Deliver Us Some Evil

The end is nigh! With the approach of the total eclipse of the sun, Eli is here to guide you on a tour of four massive esoteric theories detailing when, where, and why the Biblical Apocalypse might have a date with destiny right in our own backyard. Is he off his rocker? Is he smoking some really good stuff? Before you pick up the phone and call out because what's the point, let the DUSE conne...

The DUSE brings you the fourth installment of the Adventures of Guy Ballard! No matter your religious background, we can all agree that it's never a good idea to mix mythological ancient cities, aliens digging up gold, old men figuring out how eyesight works, an interdimensional God King who might be planning mass assassinations, kung fu cats, and good old patriotism. But if you want to take y...

This Easter, Eli and Mel talk about a ghoul of a man who by all accounts lived the American Dream. He had an ugly wife nobody else wanted to bang, three snot-nosed kids that didn't like him, a job that afforded him nothing but headaches, and eventually a divorce that would set him on the path to the destruction of his family one explosive Easter afternoon. Dennis DePue soon rose to television...

In this episode Eli and Mel tackle one of the biggest stories to hit the headlines: the cannibal warlord taking over Haiti, a man who calls himself "Barbecue" not because he loves cold beer and cooking burgers poolside. So listen up as Eli exposes the neo-liberal left's take on "revolutionaries" and how they're oddly comfortable with cannibalism, even making the argumen...

Top o' the mornin' to ya, lads and lasses! In the D.U.S.E.'s annual Saint Patty's Day episode Eli struggles to get the words out as Mel listens to the story of an angry little Irish terrorist/soldier/gangster/serial killer known as Hugh "Lenny" Murphy, a name about as common in Ireland as Chin is in China! But don't let the man's cartoonish height and style remini...

In this episode Eli and Mel bring you the international woman of the year: Amelia Dyer! A baby farmer so successful that the Victorian Era British government changed the adoption laws. No really, they did. But since it's the Victorian Era, where shit ran through the gutters and murder was around every corner, their efforts to protect babies was like sailing a paper boat from Florida to Africa....

Today's selection pairs beautifully with whatever you're currently doing in life because we all know that this is the best part of your week! It's a blend of revenge for the death of a little brother, respect for a mythical Japanese nerd, love triangles, dastardly plots, Billy Mayes and his Oxi-Clean, trolls without their bridges, an organization of villains hell bent on destroying our...

In this episode Eli once again proves he doesn't have a good grasp of history, but who needs that when we're talking about one of our nation's lesser-known Bluebeards: Roberta Elder! Miss America Bluebeard 1952 runner-up to the much more famous Nannie Doss. Sure the papers could have reported on Roberta Elder, but it's clear that America doesn't care about black victims....or d...

In this episode Eli and Mel bring the sad story of the Hart children to the forefront of everyone's thoughts this week in Black History Month. Not every person who adopts a child is evil, but the vast majority of them are, especially if they're white and liberal. No, we aren't talking about Angelina Jolie. The main characters of this story are two lesbians who thought it would be easie...

This Valentine's Day, join us for a very special tale of love. It's the one-of-a-kind love that only a man who hunts roaches for a living can feel for a ghoul-- er, girl he's never met. Take a journey into madness as Eli regales you with the story of how he sat down and watched 22 hours of a fat guy obsessing over an Icelandic singer. Feel Eli's thousand-yard stare as he recounts t...

In this episode Eli and Mel bring you the story of an Ugandan woman with caviar dreams. So how did she get there? Well turns out, if you're smart, not ugly, and have a vagina, it's easier than you think! I mean, she went from setting an ex-boyfriend's belongings on fire, to the funny farm, to buying a bar and brewing banana beer, to prostituting herself and murdering motorists for thei...

The D.U.S.E. is ringing in Black History Month in style! In this episode Eli will regale you with the tale of a black man in Seattle who decided enough was enough! Donning a ski-mask and a fedora, this would-be hero fights off mobs of attackers until the cops show up to finally do their job. With an addition of a mere tens of thousands of dollars in building the ultimate super suit, the superhero...

In this episode Eli and Mel cover a slew of interesting and totally not made up characters that revolved around Chris-Chan's early internet career. Eli felt gross researching this episode so it's his obligation to make you feel gross listening to the fruits of his labor! But maybe he's doing it intentionally by channeling his inner "Chris-Chan". There truly isn't an act t...

In this episode of the D.U.S.E. Eli retells the life and times of a man so great that he might actually have been a saint. Saint Ken? Saint Redneck? Whatever the case may be, he fits the definition of a Christian saint. I mean after all, he did have multiple child brides, he was the wrathful God of a small town in Missouri, he brought with him pestilence, plague, and the deaths of first born sons....

In this episode Eli and Mel sit back and relax along a very nice and totally not polluted river bank in West Virginia when suddenly a giant two-headed monstrosity breaches the water's surface and drags Mel off to its den for a midnight snack. Does Eli bother to go looking for her corpse? Not a goddam chance! Would you hop into the water after watching your pal get dragged down kicking and scre...

In this amazing installment of The Adventures of Guy Ballard, Mel confesses her fascination with feline anatomy, but can you really blame her? Especially when the episode covers a cult leader who totally wasn't having gay adventures in the woods of Mount Shasta with strange men while his wife thinks he's communing with "God" or when the same man molests a mountain lion just after...

In this episode Eli and Mel bring you the story of a man so trustworthy that not only was he paroled early, they kept paroling him over and over again. And when the D.U.S.E. says "trusted" we mean he's as trustworthy as a rabid fat woman set loose in an ice cream cake factory. But, minus all the guns, crack, and wanton murder, can you blame the guy? It's not his fault that societ...

Want to know what's worse than seeing the notification for a new D.U.S.E. episode on Christmas Day? Being a child beauty pageant queen! In this very merry Christmas special Eli and Mel deliver you the finest evil the holidays can offer, and no we aren't talking about your Aunt Marge's blueberry cobbler. The story of JonBenet Ramsey captured the attention of an international audience. T...

Mel rants about the state of American cuisine: what the elites think is for dinner, Californians drinking their own urine, Bill Gates bullying American farmers, and the terrible scourge of cow farts. Meanwhile in Iowa, Satanists are victimized by a hate crime when a statue of Baphomet loses its head, leading Eli to give a long-winded sermon about how stupid people are on "X" and how grea...

What was once a great shit-a-pillar has now risen out of its shit-pupa and metamorphosized into a great big shit-erfly known as Jesus Christ Chris-Chan Sonichu! In this episode Eli and Mel discuss Chris-Chan's rise to stardom with a descent into his infamous Sonichu web comic and a few of his early antics that would ordinarily land a man in jail! There's everything from his obsession with...

Here it is folks! The inaugural episode of the D.U.S.E. network's hit new show: The DUSE After Dark! Hosted by the lovely Mel November and that guy she keeps hidden in her closet. This episode has everything you want: Eli ignoring what Mel says, Eli mansplaining why everyone in the world is wrong, and Eli hijacking the show to rant about the little hat people. If you listen closely, you'll...

What's worse than being approached by a clown first thing in the morning? Being shot in the face by a clown first thing in the morning. And that's the kind of evil being delivered to your ear holes by the D.U.S.E! Eli and Mel discuss the story of a six-foot tall sexually ambiguous bright orange clown that shot a housewife in the face and then casually walked away. Some say it was a cold-bl...

In this episode Eli and Mel reveal the super duper top secret world of a man and his never-ending quest to find the one thing we all need...Love! The Lord of The Rings has taught us that the most amazing journeys begin with one step...unless you're Chris-Chan. Then you never take any actual steps. In his journey to find the one boyfriend-free girl he stands so completely still that he's in...

Is it a ghost? Is it a demon? Does it have thumbs? That's just a few of the questions Eli and Mel attempt to answer in this episode. Down a long desolate road in the middle of a swamp is the lair of....the Grunch! Whether it's the demonic offspring of a voodoo priestess or the protector of a cult of inbred satanic albino dwarfs, one thing's for sure: it doesn't take kindly to outsi...

Want to know what pairs well with a holiday where you sit around a table surrounded by loved ones and gorge yourself while the majority of the world starves? Listening to this year's Thanksgiving special! And boy does the D.U.S.E. provide. In this episode Eli somehow thinks that the Big Easy is "Bean Town" which just proves that he's about as useful at geography as a blind photog...