Disagree better

Runaway thoughts and catastrophizing hobble conversations before they even begin. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my newsletter here .

We disagree better when we understand the ways our mental models help and hinder us during conflict. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .

One reason disagreements get messy is that people are on different train tracks and don’t know it. Here's how to fix that. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here . Thanks for listening!

Gravity problems make conflict resolution more difficult because they keep you stuck. Here’s how to recognize gravity problems when you see them, why they’re troublesome, and how to prevent them from hijacking resolution. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .

For conflict in vital relationships, don’t overlook the conversation that comes before the problem-solving conversation (part 4 of 4). Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .

Stop a conflict's past from holding you fast (part 3 of a 4-part series). Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .

Our conflict hooks influence the conflicts we get into, how we react, and how stuck we get (part 2 of a 4-part series). Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .

The story we tell ourselves and others about a conflict isn’t the story of the conflict. It’s our story of the conflict. But what is it trying to tell us? (Part 1 of a 4-part series) Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .

Effective communication requires both sending and receiving skills. This communication tool will help you do both. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .

How to lower the volume without fuss or drama and get the conversation back on track. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .

In honor of his remarkable legacy, I’m replaying my 2020 story about Nobel Peace Prize laureate and former U.S. President, Jimmy Carter. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .

Conflict can be detrimental to relationships, but it doesn’t have to be. What makes the difference? Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .

These phrases will help you introduce disagreement in a non-confrontational way. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .

Help yourself think clearly, make better decisions, and keep impulses in check with these 11 mental tricks. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .

How I form “provisional theories” that can influence the trajectory of a conflict. Find episode transcript and links here , the QueryCards here , and conflict resolution quotes here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .

Do you seem like a bad listener when you disagree? Yes, you do, even when you’re an ace listener. Here's why. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my free monthly Substack newsletter here .

Good problem-solving process is like a reliable GPS, helping us navigate a difficult conversation coherently. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .

Venting anger doesn’t help you calm down and increases aggression. So why is the venting myth still embraced? And what’s better? Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .

Here's an exercise to help you identify your conflict hooks and increase emotional agility during difficult interactions. Find episode transcript here . Find part 1 here . How knowing your conflict hooks helps reduce conflict in your life . More about my book here and the free worksheet here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .

One of the best ways to increase emotional agility in conflict is to recognize and manage your conflict hooks. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .

What we do immediately after we express empathy helps or hinders the connection and alignment we’re trying to build. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my Substack newsletter here .

How to skip the drama and the rumination and raise a concern so they’ll actually listen. Find Tammy's episode transcript and links here and the printable cheat sheet here . Subscribe to my monthly Subtack newsletter here .

It’s tempting to tell people what they should do. It feels efficient, and it makes us feel helpful and wise. When we replace telling with asking, we can do something more powerful and, ultimately, more satisfying: Help people illuminate what’s important and generate effective solutions to problems. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my free monthly newsletter here .

My newsletter, Disagree Better , turns 25 this month. I’m marking the milestone with 25 ways to disagree better from a wide array of thinkers. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .

One reason agreements and solutions fail is that they don’t sufficiently identify and address the root causes of the problem. Another is that they address behavioral elements of the conflict without also addressing systemic elements that drive the behavior. The Relationship Diagram is an excellent tool for overcoming both of these problem-solving hurdles. Relationship diagram demo (video) Episode...