Darkseid's Couch

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée take to the skies for Kickers, Inc. no. 6! Superhuman NFL pro/toppler of Central American governments/robot hater/all-around manchild Jack "Mr. Magnificent" Magniconte is late for the big game! Hopefully this plane he's hopping on doesn't get hijacked by a psychologically-broken flight attendant... HEY GUESS WHAT HAPPENS! It's terror at 35,00...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée pledge allegiance to Suicide Squad no. 22! Likeable bootlicker Rick Flagg has run off to Washington to assassinate a senator who's trying to extort his beloved Suicide Squad, throwing off Squad maestro Amanda Waller's masterplan! The only sensible thing to do, of course, is to send a bunch of psychopaths after Flagg and hope they don't somehow make it...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée unzip their lips to talk about Zip Comics no. 11! It's a bountiful fall harvest of supertypes in these eight Golden Age adventures! There's Steel Sterling, the man with the steel skin, battling a guy who's a little too into snakes (aka your burnout roommate)! There's Lil' Dicky, an unsupervised child exploring strange lands and just kinda stealing thin...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée plan to go to a Halloween party, but bail on it at the last minute and read The Haunt of Fear no. 26 instead! It's an eerie anthology of tales designed to chill the bones, raise the hair, and dissuade the marriage! Yeah, turns out a lot of creeps in the 50s were getting hitched for money and then murdering their spouses, or at least that's what the Old...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get their paws on the Amazing Spider-Man no. 139! It's been almost a month since Peter Parker got his girlfriend Gwen Stacy killed, so naturally he's pretty much over it now, which means it's time to cut lose and fight some new goofy villains! Enter the Grizzly! He's big, he's dumb, he's dressed like a furry, and he's wrecking up the offices of the Dai...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée try to pull a rabbit out of a hat, but end up with Zatanna no. 1 instead! Backwards talking magician and fishnet enthusiast Zatanna has given up the superhero life in favor of becoming a high-powered California talent agent! But now she's seeing demons and monsters everywhere, and her simpering, redheaded boyfriend ain't making the scenery any less cre...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée are in hot pursuit of the Brave & the Bold no. 4! Green Arrow, the Question, and whoever the Butcher is are all on the case when a Native American man is blamed for the death of an innocent land developer! Hey, if they didn't wanna sell their land why'd they keep the resale value up for so long? We've exceeded our fundraising goal for James' marath...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée open a big wooden door to adventure with Adventure Comics no. 271! Learn how the budding friendship between Superboy and Lex Luthor came to an early end (As with all male friendships, it involves hair-related jealousy). Then, Congo Bill shoves his brain into a gorilla's body, because that should be fun. Fin...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée sniff out a winner with the New Guardians no. 2! The newly-minted superteam are on a mission to usher in the next generation of humanity, but that's going to have to go on the backburner for a minute because Uncle Sam needs them to be CIA assassins instead! You see, cocaine-powered supervillain Snowflame is running a drug empire out of Columbia, and he...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée tally up Bruce Wayne's body count with Batman no. 208! Who is the most important woman in Batman's life? Is it Poison Ivy? Catwoman? A random old woman we've never heard of before who will play almost no part in the Bat mythos going forward? Here's a hint: It's the stupidest option. Along the way, revisit Catwoman's petty revenge, Vicki Vale's bizarre...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée rip a rad frontside 180 to nosegrind right off their copy of New Warriors no. 6! Teenage idiots the New Warriors have a lot on their plates. They've stumbled onto a plot to blow up the Inhumans' city on the moon, they've gotta deal with NASA-hating madman Star Thief, and they've got to figure out how to properly apply Accutane while wearing constrictin...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée saddle up for the Billy Ray Cyrus Marvel Music Special! In the 90s, Marvel Comics went looking to the music world for their next hot properties, and country music megastar Billy Ray Cyrus threw his mullet into the ring for a couple of pageturning adventures! In the first, Billy Ray employs ghosts and cultural appropriation in a plot to keep a couple of...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée cross over with cheap corporate synergy when they read Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Meet Archie! It's interdimensional terror when the turtles get stranded in the scariest universe of all: One where being a ginger makes you popular! Local redhead Archie Andrews has two smokeshow girlfriends and not a care in the world, as long as one of them doesn't ge...

This time on the Couch: The batteries in Mike, James, and Shée's iPads die, so they resort to reading 1987's Visionaries no. 1 instead! In the future, on a planet that's totally not Earth, a horrible apocalypse has ended the age of science/nerds and ushered in the return of the age of magic/uberchads! Bored magician Merklynn promises a bunch of self-proclaimed knights awesome powers and HUGE gains...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée trash the place in solidarity with Captain America no. 222! Steve Rogers has a lot of problems at the moment. He's not sure of his own background, his buddy Falcon isn't clocking in at work, and now a Volkswagen's attacking him! In his own apartment, no less! If he can manage to best its fine German craftsmanship (a big 'if'!), his next stop will be Wa...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée blast off for a return trip to William Shatner's TekWorld with issue no. 17! The last time the Couch checked in on the good Captain's ambitious vanity project, it was a hodge podge of generic sci-fi tropes and poorly-developed characters, but that was probably just first issue jitters! Sixteen issues later, okay, sure, it's still got the two-dimensiona...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée throw a pie at Funnyman no. 1! A decade after Superman, creators Siegel and Shuster went double or nothing with their new hero, Funnyman! Armed with a rubber nose, zero training, and the ability to never take anything seriously ever, Funnyman pratfell his way onto the comics rack for six glorious issues of baggy-panted hilarity! Scourge of the underwor...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée do something no comic book fan's ever done; Go to the beach! In Punisher War Journal issue 19, Frank Castle has murdered his way out to Hawaii in relentless pursuit of still more people he'd like to kill! But can he get over his crippling and never-before-referenced fear of water, so that he'll have easier access to potential victims that too stubborn...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée shake forearms with Captain Victory and the Galactic Rangers no. 12! In the 1980s, Jack Kirby snuck one past the copyright gestapo with Captain Victory, a stealth continuation of his legendary Fourth World comics in the guise a new IP. Free and clear from any legal action, Kirby and the good captain traverse the stars, making friends with computers and...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée earn their stripes by reading Detective Comics no. 275! It's the debut of another classic Batman villain, the Zebra-Man! You know, the Zebra-Man? Electromagnetic powers, dresses like a scrambled tv signal? Well, he's really cool, just trust him. In fact, he's so threatening that Batman will have no choice but to crash a plane into a ship, wreck a world...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée gallop away from Black Knight no. 4! In the mythical land of Camelot, the mysterious Black Knight maintains a secret identity as the wussified, lute-plucking Sir Percy! As the unlovable court bard, Percy pines after Lady Rosamund, who think he's the scum of the Earth. But he wore his frilliest tunic! What more does this woman want?! Funny enough, it tu...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get punched in the face by Justice League issue 5! An irritable and presumably very bored Batman has assembled a new Justice League consisting of a bunch of goofballs whom he can order around more easily than actual heroes. But every rose has its thorn, and 3rd tier Green Lantern Guy Gardner's bad attitude and worse haircut are getting on the Dark Knig...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée wrap up Supermanuary with Superman's Girl Friend Lois Lane no. 5! It's a trilogy of torment, as Superman's borderline sadistic treatment of the woman he loves leads to... absolutely no consequences whatsoever! From constant negging to covertly attacking her with a size-changing ray, Superman gets away with all the damage he can possibly inflict! Why? W...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée plant their flag in the dirt of Action Comics no. 381! As Supermanuary continues, our hero has become even more unhinged, causing a ruckus at the UN and demanding the entire Earth kneel before his immaculately-toned Kryptonian physique! Has Superman finally come to his senses and realized that a war-hungry, Crocs-wearing planet could probably benefit f...

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée put on their top hats and spats to read Action Comics issue 337! It's only week two of Supermanuary, but it seems Superman's already gotten bored and has resorted to bizarre stunts to keep himself invested in this whole "fighting crime" thing. Why is the man of steel dressing up in a series of goofy outfits to stop criminals instead of just punting the...