Deliver The Profile

People become roadkill in "Roadkill", a Season 4 episode of Criminal Minds that passes off a stuntman as an actor and a Johnny Thunder song as a harbinger of death and destruction. To amuses themselves during this otherwise boilerplate episode, Ronnie and Jazz talk Nicholas Brendon, talk TO Nicholas Brendon, discuss Pakistan's liquor laws and of course reference Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Ronnie and Jazz fulfill a promise and cover "Penelope", part two of a crossover that involves the show's least likable character getting shot and not dying. This one's tangent heavy as the boys struggle to mount an effort to care when there's no profile delivered and an unsub already established last time (as Longmire!). Is Hotch a RoboCop? How funny can a Neo-Nazi MAD Magazine be? What if Crimina...

It took three attempts over a series of weeks, but finally Ronnie and Jazz have covered Season 3's "Lucky"! It's about Fat Jamie Kennedy becoming less fat and also a cannibal, while Morgan struggles with religion over in Who Gives A Shit Ville. The frustration of having to watch the episode multiple times to refresh memories leaves the boys more tangential and frustrated than usual, as talk routin...

Ronnie and Jazz take a step towards the modern day with a Season 10 episode, "Burn"! (Or "Burned", it doesn't matter.) Garcia goes to Texas to see an execution and the gang finds themselves dealing with another unsub obsessed with Dante. Just what does Gavin Rossdale have on the crew of Criminal Minds? Otherwise, the duo discuss Ninja Turtles, Nicholas Brendon's legal troubles, and fuck up a refer...

It's hobo time as Ronnie and Jazz talk about Season 4's "Catching Out"! They learn a lot about hobo culture, like what signs mean gullible cat ladies and which mean trouble. Also: J.J. is pregnant, and that continues to be her sole characteristic! Have you ever wanted to see Greg of Dharma and Greg fame dress down a black man? Here's your chance. It doesn't come every day. Finally: what's the best...

This week Ronnie and Jazz take on pick up artists and general creeps with Season 4's "52 Pickup". In Hotlanta, Georgia, some guy is disemboweling women and making them clean up the mess before they expire. Is he an OCD head? No, he's another kind of monster, one that requires the FBI to team up with the sleaziest character who hasn't been in pornography before in order to find him. The hosts talk...

Happy Halloween, everybody! For the spookiest date of the year, Ronnie and Jazz take on one of the scariest things to ever grace television: Gavin Rossdale in Season 5's "The Performer"! The BAU travels to Los Angeles, the Windy City itself, to stake out a vampire who may or may not have been in Bush. Along the way, the hosts discuss the CBS show Zoo (which they've never seen), bad precinct coffee...

Ronnie and Jazz discuss a Season 5 episode of Criminal Minds, "Parasite", which shows the pitfalls of investing your money; the man or tapeworm you give your money to may be crazy. Along the way, they discuss Night Man, Goosebumps and why they care about their Jewish listenership but not their St. Louis Cardinals fan listenership.

In this episode, Ronnie and Jazz take on an unsub who takes peoples' eyes out with a melon baller. But this is more a jumping off point from which they discuss Killer Croc's penis, the Buddhist afterlife, Gremlins, and a potential Criminal TeenMinds spinoff. Also: Ronnie and Jazz's recording session is interloped by a neighbor's baby.

In the inaugural episode of Deliver The Profile, the world's only Criminal Minds podcast, Ronnie and Jazz take a look at Season 4's "Paradise", an episode of television that posits that you cannot trust motels in rural Nevada, or cast members of Star Trek: The Next Generation, or free breakfasts, or anything outside your comfort zone. The guys also try their best to explain the premise and formula...