quislings in our midst. It seems that some of you have been dabbling in various forms of VISUAL media behind our backs! Honestly, we’re just a little hurt. I mean, the boob tube? Really? It’s not even what it sounds like! I thought we all agreed that the only entertainment you need to know…is audi audi audi-YO?! And we’re not into the w...

Episode 79: Ah, summer. There’s just something about it. How it harkens us back to the halcyon days of daisy chains, tire swings, a glass of sweet mammy’s lemonade on the back porch, more daisy chains…”WEE-OO WEE-OO! ATTENTION, THIS IS THE GOVERNMENT! THE US GOVERNMENT! EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, SUMMER HAS BEEN DEEMED ILLEGAL DUE TO RECORD HIGH LEVELS OF PLEASURE ALONG WITH AN OVERALL LACK OF PRODUCT...

Episode 78: You awake in a small, neatly furnished room. You rise from the bed and walk over to the mirror sitting atop the dresser at the far end of the room. It is not a long walk. There’s no recognition in the face staring back at you. The face is neither overly attractive, nor what you would consider ugly. It’s the kind of face that would blend easily into a crowd and be forgotten the moment i...

Episode 77: “Bark bark! Woof woof! Baaaaaah! Yipe yipe yipe!” It’s a goddamn zoo down at DBAI headquarters! Someone really screwed the pooch and let all the damn dogs out. Then the dogs unlocked the barn and all the friggin’ sheep got out! Now the sheep are nipping at your boys’ ankles as they try their damnedest to climb Boo Radley’s apple tree to freedom. What a scene! But let’s get serious for...

Episode 76: Hey everyone! Have you done something new with your hair? Your skin looks so young and wet! A new rat hair toupee, perhaps? Now, we’re not just trying to butter you up so you’re inclined to listen to Episode 76 of DBAI. We’d never dream of it! Ok, ya got us. We’re pretty much beyond the pale of what good and decent folk would do to make an honest living, so why don’t ya just slurp up t...

What's that shriek in the distance? That rustle in the bushes? Those glowing eyes in the foggy woods? That slimy skin breaking the surface of the sea? It's the fifteenth installment of Do Be A Monster! Albert and Ryan have returned from a week long Monster Road Trip through the states of New England. The boys traversed the northeast and hunted a wide array of freaky monstrosities: Melon Heads in C...

It's April Fools Day and that means Let's Get A Strombo is back! The boys have resurrected the tastiest podcast this side of the Strombo River and you won't believe the delicious audial sauce that's in store for you. In this year's stromboli themed podcast, the fellas embark on a gustatory adventure in search of the best strombo in the Philly/New Jersey area. You'll hear more than you thought was...

Episode 75: Good blorning to you all. This is Morg your neighborhood troll. Life has been pretty good to me as you can see from all of these sweet brass rings hanging on my slime walls, but I always felt there was something missing from life, a wee hole in my heart. Little could I know that that hole (which reeked of brine and musk) needed to be filled by a little DIY podcast called Don't Be An Id...